Trying to kill me, that is. I'm pretty sure.
We were on the way home from meeting Genius and Friend near the city on Wednesday, to have lunch as they were passing through. Farmer H had just merged A-Cad onto the two-lane divided interstate highway, heading south to the Mansion. We were in the fast lane. A congested line of traffic ahead of us, and another one in the slow lane to our right.
Coming up on the stoplight that Farmer H knows is there, having driven this road to work for 35 years or more... I could see that the vehicles ahead of us were hitting their brakes.
"Hey! Slow down! They're stopping!"
"I AM slowing down, HM."
"Not fast enough! SLOW DOWN FASTER!"
"I'm slowing down, HM. Calm down!"
SCREEEEEEEECH!
That's the sound I imagine we made. But I was too scared to take note. I was more concentrated on making myself breathe after I nearly slid under the glove compartment as we stopped mere inches from the bumper of the car ahead of us. Those seatbelts don't hold a rumpus too tightly on a leather seat. AND a loud THUMP and vibration on the back of my seat had also distracted me.
Farmer H was silent. He gets like that when he realizes that we almost died.
"What in the NOT-HEAVEN was THAT?"
"I don't know. Something from the back."
"It's a JUG! A giant full jug of liquid!"
"Must be the washer fluid."
"Well. At least you didn't have some spiked metal poles laying back there to impale me."
Maybe now Farmer H will listen to me when I try to help him drive. But probably not.
My husband does the same thing. The brake lights on the car ahead come on and his foot us still on the gas. At least lift the foot and slow momentum. Not him.
ReplyDeletePudge450,
ReplyDeleteMy problem with Farmer H is the CRUISE CONTROL! He won't brake for anything! Not until the last minute. He waited too long this time. He acts like it takes so much effort to reset the cruise control!
I am surprised that I never pushed a hole through the floor of our veicles on the passenger side. Then, I had to drive him around while he was busy having medical issues. He was gasping and throwing his hands on the dash and slamming his imaginary brake down. Tables turned and I am a much better driver than him as far as being very cautious, he is he one who brakes at the last minute and then will loudly proclaim that something the other driver did was why it happened. Another surgery awaits and I am sure he will be screaming like a girl as I navigate the mountains!!
ReplyDeleteKathy,
ReplyDeleteFarmer H gets all dramatic and flings his arms, exclaiming that I almost hit a mailbox. Let the record show that I am not the one who drives on the wake-up bumps on the side of the road. So I don't know how I could possibly come closer to hitting a mailbox than he does on a regular basis!
Good luck with your passenger! Maybe give him an extra ration of Juicy Fruit so his mouth will be too full to talk. Of course, that would only work AFTER the surgery, since he will probably be NPO if you drive there on the morning of.
I was holding my breath reading that, whew! big exhale and you are safe again. For now.
ReplyDeleteRiver,
ReplyDeleteI was holding my breath, too!!! It's terrible to see what needs to be done, yet be unable to do it. If he wasn't so stubborn! I don't just randomly call out for him to brake. I tell him to slow down, or that he's scaring me with his sweaving, but when I SPECIFICALLY tell him to put on the brakes because we're going to hit something, he needs to listen! I could see that the whole line of cars was stopped, but he could only see that the car ahead of us was slowing.
Here in Australia he would be vision tested before his next licence renewal and I'm betting he wouldn't be allowed one.
ReplyDeleteRiver,
ReplyDeleteMaybe he never would have been allowed one there. Farmer H has been blind in his left eye since the age of 14. Of course that affects his depth perception. Everyone must have a vision test before getting a driver's license at 16, and again upon renewal. It's not the actual vision that's a problem, since he has adjusted to that for the past 53 years. He uses the cruise control and rides up too close to the car in front before finally relenting to tap the brakes to get off the cruise control.
When he's so close, he can't see what's going on ahead of the car in front of him. And their brake lights don't tell him the degree at which they're braking. As he merged over into that lane, I could see the whole line of traffic was stopped for the red light, which Farmer H couldn't see because we were cresting a little hill and the light wasn't visible to him.