Let the record show that my old dog Grizzly crossed the rainbow bridge to live on a big farm upstate about 15 years ago. But it might STILL be easier to dig him up and explain in detail from a manual how he could pilot a 747... than to expect Farmer H to perform a task most kindergarteners excel at.
Farmer H went to a concert on Saturday night. At 9:13, he sent me a text saying who the "special guest" was. A songwriter from Nashville.
"I'll have to look him up. Sounds familiar."
I did this out of curiosity. Then found a video of one of his songs, which I was sure Farmer H would be familiar with. You know, just to be nice. To have something to talk to him about when he wanted to tell about the concert.
Time marched on. I wanted to watch Saturday Night Live (in retrospect, nothing worth budgeting my time for) at 10:30. I already had the TV on the right channel. I waited. And waited. Hoping to play Farmer H a snippet of that song as he came in the door, then escape to the short couch to watch my show.
At 10:27, I gave up and went to the living room. But I left one window open on my HIPPIE on the kitchen table. With the video all ready to play. I had watched it through once, and backed up to the 0:03 second mark. All that was necessary was to click on the PLAY arrow.
Of course I heard Farmer H make his entrance through the creaky kitchen door at 10:29.
"I just sat down to watch my show, but I have one of that guy's songs ready for you."
"I don't need to hear no song."
"I thought you might want to know one he wrote. It's ready to go. All you have to do is click on PLAY."
"Okay."
"I don't hear anything."
"It ain't doin' nothin'."
"Did you push PLAY?"
"Yeah. It ain't doin' NOTHIN'."
"Are you sure you were on the PLAY arrow? With the mouse?"
"Huh. No. I used my finger."
"It's not a phone! You have to put the mouse cursor over the PLAY arrow, and click it."
"Okay. I did."
"Wait. What am I hearing? That's not the song."
"It's a commercial, HM."
"It shouldn't be playing a commercial. Now I hear another one."
"Yeah. That's what it did. Wait. There. I closed the ad when it said CLOSE AD."
"How hard can this be??? Do I need to come in there? I'm already missing my show because I had to put it on MUTE!"
"FORGET IT! I don't want to hear it anyway! Quit yer bitchin'! FORGET IT!"
And with that, and me already up and in the kitchen to show him how to hit PLAY to hear the song I had ready for him, Farmer H stormed off to the bedroom, flapping his arms like an antebellum debutante in a hoop skirt having a hissy-fit.
Well. You know what they say about good deeds.
I went to HIPPIE, who was already playing a song. NOT the song I had ready. The next one. Farmer H had apparently clicked on the arrow with a vertical line after it. The one that means to skip to the next video or, in this case, song.
Grizzly, I'm ready for takeoff.
Well I do know for sure that I would never bother finding him another song EVER. I hope you didn't miss too much of your show.
ReplyDeleteRiver,
ReplyDeleteI only missed about 5 minutes, so not too much of a hardship.
Even worse, when I came home after my near-death the next evening, Farmer H snapped at me because I dared ask how many pieces of chicken he wanted for supper. Had another hissy fit when I carried the bag of frozen chicken tenders all the way to the living room so he could see for himself what size they were. EXCUSE ME!!! As if it's such a hardship for him to sit on his rumpus and glance into a bag and decide how much he wants me to cook him for supper with his mashed potatoes and biscuits!
That is funny. I occasionally share links for interesting things with a husband and wife, friends of mine. I send them by text message because they don’t do email “because it’s so confusing”. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I send one, I have to tell them to tap on that image with the arrow. It is a link. If I don’t, it never occurs to them to do it. These are not stupid people. I don’t understand.
ReplyDeleteHe just gets grumpier with age. Poor you.
ReplyDeletePudge450,
ReplyDeleteI am a technology simpleton, but even I know how to play a video! AND I can use email! These friends sound like they might be Farmer H's long-lost relatives!
***
River,
So it seems. You'd think somebody who has everything done for him could be a bit more congenial, if not appreciative.
Does he have hot flashes, too? When HeWho has a similar small fit I always ask him if it might be his time of the month. I know, I know, I just like to fuel the flame while I laugh at him.
ReplyDeleteKathy,
ReplyDeleteMaybe? Because he lolls around in his tighty-whities in the recliner every night, while I am shivering with my portable heater under the kitchen table, or draped with a fleece throw on the short couch!
I think just telling him he was having a hissy-fit was enough triggering for this episode. I wasn't in a mood to deal with a full-fledged rage. My show was coming on, you know!