Way back in junior college, I had an introductory psychology class. I spent a lot of time looking at the small windows along the top of the wall, wondering why anybody would design a building with such useless windows that couldn't be opened and wouldn't let you see anything but sky. Perhaps I was not the most motivated student, though I DID learn a lot that semester, perhaps by osmosis.
Anyhoo... I remember the teacher pointing out that people are self-centered, and that often conflicts arise because people want different things out of an interaction or relationship. That the only thing important to you at the time is "what you are controlling for." It's an odd phrase, but it just means what you are wishing to happen, and consciously or unconsciously trying to make happen. It's not necessarily a bad thing. That's only when people are obsessed with controlling other people.
Yeah. That's kind of boring, right? Makes you want to look out some windows.
Farmer H came home Monday afternoon, unhappy with The Pony.
"I must have been there for an hour mowing The Pony's yard, and he never once came out and offered me a drink of water or a soda."
"Well. The Pony might have thought it was Old Buddy mowing the yard. That's who usually does it. I doubt The Pony even looked out."
"Still. It's really hot. I cain't believe he didn't even check on me."
So Farmer H was controlling for recognition for his lawn mowing, and evidence of caring about his health in the heat, and a quenching of his thirst. The Pony was probably controlling for some ZZZZZs in a nap, or relaxation in the jetted bathtub, or more likely a win in a computer game. They had different expectations. Farmer H was hurt, and The Pony was oblivious.
Just a mini psychology lesson. One more service Mrs. HM provides.
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Here's a bonus that's a little more interesting. My psychology teacher told us the best way to respond to a liar. Just say, "Well, imagine that."
"Former students come up to me all the time. They tell me about their life since they graduated. Some of them stretch the truth a little bit. Like one gal who told me about her little girl. Said she was the smartest thing. That her first words were, 'May I have a cookie, please?' I smiled and said, 'Well, imagine that.' And we both left with a good feeling about the interaction."
I am convinced you are married to my husband’s twin brother. So many things you write about could have been written by me. There is NOTHING too small for my husband to need to be recognized for. It is exhausting.
ReplyDeleteMy 75 years have taught me a couple of things:
1) Warning signs if considering a second marriage……..I won’t.
2) Warning signs to consider when getting a dog……I might.
Pudge450,
DeleteBlog buddy Kathy thinks the same thing! As my mom told me the day before I got married: "Honey, they are all alike."
One of our friends accused his wife of cheating, and she said, "I already have you. WHY would I want another one?"
Too bad Hick didn't do the obvious and text the Pony and say you got anything to drink in there before I die out here mowing your lawn? And the student's daughter more likely screamed "tookie" at the top of her lungs. No may, no please. That's the way real kids "ask" and then parents get to do some parenting. And Hick being the forever do- gooder in 90-degree temps. You might want to remind him he's not a kid anymore. Ranee
ReplyDeleteRae,
DeleteYes. That would have been too common-sense-y for Farmer H to do.
The student's daughter most likely said DADA for her first word, and MAMA for the second. No cookie for a while!
Mother Nature is a harsh taskmistress, and this heat is not doing Farmer H any favors. I told him it's too bad he didn't do the plumbing work on Bargain House when the weather was mild, and save his paid work for assorted customers for now, when he can remodel their kitchens, etc., in the comfort of air conditioning.
I'm with Rae thinking that perhaps Hick could have asked for water instead of suffering. My daughter's first word was "no" when I offered "just one more spoonful?"
ReplyDeleteRiver,
ReplyDeleteWell, imagine that! But seriously, NO is a word they hear all the time, and can form easily. Thus totally believable.
Yes, if you want water, ask for water. Don't fume about the lack of water, and hold a grudge!