Waste Not, Want Some

SilverRedO is having problems. He belches black smoke when started. Farmer H said what he thinks is going bad, but I know as much about engines as I know about geography. So let's just say that SilverRedO might need to have a Vanuatu replaced. 

It won't be cheap. 

Anyhoo... I picked up Farmer H at Mick the Mechanic's a few days ago. He decided not to wait for repairs. That meant he had to accompany me to Save A Lot. It would be so much simpler if I could strap Farmer H into the child seat of my cart/walker. He's not a good go-fer like the boys were when shopping with me. AND he finds more expensive treats for himself.

Farmer H DID find a bargain. Two porterhouse steaks for $12.98. They were HUGE! A better bargain than the three ribeyes I found at Country Mart. Farmer H grilled them on Sunday evening. He and The Pony feasted on steak, baked potato, garlic toast, and baked beans for Farmer H. I laid out a frozen hamburger to be grilled, and made a salad of romaine, Imo's cheese, boiled egg, and grape tomatoes. With Caesar dressing, since I got out the wrong bottle and didn't have my Ken's Blue Cheese.

Anyhoo... Farmer H is a good griller. The meats came out just right, although mine would have been better if it had been fresh meat, not thawed. I was still feasting when Farmer H and The Pony were throwing out their bones to the dogs.

"I had some meat left against the bone, and I can't cut it off. I'm too full to eat it, so the dogs can have it."

"Yeah, I had some left on mine too, Pony. I just gave it to Juno. So you can give yours to Jack."

 

"WAIT A MINUTE! Let me see! I'll eat that meat! I didn't have any steak!"

 

"Oh. Wow. To see you gnaw on that bone..."

 

"Thanks for not taking a picture! It's DELICIOUS!"

 

"We always ask if you want steak."

 

"You guys like it better. It comes in twos, mostly."

 

"We could buy another package."

 

"No. I'm satisfied with what I gnawed off the bone. Give it to Jack."

 

I can't believe Juno got a meaty bone before I had a chance to gnaw it!!!

Farmer Non Grata

Farmer H's dark secrets have been revealed! We'll get to that in a minute.

Imagine my horror when my INTERNET WAS DOWN on Saturday morning! It was just fine on Friday night when I shut down HIPPIE. The Pony had Saturday off, and was planning lunch and a Pony House tour with his cousin. He was in the shower, so I couldn't send him down to reset the modem.

I MADE MY FIRST TRIP DOWN THOSE 13 RAIL-LESS BASEMENT STAIRS!

Yes. The first trip since my Unfortunate HospitVALzation. Thank the Gummi Mary, there was no literal TRIP. I got down them just fine, holding onto the banisters with both hands, until I could no longer reach them past the 8th step. Then I grabbed the upper floor, and eventually the metal support pole at the bottom. The trip back up was not so smooth. I hurt my GOOD knee. 

Anyhoo... I saw that somebody had closed the door on the little cabinet in Genius's former desk, where the modem lives. FARMER H! He's always closing doors. It's like an obsession with him. I went to the NASCAR bathroom to flush the toilet. You know how toilets get if you don't flush them for a month. We have hard water, and sometimes a calcium ring will built up. 

Huh. The toilet did not want to flush. The water level was low, but then it rose higher than normal, and was sluggish to go out. FARMER H! He musta took a poop while he was relegated to the basement to watch TV. I plunged it, and squirted some toilet cleaner in. Might as well do a chore while I was down here.

I went into the workshop area, to unplug the DISH satellite that sucks in my innernets. We always do a double restart: the modem and the satellite. Huh. I couldn't get to the plug. There was a large cardboard box in front of the shelf. FARMER H! There were some empty Diet Mountain Dew bottles in it. That darn pig can use a wastebasket or a trash bag like a normal person, and NOT collect his trash in a cardboard box to set in front of my plug-in.

Also in the cardboard box was an EMPTY box of Krispy Kreme five-flavor Jelly Belly jelly beans. FARMER H! I order those jelly beans for the boys every Christmas. These belonged to The Pony, who left them downstairs and said he didn't really favor them, so I could have them. I was waiting for a time that I really wanted them. But Farmer H must have noticed that they were under his roof, and helped himself without asking anyone. Like it just randomly rains Krispy Kreme five-flavor Jelly Belly jelly beans in our basement.

Farmer H's excuse was that he found the jelly beans on the floor. In the box, with the shrink-wrap still in place. Which he didn't mention. 

I don't even know how to schedule this for our nightly This Is The Time Of Day We Discuss The Most Recent Thing You've Done Wrong session.

Country Mart Makes It Hard To Be An Alcoholic

I was back in Country Mart on Friday, for some Hawaiian Pretzel Slider Buns, Coke for The Pony, a pack of pinwheels from the deli (because my fried chicken friend came over to chat and told me she made them fresh that morning), some deli baked beans for Farmer H's grilling on Sunday, and SLAW. I also picked up a bottle of Wild Turkey for Farmer H. Like The Pony's wine, he has a bottle on the kitchen counter over half full. But I tend to grab awkward items while I'm in the store not getting much, to avoid a lot of heavy stuff to carry in on future trips.

When I got up front, two checkers were open. I got in line with the blond lady checker, who was taking payment from a man, with a man and woman having only one item being next. Something was taking a long time, so I went to the short checkout, where the young man who likes decorating for Christmas was working, finishing up a full-cart guy.

I set one of my two 12-packs of Coke on the conveyor.

"I can ring up everything but the alcohol."

"WHAT? I say it's time to start aging a little faster!"

"It's not the age. The register shuts down when it rings alcohol purchases. Shuts down our whole system."

"Oh. That lady DID have a problem ringing up alcohol last time I bought it. Okay."

I put my Coke back in the cart, and went back to the Blond Checker. Nobody had gotten in line yet. I set out my Coke, and the cold items, then the Wild Turkey.

"I can't ring up the alcohol. Our system goes down."

"OH! I thought it was just that one register! I get it now. Well, I guess somebody is going to have to take this back to put on the shelf, because I don't feel like walking back across the store."

Blond Checker set the Wild Turkey aside, by her bag-holding contraption. She finished my order, and I went to the lottery machine. Behind me, I heard the young man checker telling a guy he couldn't ring up the alcohol.

"You're kidding! That's crazy. I'll just get it somewhere else."

You'd think somebody would have gotten the bright idea to hang a sign on the alcohol shelf, saying that they couldn't ring up alcohol at this time. Surely they were getting tired of telling people, and walking alcohol to the back corner of the store for re-shelving. And on a FRIDAY AFTERNOON, too! 

Oh, well. Farmer H wasn't OUT of Wild Turkey. So not a big deal for me. The Liquor Store is virtually across the street, about a block down. People could easily go there to pick up what they needed. Since I didn't NEED it, I just went home. I already had my scratchers, and was not interested in going in another store.

At least nobody got a chance to type me in as 65 YEARS OLD!

Oh, How The Worm (Plus Even Steven) Has Turned On This $450 Scratchers Winner

So long ago, that day last month when I won $450 in one day playing scratchers. 

This week brought me:

SilverRedO back at Mick the Mechanic's due to spouting smoke and not wanting to run.

A losing day at the casino.

My hospital bill from my 4-day stay to keep from dying.

 

At least the casino was not over $450. One out of three ain't good. But it could be worse. In good news, The Pony went to the Devil's Playground when he got off work, to buy himself some razor blades. And he bought something for ME! He sent a text asking if I could guess what he bought me. I COULD!

 

PEEPS!

 

I'm psychic like that.

Thank Heaven, For Little Grocery Checkers

When I was in Country Mart on Monday, I bought The Pony another bottle of wine. He still has the last one, unopened, which I purchased as an ALLEGED 65-year-old! With his wonky schedule, you never know when The Pony will have a day off, and he likes to have wine on the evening before his day off.

Anyhoo... I also bought the Monday deli special, which is dark meat chicken, 6 legs and 6 thighs for $7.99. I think it's a Not-Heaven of a deal. I froze part of it, because we won't eat it that fast. We'll see if it warms up okay. If not, the dogs will have a great treat. Sadly, The Pony turns up his muzzle at chicken with bones in it.

The deli lady whispered over the counter when I asked for the special: "Do you want it FRESH?"

"Oh! Yes, please. How long will that take?"

"About 17 minutes. I'll go put it in."

"Okay. I think I can shop for that long."

I picked up a couple boxes of Jiffy Corn Muffin Mix. Some milk. Pretzel buns the size of Hawaiian Rolls. A can of PAM nonstick cooking spray. The Pony's wine and Mardi Gras cookie slice. Five bananas. Some deli tuna salad. It had been 17 minutes, but the chicken wasn't ready. So I just stood to wait.

The Deli Gal brought it out to my cart. Instead of being in the standard take-out box, it was in a big foil pan, with foil over the top.

"I put it in this pan, because we had some REALLY big chicken legs this week! You never know what we're going to get."

"Okay. Thanks!"

"Next time, if you want fresh chicken, you can call us before you leave home, and it should be ready when you get here."

"Thanks, that's good to know."

Those deli people are always looking out for me. As was the young checker I got this time. She was so polite. When I got out to T-Hoe, I looked at the receipt to make sure they charged me the $7.99 for the chicken special. They did. And then I saw it...

That young checker had put down my wine age as 21!

Farmer H Is The Pony's Personal Shopper

Farmer H is gone to the auction. He is on a mission to pick up some items for The Pony's new house. Oh, he'll be getting things for himself as well. But he specifically took orders from The Pony.

"Pony. Look in there on the trunk in our bedroom. See that clear pack of sheets? They sell them at the auction. They're new. That's a queen size. They're usually around $20. I looked them up, and online the same pack is $59. I can get you some for your bed if you want."

"Do they have other colors? Besides the brown?"

"Yeah. They usually have blue and red and green and maybe some other colors."

"Okay. Get me two. I want blue. And maybe green if they don't have two different colors of blue."

"They come with a top sheet, fitted sheet, and two pillowcases."

"Yeah. Get me two sets."

The Pony does not shy away from a bargain.

Try Getting This Kind Of Service At Pony House

Mark your calendars, people! The Pony came home 20 minutes late from work, because he was HELPING someone! So perhaps The Pony has developed a latent urge to care about other people, and actually help them. Proving that FAFSA inventory WRONG!

Anyhoo... The Pony went in to work at 9:30 on Monday. He texted that he had clocked out and was starting home at 7:50 p.m. But texted again at 8:10, to say he had been caught up giving someone advice on things they hadn't been taught. So I took his chicken tenders and fries out of the oven, to reinsert closer to time for him to get home. Then set them beside the slice of chocolate chip cookie-cake decorated with buttercream icing in a Mardi Gras theme, which I had gotten for The Pony at Country Mart.

When The Pony came in, Farmer H said, "Tough day?" And The Pony held up his shoe, which was coated with mud. As was the bottom of his uniform pants leg. 

I said I would wash his pants overnight, while he was in the bath Farmer H ran for him. And scrape off the mud, and wipe down his shoes with a wet paper towel.

Oh, and I may not have time now until tomorrow to write out the electric bill that came today for Pony House.