Friday, December 2, 2011

16-Year-Old Smorgasbord

No, I am not channeling my mother, serving up aged foodstuffs purchased at Ye Olde Expired Food Shoppe. I am providing for the nutritional needs of the #1 son, relegated to third lunch shift at Newmentia. Most days, he can make do with the cafeteria offerings. But on Fridays, they run out of hamburgers.

On Fridays, the standard menu is pizza, nachos, or hamburgers. Because we are a bit lax with the lunch count, due to students not wishing to look uncool by raising a hand to commit to a lunch item, the good stuff is eaten up during the first two shifts. #1 invades my classroom on Fridays, to rifle through The Pony's snack drawer in my file cabinet.

I anticipated him today. Last week, he ate The Pony's mini Chips Ahoy, and his Cheetos. Today I bundled the Chips Ahoy and Cheetos into a Devil's Playground bag, and stashed it in my cabinet. I left behind one snack size bag of Cheetos. Then I scrounged up a 100-calorie pack of mint chocolate cookies, and an individual bag of Harvest Cheddar Sun Chips. The last two were a couple months past the Use By date, but nothing like four-year-old Ranch Dressing.

I was quite proud of my provider skills. What 16-year-old boy would not be happy with a three-course lunch? I heard the bell to end second lunch. Four minutes later, I heard the bell to start third lunch.

The #1 son never arrived.

After all that meal-preparation, he forsook my good will. But that's OK. His treats will be there next Friday, waiting for him all over again.


knancy said...

I was going to suggest that you put something really gross in the cache area, but then I realized the stash was already about as gross as you can get. Testosterotweenies - they are unreal. Some never grow up and will pilfer meat from communal soup pots.

Hillbilly Mom said...

You know the cafeteria food is lacking when teenage boys won't eat it. The snack drawer is filled with The Pony's ambrosia. I definitely see a towering bowl of soup in #1's future.