Last night, around 11:30, I stood up and felt a pain in my big toe. It was on the bottom of my right toe. Kind of in the middle. I have a big callous on the side of that toe. On the left one, too, but neither of them hurt. My mom had them as well, and she used to sit around at night shaving them down with a flat razor blade. YUCK! Maybe that's one of the reasons I hate feet!
Anyhoo...my toes don't normally hurt. It's not like I'm modeling Manolo Blahnik sandals. I don't mess with the callouses. I keep the nails trimmed. Except for that time I had a great big red big toe, I've had no problems. Yet, as I walked from my desk to the NASCAR bathroom next door to my office, that toe hurt. I thought it would quit as I sat on the toilet (sorry to be so indelicate as to mention that, but everybody sits on the toilet sometime).
What in the Not-Heaven? Was I having some kind of neuropathy? Was this going to be a permanent thing? Had I stepped on too-big a mud clod and injured myself in the kitchen? Should I slip on my red Crocs every time I got up, rather than pad around in sock feet? WHAT? What was wrong with my big toe?
I reached down to see if there was a knot on it. Nope! There was A METAL HOOK in it! Seriously! IN my toe! Stabbed into the skin! It was also entwined through the fibers of my white crew sock. Dang! That smarted! I had to wiggle that hook to pull it out. Then it was stuck in my sock. So I had to twist until it came loose. I carried it to my office for a picture. Pics or it didn't happen, you know!
Okay. So it wasn't a very big hook. That's not a wheel of cheese. Not a Roomba. Not a case for storing cymbals for the marching band. The maiming hook is posed beside an ibuprofen, on the back of an envelope.
BUT IT'S STILL A SHARP HOOK!
Look at it! A miniscule minnow would have trouble getting loose if I went fishing with that hook! I don't know where it came from, or what it is. Only one thing is for sure.
I blame Farmer H.
Yowch! Where in the world could that have come from? Do you have carpet in your basement lair? Where something like that could have been dropped years ago and just now worked its way to the surface? My daughter had carpet like that and I keep my thick soled sneakers on the whole time I'm at her place. So many things have been dropped I'm thinking of taking a metal detector there one day.
ReplyDeleteDid you disinfect your toe right away?
I have deep calluses on the sides of my big toes too, I've got a sandpapery type thing I use on them, but not every day like I should, because I know it won't make much difference.
I walk like Frankenstein when I get up out of bed unless I stand for a bit, but my problem there is my ankles stiffen up while I'm sleeping.
Yes, we know you didn't bring it into the house because you're a lady of leisure. You journey out in search of soda, sometimes chicken and sometimes lottery wins and otherwise you're in the house or walking up and down your driveway.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you need to post cameras all around (inside) the house to catch Farmer H?
River,
ReplyDeleteNo carpet. It's press-down tile over concrete, throughout the basement. Heh, heh. Good thing you're not walking around on shag carpet from the 1970s!
I put antibiotic ointment on the toe overnight. Then I still Frankenstein walked when I got up.
***
Sioux,
Oh, don't get me started on the lottery wins! You've opened, if not a can of worms, a prank can of peanuts that fake snakes jump out of!
I don't want to see Farmer H any more than I already see him. So the camera thing is not worth proof of his guilt, when I have no trouble railroading him WITHOUT proof!