The Shaken

Once upon an evening leery, while he snacked, meek and feary
Kicked back in the La-Z-Boy eating ice cream, wishing he had more--
While he slurped on, clearly gorging, suddenly there came a-barging
As of someone boldly charging, charging through the Mansion door.
"Who the hell," he gasped, flustered, "a-barging in my Mansion door--
I am shaken to the core!"

After questioning Farmer H about his bathroom tapping, and not getting a satisfactory answer...I had let it go. You have to choose your battles, you know. And my most current battle involves Farmer H not peeling apart stuck paper plates when it's his turn.

Anyhoo...I had no revenge on my mind when I ascended the 13 steps to the living room. I had been trying to text The Pony a picture, but after 30 minutes it hadn't gone through. The usual solution is to take the phone out on the front porch, lean out from under the metal roof, and let those invisible picture rays cast themselves upon the innernets to travel to Norman, Oklahoma.

I was still having trouble. (Formerly known as Puppy) Jack jumped up the minute I opened the door. He'd been curled up by that fake rosin beagle Farmer H put on the front porch at the feet of one of the sentinel Indians. It was about the cutest thing you could hope to see if you opened the Mansion door and stepped out onto the dark porch. I pulled the door to, but didn't latch it. I didn't want Farmer H to walk by and notice that it wasn't locked, and lock me out! There'd been no sign of him in the living room, but I'd heard him walking in the area of the boys' rooms. So I figured he'd gone to their bathroom.

While waiting for that picture to load for five minutes, I petted Jack, who soon lost interest in me and took to humping the fat tuxedo cat, Stockings. I walked back and forth on the porch. Still no picture-sending. So I headed back inside. I pushed the door open, and thought I'd given Farmer H a heart attack!

There he sat, in his La-Z-Boy, holding a partially peeled banana in one hand, and an individual cup of ice cream (vanilla swirled with chocolate and strawberry) in the other. I have no idea how he was eating those two foods while needing a third hand. Unless he was using the banana as a spoon.

Anyhoo...Farmer H's eyes bugged out like he'd seen a ghost. Or a home invader.

"How'd you get out there?"

"I walked out. To send The Pony a picture."

"I never saw you go out! When did you come up? How did you do that?"

"I guess you were in the bathroom."

"Maybe..."

Farmer H took a while to settle down. I sat down on the couch to chat for a moment. He acted like I had walked through the wall, rather than entering through an open door.

I cannot lie. I kind of enjoyed his discombobulation.