Day Two of THE SHAMING

You know how sometimes, a significant other will make a sweet gesture to his mate? Do something extra-considerate, unexpected, just for the sake of doing something nice? Farmer H has never heard of that!

Fasten your seatbelt and strap on your protective helmet (as opposed to your fashionable helmet). We're about to take a ride in the WayBack Machine. Don't want to give you whiplash while switching gears.

Once upon a time, I lived in Cuba, Missouri, and played cards every Friday night with my best old ex-teaching buddies #2 and #3, Karen and Jim. There may or may not have been intoxicating beverages involved. We played poker for pretzel sticks. And were more competitive than you might imagine for such a poker pot.

Anyhoo... every Friday, my second-best old teaching buddy Karen would whoop me and Jim (but mostly me) at poker. She was a fantastic bluffer. Every time she raked in my pretzel sticks, she would sing-song, "When will she EVER learn?" while cackling madly.

That's how I felt when Farmer H inquired on Thursday night, as I stood up from the short couch, "Do you want this?"

I turned around. Halfway expecting him to have some little gift for me, or perhaps a tasty treat, obtained from a random auction. But no. I was TRICKED! Because all Farmer H held in his outstretched PopArm was

HIS CHEESY EMPTY BOWL FROM BROCCOLI, AND A PAPER PLATE OF ALREADY-GNAWED CHICKEN BONES!

"Do I WANT that? Why in the world would I WANT that? What are you talking about?"

"Do you want it? I'm giving it to you."

"NO, I don't WANT it! Are you crazy? If you want me to haul it to the kitchen so you can lay in your La-Z-Boy, just say so. Don't ask me if I WANT it! I can't believe you!"

"Well. Are you going to take it?"

"GIVE IT TO ME! You could at least say, 'Will you take this to the kitchen for me?' Don't ask if I WANT it! That's just stupid! I am SO done with you!"

Seriously. If he wants me to be his servant, he can either pay me, or ask for a favor like a normal person.