Friday, May 10, 2019

Hillbilly Mom Said There'd Be Days Like This

Last Friday wasn't all that great, what with the bank tellers standing at the drive-thru lanes, trying to trick people into signing up for online banking, with bribes of bottled water and muffins. You'd think they would understand that they themselves were being tricked into making their jobs obsolete! Anyhoo... I was thwarted at every turn last Friday. That bank visit took 25 minutes, thanks to their internet system being down. I guess too many people were signing up for online banking!

I had to go back through town, because Farmer H wanted me to do something related to the $5000 house. I don't rightly recall it now, only that I'd planned on taking a different route after the bank, and had to backtrack.

Here was my reward:

A freakin' TRAIN that stopped traffic! Sweet Gummi Mary! I bet I haven't seen a train on that section of tracks for twenty years!

Even Steven wasn't finished with me yet, either. When I stopped by the Casey's over by school-turn-off, I decided to make use of their facilities. I probably could have made it home, but that long wait at the bank helped my decision.

The bathrooms at this Casey's, and the other one near the train crossing, are always clean. Both those Casey's used to be Waterside Marts, so maybe some of the staff still have pride in their job. Anyhoo... after doing my business, I reached for the toilet paper.

NOOO!!!

There was toilet paper on the roll. A couple inches thick. But there was no end! How is that possible? It didn't feel like a new roll. It was in one of those black plastic holders, where you can't see the actual roll. I had to contort my arm to reach up in there. I spun that roll sever ways to Sunday, and still couldn't find an end. There was nobody in the other stall, so I couldn't ask if they could spare a square. THEN I remembered that Mrs. Hillbilly Mom is always prepared. She never leaves home or T-Hoe without a Puffs Plus Lotion in her pants pocket! Problem solved!

Thank the Gummi Mary I hadn't been feeling... um... indisposed.
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2 comments:

  1. RiverMay 11, 2019 at 3:10 AM

    Internet being down is the one thing that bothers me about online banking. Thankfully there hasn't been any issues so far in the 10 or so years I've been using it.
    When I come across a roll seemingly without a loose end I'll scrape along it with my fingernail while I turn the roll in both directions, if I still can't find a start spot, I tear into it and make one!

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  2. Hillbilly MomMay 11, 2019 at 11:39 AM

    River,
    I tried both those tactics! That roll defied the laws of physics! It had no end and no beginning. Not even dragging my fingernail across it would penetrate the thin tissue! When I tried tearing if from the edge, it furrowed about a quarter-inch thickness, which wouldn't start a tear. All while having my arm bent at an unnatural angle to get up inside that plastic dispenser.

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