Yesterday, he was painting stain on the front porch with his tiny brush. The temp was already 93 degrees. Too bad he closed up Poolio for the season on Labor Day. He did take his shirt off, but he wasn't down to his tighty-whities.
I was leaving for town, and to be nice, I asked if he wanted anything. Of course in his passive-aggressive approach to life, he said,
"No. Not really. I can't think of anything I need."
"Okay. Because it's 12:30. I didn't know if you were going to town for lunch. Or warming that pulled pork that I made you a sandwich with yesterday."
"I'm not hungry now."
"Okay. You know you're supposed to eat on a regular schedule. You should probably come in pretty soon and make some lunch."
"Well. If you're going to town. If you want to. I'd probably eat something from there. It don't matter."
"I'm only going for my soda. There's Dairy Queen or Hardee's."
"Well. I'd eat one of them burgers you got me the other day."
"Okay. The 1/3 pound cheeseburger combo. Do you want it upsized to medium or large?"
"No. The regular one is fine."
It took me an hour, after mailing my DISH bill that I found in the mail, and stopping for scratchers (not a single winner), and driving through Hardee's. When I got home, I passed Farmer H making a mini dust tornado on the gravel road with the lawnmower spitting out grass and hot air, as he mowed along the front edge of 10 acres we have adjacent to the BARn field. He made a motion that he would turn around and come home. Or else he was making the crazy-temple-finger motion by his own head.
Farmer H carried in the food and his drink, while I grabbed the mail, my purse, my 44 oz Diet Coke, and my mini purple bubba cup of water. I also stopped to pet the dogs. When I stepped inside the kitchen door, there was Farmer H,
ELBOW DEEP IN MY CHICKEN TENDERS!
"What are you doing?"
"Oh. Is this mine? It says BURGER on it. No. It's chicken. Huh. Did you get me a burger?"
"Yes. In that box that your burger always comes in. You've been getting them for a year now, with your coupons that you didn't even give me. You don't have to paw through my chicken."
What in the NOT HEAVEN? Does this really look like a burger box?
Okay. Maybe it's shaped like a burger box. But the tab is clearly poked in where it says CHICKEN TENDERS! But no, he had to pop it open, and then not put the tabs back in the notches to close it after snooping.
His cheeseburger was in THIS box, which clearly has the tab poked over 1/3 lb CHEESEBURGER! So people don't have to rip open every box in their order, and lean over it, breathing across the food, to figure it out.
Seeing as how the items are printed on the boxes, I don't know how Farmer H could get his 1/3 pound cheeseburger in a black box all the time, and then set a black box aside to open a YELLOW box that had chicken written on it.
Farmer H is just too nosy for his own good.
I think you're expecting too much of him. You're being unreasonable. Those containers look almost exactly alike. Shame on you for getting on his case when those boxes are so misleading.
ReplyDeleteShame, shame shame.
Madam Unknown,
ReplyDeleteYes. Shame, shame, everybody knows my name. Don't think we don't know yours!
And don't get me started on BOXES! I'm going to skip a day before we revisit that topic.
You know when you are raising children and you teach them to not touch what they shouldn't by giving them a little slap on the fingers? With a firm 'no', followed by removing the item? Farmer H needs a slap on the fingers. Probably many slaps on the fingers. With instructions to please read the labels before opening any boxes. Did he actually touch your food? Picture me turning pale squeamish green if he did.
ReplyDeleteRiver,
ReplyDeleteThank the Gummi Mary, it wasn't a burger! I think his fingers were inside the edge of the box, but didn't touch my chicken tenders. He would have picked up a burger, and turned it around, looking at the ingredients on it.
Farmer H needs a sharp rap on the knuckles with a ruler! He isn't just learning, he should know better. If you'd see the top of the paper towel roll, where he holds on to tear one off, you'd faint dead away. How can a man leave black fingerprints AFTER washing his hands???
Probably by NOT using the soap and lathering twice.
ReplyDeleteRiver,
ReplyDeleteHe appears to use the soap. I think he doesn't rub it into his fingertips. Just squirts it on and rinses it off, like the SOAP is going to do all the work! He definitely doesn't lather twice.