Sweet Gummi Mary! What else can possibly go wrong? Lightning strike, disabled phone, needless BEEPing alarm, chicken strips the size of nuggets, The Pony's FOOT holding my TV remote, The Pony's shed hair being stroked by him like a guinea pig, a buttered coffee table, Farmer H willing to trade me for a (3rd!) tractor...
Here's what else can go wrong:
COUNTRY MART REARRANGED THEIR SHELVES!
My pride wenteth before this fall. Just the night before, I had a lengthy discussion with Farmer H concerning their merchandise. It was lengthy for ME. But apparently not for Farmer H. Very funny, Even Steven.
Farmer H took his "girlfriend" to the doctor in the city on Thursday. He scoffs when I call her his "girlfriend." Even though he texts her a lot, and drives her to some kind of treatment every week. And even said she cried one time because she was afraid I would be mad at him for spending so much time with her. Oh, Honey! If you only knew...
Anyhoo... out of the blue, right after supper, Farmer H said,
"Where do you get my popcorn?"
"The Corn-On-the-Cob popcorn?"
"Yeah."
"Country Mart, why? Did you eat all of it? There were four bags on the table. I'm going shopping tomorrow."
"I had part of a bag in the truck. My friend asked me about it."
"Oh, I see! Your girlfriend wants to know. You're asking for your girlfriend. Now you want me to buy HER some popcorn!"
"No. No. There was some left in the bag, and she tried some."
"So she feels so comfortable in your truck that she thinks she can just pick up random food and eat it?"
"She just tried it. She said it was good, and asked where I got it."
"I'm not buying popcorn for your girlfriend! It's in Country Mart. On the side by the pharmacy. In the middle aisle that goes across. Halfway between the pharmacy and the milk cooler. You go past the deli, turn left, and you'll come to the aisle."
Anyhoo... I went into Country Mart on Friday, past the deli, turned left, and saw everything was different!!! Instead of pool toys and paper plates, there was a whole aisle of cookies! And candy on the other side! A lady was putting stuff on the former $1 chip shelves. I asked her where I could find the $1 chips now.
"Over where the cases of water used to be."
The OPPOSITE CORNER of the store! I ended up there, and saw that they were out of the Corn-On-the-Cob popcorn.
When I got home, I explained it to Farmer H.
"So it's not where I said it was. Now it's over in the corner, on the front wall, where the water used to be. So if you told your girlfriend exactly where to find it, she won't."
"Oh. I didn't listen to that. I just told her you get it at Country Mart."
Not any more, I don't!
I am with you. My PITA threatens to run away with his dental hygienist. I say, "Give me her address. I'll drive your things over there and deliver them to her. Immediately."
ReplyDeleteHe's never given me her address, unfortunately.
Sioux,
ReplyDeleteMaybe he realized you ARE NOT JOKING!
Farmer H's buddy, Buddy, once accused his wife of cheating. She said, "I've got YOU. Why in the Not-Heaven would I want ANOTHER one?"
It may or may not have been the day after he came home from work with greasy fingers. She had him on a diet, but he stopped by the Gas Station Chicken Store on the way home from work for an 8-piece box. "You should have seen me! I was chuckin' bones out the window like crazy to get rid of the evidence before I got home!"
Does your other favourite store have the same brand of popcorn in a more easily accessed spot?
ReplyDeleteFarmer H's girlfriend does seem awfully friendly to be helping herself to popcorn. Unless he offered it to her to try, which is a different thing.
I WASN'T joking.
ReplyDeleteRiver,
ReplyDeleteI haven't seen it anywhere else. I guess Farmer H will need to be careful what he puts on the seat of SilverRedO! Including his butt!
***
Sioux,
He needs to leery of an unexpected wood chipper parked out front...
First comes the axe. Remember? We have a wood chipper, but it's not the industrial kind. It only handles smaller, uh, limbs.
ReplyDeleteSo he's gotta watch out for the axe. The chipper he won't even see...
Sioux,
ReplyDeleteHeh, heh! I snorted at the LIMBS!