Where Are The Steri-Strips: A Gallbladder Version Of Who's On First

There is the edge of dumbfudgery, and then there is the abyss. Farmer H took a nosedive over the precipice on Friday, and grabbed me by the wrist on his way down.

"I heard you in the shower. Did you take off the gauze squares from your incisions?"

"No. They're fine."

"Your discharge papers said not to get them wet. And that if they were bloody, to take them off. That one had blood on it, but I said it might be good to wait until your shower to pull it loose."

"They're not wet."

"You didn't get water on your belly in the shower?"

"Yes. But they're dry now. I just got out. They dried fast."

"The instructions said to take them off if they got wet."

"They're fine. I didn't see no steri strips."

"They might have fallen off. That's what the instructions said, too. To leave them on until they fell off, but not to worry if they DID fall off."

"I lifted up that one bandage, and there was no steri strip."

"Okay. Maybe it didn't need one. But the gauze should come off."

"No. There was no steri strip."

"I know. You just told me. And you told me yesterday that there wasn't a steri strip on your belly button. I saw there wasn't, when I put on a bandaid for you. They can't close up your belly button hole by pulling it together with a steri strip."

"It's the one that hurts."

"Yeah. Gravity pulls your stomach down when you stand up. They made a cut, and slid a tube in there. So of course it hurts as things shift around. It's cut on the inside, too."

"There's no steri strip."

"I KNOW!"

 

"And there's not any steri strips on the top ones, either. With the bandages."

 

"Maybe not. I didn't have any after my gallbladder surgery. The incisions are small. They don't always need a stitch or steri strips. Just like a small cut heals."

 

"Them papers said to leave the steri strips on until they fell off."

 

"But you don't have any. The instructions were general. For post-surgery. Not specific to gallbladder surgery. Some people may have steri strips, and some may not. And the papers said to take the gauze off if it got wet."

 

"It's NOT wet."

 

"But it WAS. After the shower."

 

"It's dry now."

 

"You are trapping moisture and possible bacteria in there by the incision. They want it open, to heal."

 

"There's no steri strips."

 

"I KNOW THAT! Quit saying the same thing over and over!"

 

"Well, there's not."

 

"It said to take off the gauze!"

 

"I can't take it off! Then what will hold the cut together?"

 

"I guarantee you the gauze isn't holding your cut together! It was just there in case any blood seeped out. Only one of them did! You didn't need steri strips, and you don't need the gauze! Take it off!"

 

"HM. Something has to hold that together until it heals!"

 

"Let me see. On that bloody one. It's fine! It's not pulling apart. It's a closed cut that's healing. Not pulling apart or anything! And that's the worst one, according to the blood on the gauze. Which you should take off. Because it got wet." 

"It's dry now. It's fine."

Sad thing is, Farmer H was not under the influence of painkillers when this conversation took place. I guess he's going to leave that gauze on there until it grows into his skin like a mesh patch. There's no talking sense to him. Even typed discharge instructions are not to be obeyed, in Farmer H's mind. He makes up his own rules as he goes along.