Monday I passed Farmer H on the tractor halfway up his badly-blacktopped hill. He'd been filling in holes down on the gravel road by the mailbox. Juno, Jack, and Copper Jack were trailing him, taking their time sniffing along the edges of the road. Jack was all wet. I guess he'd had his first creek-swim of the year.
When I came back home, the dogs were frolicking under the thorn tree over in the BARn field. Hick must have taken a ride down to our creek on the Gator, because Jack was wet again, and Juno's belly fur was damp. I presume Copper Jack has legs long enough to keep him dry when he walks into the water.
There's a problem with Farmer H hanging around the Mansion lately. He's creepy. A creeper. Like a SIDLER, only stationary. [link to a 2-minute clip of The Sidler of Seinfeld]
Monday morning I was walking from the master bathroom back to bed around 9:30 a.m., and THERE HE WAS! In the living room, standing behind the couch. Perfectly still. LOOKING AT ME! So disconcerting. He could have spoken to alert me of his presence. He'd come in while I was on the throne, I suppose. So I hadn't heard the kitchen door or his footsteps. Then he just stood there. Silent. Motionless, Until I glanced into the living room and saw him.
He did it again Tuesday. Again, I was on the throne. It's a common location to find me mid-slumber. Yet again, I had not heard him enter the Masnion. This time, I was up for the day, and walking into the living room carrying an armful of clothes to the laundry room. THERE HE SAT! In his recliner. Unreclined. With the TV off. Just sitting. Staring into space. The shades still closed. What in the NOT HEAVEN? Who does that?
If I didn't know better, I might assume he was trying to scare me to death...
Ugh! That is creepy. I actually shivered while reading this.
ReplyDeleteRiver,
ReplyDeleteSorry to give you nightmare fodder! Of course when I complained to Farmer H about his sneakiness, he declared that I was the one in the wrong.
I'd stand over him and watch him sleep, but he'd never notice. Maybe a well-placed pointy finger jab would wake him. He startles easily. Even a character jumping out in a movie can send him reeling backwards in fright. So I don't know how he can minimize my HORROR at his silent appearance where there was no Farmer H before.
What could you hide in his pockets or attach to his shoes that would alert you?
ReplyDeleteYou're in the wrong? Does he claim you didn't see him? Does he claim he means no harm, that he was just standing there, frozen, or just sitting there, staring?
I think he's changed his tactics... He still has the same goal in mind...
Sioux,
ReplyDeleteYes, I'm pretty sure his goal is still the same. He declares that his behavior is perfectly normal, and that MINE is unusual! Short of a giant cowbell attached to his belt, dangling from his butt, I know of nothing that can alert me. What I need is MORE COWBELL!