I don't ask for much. A daily 44 oz Diet Coke. Alone time with my innernets. Help carrying things up and down the 13 rail-less basement stairs. My DISH TV to work so I can watch my reality shows. Scratchers and casino trips in moderation. Not all that much, really.
I do my best to help (to borrow a line from Kevin McCallister's sister in Home Alone) what the French call 'les incompetents.' Meaning Farmer H and The Pony, both of whom I've spent hours of paperwork on this week.
Anyhoo... in order to enjoy the meager activities which give me joy, I need to have access to a phone. The landline. That's in case a call comes in that might actually need answering. I can't be running up 13 rail-less steps to the main phone, even IF it could be heard in my lair. Likewise, if I'm kicked back in my OPC (Old People Chair) enjoying a DVR of Tough As Nails, I shouldn't have to wait on the slow slow inclination of my recliner to jump out and run to grab a phone.
Farmer H and The Pony, and Genius before them, have already dropped the ball on the OPC phone. It sits under the lamp, on the table within reach, but it is DEAD. Deader than a doornail. Not, contrary to Genius's beliefs, deader than a doorknob.
I have told the guys for at least three years that my phone needs batteries. They hem and haw. "What KIND of batteries?" Take the back off of it. Look at the batteries. "Oh. I'll have to see if I can find those." And they NEVER DO!
So I gave up on that phone. We still had three others. My lair. The main one in the living room. And the one on MY side of the bed, that I used to answer every time the security company called Farmer H in to work because alarms went off when a bird got inside the building.
Wednesday afternoon, MY LAIR PHONE DIED! It didn't have X's for eyes, but it had a blank face. I took out the batteries and carried them upstairs. It takes two re-chargable AAA batteries. I told Farmer H, in his recliner, that I must have batteries for the phone on my lair desk.
"That's how I call the bank to see when checks are deposited, how I balance the checkbook, how I see what the credit card balance is, how I answer your calls when you're out."
"You go to the store all the time. Get some batteries."
"Um. I'm pretty sure Save A Lot and Country Mart don't have those batteries."
"It only takes a C battery."
"I don't know what phone you've been looking in, but these do NOT take a C battery. Here."
"Huh. Walmart will have them."
"I haven't been there since MARCH of 2020!"
"Oh. Well I don't go there."
"You go there all the time, looking for guns and ammunition."
"The Pony goes. He can get you some."
I don't know why it's so hard for Farmer H to do things around the house that you might expect a guy to take care of. It's not like I'm asking him to plan and prepare supper every night and put away leftovers and wash the dishes.
Anyhoo... Farmer H got to looking on his phone internet, and saw that they are only available online. Or at Best Buy. Which we don't have around here. But lucky for me, Farmer H is taking his Cancer Girlfriend to the city on Friday. So he can stop by Best Buy and he'd best buy me some batteries!
Meanwhile, I took the two batteries out of the bedroom phone to bring downstairs to my lair. Farmer H declared that we could put regular AAA batteries in the bedroom phone.
"Pony! Get them triple-A's and put in your mom's bedroom phone."
"I don't think you're supposed to use regular batteries!"
"It won't hurt." Said Farmer H and The Pony in unison. Until The Pony actually installed the batteries.
"Um. Dad? I don't know if we should do this. The phone is blinking a message: DO NOT USE ALKALINE BATTERIES."
"Bring it here. Huh. I thought it would go off. Wait. There. After I listened for a dial tone, it went off. Wait. Now it's back. It'll be okay. Leave 'em in there. Just don't put it on the charger."
So we'll see. Farmer H complained that TWO of the re-chargeable batteries cost $21. We'll need EIGHT. I'm sure the others are ready to expire as well.
"I hope it doesn't destroy the phone, and then it keeps the other three from working. Then we'd have to get new phones, and figure out how to hook them up."
"All you do is plug them in, HM." Said Farmer H, obviously not caring about the cost of four phones, only about the cost of eight batteries.
I thought rechargeable batteries were available everywhere. They are out here, all supermarkets have them. Do yours have to be a specific brand? I buy Eveready energiser rechargables for my one of my cameras, AA size and the same in AAA size for my LED torches, which you call flashlights. AND I have a plug in battery charger, so when those batteries go flat I fit them into the charger and plug it in to the eight outlet powerboard under the TV cabinet.
ReplyDeleteAlso I don't see why you've waited three years for 'them' to fix your phones. All it takes is one trip out of your usual routine and you have what you need to fix them yourself. or you could buy the batteries online and have them delivered. Amazon has everything.
Batteries. That IS a man's job. What has happened to the world these days? With us caged up and isolated, everything's gone topsy turvy.
ReplyDeleteRiver,
ReplyDeleteI haven't seen them in the grocery stores, or the battery display kiosk thingy in the front of the Devil's Playground. Maybe back in electronics, but Farmer H searched for these, and they weren't in the store.
"THEY" led me to believe they were going to look for the batteries. Then I forgot until I needed to get up to answer the phone in my lair, but couldn't get there in time. These batteries stay in the phone receiver, which sits in a little charging cradle. They don't last forever. Only 20 years or so, I guess!
My routine involves local shopping, not driving an hour to the city to look for a Best Buy store. I guess I could look on Amazon, and hope the delivery makes it here without theft or dog-eating. Which would not be good at all for my little Jack.
***
Sioux,
My man doesn't want to do ANY job that doesn't involve his stinkin' storage unit store!