I think you do. I think you know the Pretzel Man intimately, though not carnally. You know what makes him tick, and can predict his behavior. So this tale should not come as a surprise.
We have a new favorite snack this year. Honey Mustard Pretzels.
No, I did not buy them because they are "DOT'S" pretzels! I like honey mustard pretzels, and wanted to give them a try. Farmer H and even The Pony agree that these pretzels are delicious. I have a ramekin of them while scratching my lottery tickets in the afternoon. Farmer H grabs a handful as he returns to the Mansion, to tide him over until supper. I always have a couple extra bags on hand.
Saturday, Farmer H wanted some pretzels when he came home from his Storage Unit Store. He stopped at the table and picked up the bag.
"Huh. That bag is empty."
"No. There are pretzels in the bottom."
Farmer H put down the new bag he had picked up, and opened the used bag and peered inside.
"There's only two pretzels."
"No. There are some broken pieces like I had yesterday in my ramekin. Same amount as I ate yesterday."
"Okay. I'll leave them for you."
With that, Farmer H spirited away the new bag over to the cutting blog, and tore it open in a manner that made it look like The Pony had ripped it all willy-nilly.
Here's the thing. I don't begrudge Farmer H some pretzels. I buy them for all of us to share. But I think a person should finish off the already-open bag first. If that wasn't enough for Farmer H, he could have added some from the new bag.
WHY SHOULD I GET THE BROKEN PRETZELS???
Here's what I finished from the bottom of the bag, in my faux ramekin that lived its former life as a container of marinara sauce. Yes, I helped myself to a few of the "new" pretzels once I finished these particles. It's just the idea that I am not worthy of whole pretzels, and am the designated clean-up gal.
Next thing you know, Farmer H will be eating muffins and leaving me the stumps... and maybe some chicken skins and lobster shells, too.
I know the man who opens a new bag intimately!! There are times when he will open three of the same snack because he "didn't see" the open one next to it. Oh no, that is not the real reason! He doesn't use the bag clips to secure the bag closed and the contents are stale and he KNOWS I will eat them, rather than toss them, so he opens a new fresh bag for HIM! I may have some anger issues about this.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't have left just that few in the bottom of the bag anyway, the whole lot would get tipped into my bowl. Of course, now that I have given up snacking there aren't any such things in my house at all.
ReplyDeleteKathy,
ReplyDeleteFarmer H will leave crumbs in a bag, just to say he "didn't eat all of them." He also plays the game of "not seeing" an already open bag.
I bought some chips on sale at Country Mart a few weeks ago, 2 for $5. They were Herr's brand, which has interesting flavors. I used to get their Corn on the Cob flavored chips, and now I can't find them. Anyhoo... we first opened the Smokehouse Maple flavor. I saw Farmer H take them out of the pantry and open the bag.
THEY WERE SOFT! Not what you want in a chip!
I tried to eat them, but couldn't. Even Jack and Juno don't want them, so I toss them to Copper Jack when I get back from town, and give my own fleabags a better treat.
The other bag, Montreal Steak, is just fine. I don't know what happened to that soft bag. It had air in it and everything. Looked normal. Date was good.
***
River,
I had eaten all I wanted, with a Shasta Diet Cola. When the cola and pretzels came out even, I didn't want any more pretzels. So I left them in the bag for the next day. Not good enough for Farmer H!
With The Pony gone, we have way fewer snacks, but we DO still have snacks!
You're not Rebecca DeMornay. If you only get the stumps, I'm sure you won't go crazy...
ReplyDeleteSioux,
ReplyDeleteI wish I WAS! I admire her sassy-ness! Nobody better try to sell me toilet book, though, or let me catch them strapping a rickshaw to the homeless!