Still helping out Farmer H with the wire in his rumpus. Heh, heh. I just thought of an incident WAY back when we were first married, and Farmer H talked a lot in his sleep. He didn't SEEM like he was sleeping. He seemed perfectly lucid, until he'd get to a certain point. I'd question him, thinking we were having a conversation, and then...
"What are you doing?"
"Just pulling this wire out of the middle of my head."
Alrighty then! So now it seems a bit ironic that Farmer H has an actual wire sticking out of him! Thought not in his head, but his tail.
Anyhoo... Farmer H was so busy this weekend that I've dodged bathtime for a couple nights. Friday evening, he was busy grilling sausages. And Saturday, he only had a short window of time between Storage Unit Store-ing and time to leave for the auction. But SUNDAY, bathtime caught up with me.
As soon as I got back from town, I knew I was in for some heavy chores.
"Okay. I guess you're ready for me to shampoo your hair."
"Yeah." In fact, Farmer H was already in his underwear in the recliner.
"Well, let me change clothes. Then I'll do that. I guess I'll have about 10 minutes to start your supper while you run your bath. Then I'll come in to wash your back and squirt water up your butt."
"Yeah. That works."
"THEN I'll go back and do your supper. I'm not ready yet. But I'll get yours over with. There are a lot of steps. So it might take 45 minutes. Oh, and bring in your towels and washcloth so I can do a load of laundry."
You'd think a simple supper of already-cooked ham would be simpler. But I needed to slice off a big slab and heat it in a skillet for Farmer H's ham steak. Then cut up some baby carrots lengthwise so they'd microwave faster. Break off some cauliflower florets to add to the bowl and microwave after the carrots were getting done. Cut off some hunks of Velveeta cheese(-like product) to melt on top. Pop open a can of biscuits to bake. Lucky for me, Farmer H didn't want the corn-on-the-cob and leftover baked beans. He'll have them on Monday, again with a ham steak.
Oh, the new bandage put on Farmer H's upper rumpus is doing its job! Some blood has collected at the bottom of the gauze patch, but it is BROWN now! So he's not seeping, not soaking into his tighty-almost-whities. It might need a bit of tape to hold it down in a couple days. He goes back to the doctor on Friday for further treatment, or the end of treatment. Depending on how this experiment has panned out.
I'll be feeding him beans and leftover ham, with corn muffins, on Tuesday and Wednesday. Surely they'll have a chance to work themselves out of his system by Friday! I don't want him to blow the doctor across the room while he's on the table...
Oh, make the doctor earn his deductible...
ReplyDeleteHelping with the bath...squirting water up his butt...
Retirement sure does sound like it's fun!
Well dammit Val! Now all I want for dinner is a ham steak and it's too cold to walk back to the shop, so I'll have to make do with chicken schnitzel.
ReplyDeleteSioux,
ReplyDeleteI will gladly let you have some of the Farmer H fun. For half an apple, a kite in good repair, or any of the following:
twelve marbles, part of a jews-harp, a piece of blue bottle-glass to look through, a spool cannon, a key that won’t unlock anything, a fragment of chalk, a glass stopper of a decanter, a tin soldier, a couple of tadpoles, six fire-crackers, a kitten with only one eye, a brass door-knob, a dog-collar – but no dog – the handle of a knife, four pieces of orange-peel, and a dilapidated old window sash.
River,
ReplyDeleteSorry! I even gave up my own ham steak tonight, in favor of Country Mart fried chicken, and cut it up to add to the beans. Which I'm cooking right now, and they're about ready for that diced ham, and some cherry pepper juice. Your schnitzel sounds good. I've never had it, but I saw it on The Amazing Race a few years ago. The contestants had to eat a meal of it on a sky tram thingy!
Washing his hair and sponging his back mus be akin to me giving one of th dogs a bath ....
ReplyDeleteKathy,
ReplyDeleteI imagine you do it much more tenderly!