Farmer H Has Only Showed His Rumpus Twice Since Friday

Twice. Once literally, once figuratively.

 

Since his medical procedure on Friday, Farmer H as been able to bathe himself! Not a bath per se, but a shower, if he doesn't let water spray directly on his stitches. I'm still not understanding the whole implantation wire/battery thingy. But Farmer H DID show me the result on Saturday.

 

The area that had the leaky bandage was completely uncovered! Looked healthy, with only a small hole and bit of surrounding redness, where a wire had been poking out, attached to a battery pack on a belt. Now, that battery pack is apparently under Farmer H's skin. On the right side, I guess, which has about a 3-inch, horizontal incision held together by gnarly knotted stitches.

 

To be fair, that stitched area was there before. Not even covered. Maybe they opened it up again, then sewed it back. Farmer H sure wasn't able to tell me. Having been KNOCKED OUT, you know, during the procedure. Anyhoo... it had a small see-through oval patch over it. Like a plastic bandage. Looked healthy enough. Farmer H said he was allowed to shower on Saturday! Which he did. And twice on Sunday! He said the bandage should fall off in about a week, and the stitches should absorb in 10 days. He has a follow-up appointment, but it doesn't involve the stitches.

Now that he's self-sufficient, Farmer H has resumed his true coloring. He grilled pork steaks on Monday evening. I set out his BBQ brushes, a bottle of sauce, a rectangular tray covered with foil to transport the cooked meat. I shucked two ears of corn, peeled off all the stringy things, slapped on some butter, wrapped them in foil for cooking on the grill, and put them on the tray.

Farmer H had told me the grilling would take about an hour. I had only to make some instant mashed potatoes, and heat up some frozen garlic toast to complete the meal. Imagine my surprise when, after 45 minutes, Farmer H returned with the hot meat tray.

I'd already measured out my water into a saucepan for the potatoes, and turned on the burner. (The correct one!)

"I didn't know you'd be done so soon! You said an hour."

"I did not. I said 45 minutes."

"Nope. You didn't."

"It don't matter anyways. You said you wasn't cooking the potatoes until I brought in the meat."

"They only take 1 minute. But I could have had the pickles out, and the onion sliced, and my sauce ramekin for dipping."

As I turned to get the garlic toast out of the freezer (it takes 6 minutes), I noticed that Farmer H had set that tray of meat on the front burner. Where I'd have to reach over it to stir the potatoes on the back burner. Every other time, he's set the meat on the left side of the stove, on THAT front burner.

"I can't believe you just put that meat there in my way."

"I don't know where I'm supposed to put it! You have stuff all over the stove! So if you want me to put it somewhere else, I suggest you clean off the stove!"

Sweet Gummi Mary! The NERVE of that cheeky rumpus! 

 

"The only things on the stove are those two pizza pans. They always sit there. The front one has the foil on it to put the garlic toast on. It's not too heavy for you to move. You could have stacked it on top of the one on the back burner. Or set the meat back there."

 

THEN he went off, lecturing me about nothing and everything. Declaring that he didn't want no garlic bread, just forget it! Concluding with: "You are mad at yourself and you take it out on me!"

Seriously? What in the Not-Heaven? I was most definitely mad at HIM, and not at all at myself!

Things are back to normal around here...