Oh, how I regret (unknowingly) sweet-talking that possum outside my kitchen door! Several nights a week, over the past few months! I was so sure it was one of my dogs. But no. I apparently made a new friend. An unwanted friend.
Tuesday, Farmer H was sitting in the recliner as I was leaving for town. He had an event to attend with The Veteran, so took time off from his busy schedule of catering to the elderlies, playing fake slot machines at the gas station and pawn shop, puttering around his SUS2.5, and avoiding having the oil changed in T-Hoe.
I went out the kitchen door with a piece of bread in my hand for my little Jack. He came prancing around the porch to greet me, all wriggles and smiles. As I was sweet-talking Jack, my eyes were drawn to the underneath of GassyG Jr. Where a tail protruded!!!
"EEEEE! Jack! It's the POSSUM! Get it!"
Jack continued to look up at me adoringly. I stomped my foot. Nothing. "I've gotta go tell Dad, Jack!" I tossed his bread onto the side porch and went back to the kitchen door, hollering in, "That POSSUM is out here under your grill! It's probably getting away while I'm telling you!"
I heard the recliner close, and went back to the side porch. Where Jack was calmly eating his piece of bread, but the tail was gone. Not gone! It was under the wooden shelves against the garage wall. Farmer H came out.
"There! It's under your shelves! Get it!"
Farmer H picked up a long scraper that the uses on the grill. He got right up to the shelves. He almost had a foot under there!
"You're going to get bit! It's RIGHT THERE!"
"I cain't see it."
"No! You're right on top of it! It might bite you. You could get rabies!"
I don't think possums carry rabies."
Farmer H commenced to poking, while Jack sat behind him and watched. I was halfway down the steps. The possum was facing me. He looked at Farmer H like, "Why are you doing this to me?" Finally he walked out, to the edge of the side porch! Where I usually pet Jack! And put his two front feet down over the side, as if to jump down on the sidewalk!
"NO! He's gonna get me!"
"He ain't gonna get you, HM."
Jack ran down to the sidewalk, and the possum turned and walked over to the porch rails that overlook the fake fish pond. Farmer H stood, menacing the grill scraper.
"You go on to the garage. He ain't gonna get you."
The possum's path was blocked by a red and white Playmate cooler. He put his front feet up on it.
"Now! Knock him in the head!"
"I don't wanna hurt him."
"WHY NOT???"
The possum jumped up over the cooler. Went through the rails. Jumped down by the fake fish pond. And ran across the back yard, past the squirrel feeder, and into the woods. That's when Jack took a shortcut through the porch lattice that Pupsie had broken, and darted after the possum, barking his fool head off down through the trees.
That possum did not seem to grasp the seriousness of the situation. I DO NOT need a new friend. My protectors sorely disappointed me. I don't want to KILL the possum, really. Just make it go away.
4 comments:
At least Farmer H arrived in a timely manner. We got new recliners. They have a remote to recline and to un-recline. It is not fast, more like agonizingly slow. When the kittens first came out, Drew came to the door and told me to "come quick". I considered trying to straddle the extended foot and get to my feet, then I reconsidered that action, picturing my old lady self, lying on the floor, legs tangled in the foot of the chair. I could call out "Help, I am an idiot for trying this!"
Kathy,
I know exactly what you mean! My OPC (Old People Chair) is down those 13 rail-less steps in the basement. I can't get down there now, but I remember how SLOW that chair was at reclining and declining. Farmer H's recliner is the lever kind. The slowest part is when he stands up. He's been having a knee issue for a couple weeks.
I would definitely want to kill it, or have someone kill it for me. I'm not Granny in the Beverly Hillbillies- I don't want to be making possum stew. I just want the XXXX things gone!
River,
After consulting my estranged BFF Google, it seems that possums will go away if their food source disappears. I'm going to "suggest" that Farmer H stop filling the self-feeder for Jack. It could help get rid of the squirrels, too, maybe. And I'll stop tossing my daily banana peel off the back porch for the wildlife to feast upon.
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