Wednesday, September 11, 2019

You're A Mean One, Mr. DISH

Whew! Call me a master show-woman! I just dodged a bullet and sent it right back to the shooter. Who shall not remain nameless, but be outed as DISH network.

A month or two ago, Farmer H called DISH to repair our receiver, which would deny us channels that we paid handsomely for, on time, for many years. Farmer H actually hung up on DISH. On two separate occasions, I think. Then he bit the bullet I just dodged, and scheduled a house call/home visit/whatever they term it.

Problem was, such a visit would cost a $100 fee. Farmer H said, "NO WAY, JOSE! Forget it then, and I'll drop your like a hot potato, and get a new satellite service!" Not in those exact words. And not meaning to follow through forthwith, because he did not have MY permission!

Anyhoo... the rep said she could sign Farmer H up for the protection plan, and the visit would be free. Farmer H said he didn't want a protection plan, but the rep insisted that it was a free trial, so Farmer H agreed. No charges showed up on the next bill, so we forgot all about it.

On Monday, Sept 9, I noticed an email from DISH.

Hi Farmer H & Hillbilly Mom

We hope you're enjoying the last month of your DISH Protect offer.

Starting on Tuesday, Sept 10, DISH Protect Silver (reg $11.99) will be billed to your account at the regular price.

Heads Up: Your DISH Protect Offer is Ending on Tuesday, Sept 10, 2019.

Manage My Programming (button)

To customize your programming, including removal of your premium channels, call BLAH BLAH BLAH or visit BLAH BLAH

Update My Programming (button)

If you wish to keep this programming, no further action is required.

Pretty confusing. When I checked my email at 10:00 p.m., I had two hours to delete that protection offer. I felt like MacGyver diffusing a bomb!

It took 10 minutes to get into the website. I could not find the protection plan listed on our itemized charges. So how could I get rid of it?

Aha! Way down the sidebar was a choice of PROTECTION OFFER. Going in it popped up that it was a trial, good until 9-29-19. I don't think so. Because they were going to bill me starting 9-10-19, which was now 90 minutes away!

I had to figure out how to get out of that. Some button, perhaps? What did it say? Remove, maybe? I can't remember what I clicked on, but the next screen SAID my request was completed. We'll see.

I need to be protected from the protection offer!!!

In the meantime, here's a little stolen song about what I think of DISH sending me that email the day before I had to take action or be charged $11.99 per month for eternity or until I figured out how not to.


You're a mean one, Mr. DISH
The elders you would spam
You're as cuddly as a stick-man
You're transparent as a dam
You're an unblocked number with a credit card scam

You're a monster, Mr. DISH
Your methods I revile
You try to bait and switch us
A grievance I should file
I wouldn't trust you for a thirty-nine-and-a-half blink while

You're a vile one, Mr. DISH
Like my bank stealing my loot
You have  the statuesque craptasticness
Of T. Jefferson on a boot 
Given the choice between the two of you, I'd take T. Jefferson on a boot

You're a foul one, Mr. DISH
You're an icky-yicky punk
Your heart is full of cheap doodads
Like my husband's auction junk
The three words that describe your communication style are: clink, clank, clunk


River said...

What exactly does the protection offer do for you and did you eventually get someone out to repair the original dish problem?

Hillbilly Mom said...

The way Farmer H explained it, the protection offer meant that DISH will send a repairman to your house without charging the $100 fee. Of course, they'd be getting $11.99 x 12 months a year, so you'd be paying $143.88 to avoid a $100 charge... They have a more expensive plan, too, but I don't know what it protects you from.

Yes, a repairman came within a week. Between him and Farmer H, they solved the problem with a new receiver (no charge, it's their equipment anyway, like a lease).

Kathy's Klothesline said...

It's a scam, it's all a scam. Protection from what exactly? HeWho will yell at them and tell them he will just change to Direct. And then he does and we have Direct until he gets mad at them, then we have Dish again. Yes, It is confusing and yes, I have to learn all new remotes and channels. It is a pain. We have a lot of the actual dishes. People that stay here will get service and leave the dish behind. So far I have been unable to come up with a way to re-use them ...

Hillbilly Mom said...

It's definitely a racket! You have to give them your credit card number to establish service. At least we did way back when we started out with them. I refuse to have my payments automatically paid from my card or my bank account. I'm pretty sure that if you get behind, they'd find a way to take their money from it anyway! And make YOU sue THEM to stop them. Not that I plan on not paying, of course.

I think it's just a protection from their FAULTY EQUIPMENT that would require you to pay $100 for them to come fix their own FAULTY EQUIPMENT.

My internet comes through DISH, so I'm reluctant to change to another TV service. We can't get much of anything out here in the middle of nowhere. I AM upset about going without CBS since August 15. I don't really think either DISH or Meredith Corporation is trying very hard to negotiate. I can still get my St. Louis ABC, NBC, FOX, and PBS. But I sure do miss my Big Brother, and soon my Survivor.

Sioux Roslawski said...

Craptasticness. That's a word I've never encountered. ;)

You know I always love HM when she's song-writing.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Yes, Madam, you're my biggest fan. I write for you! I picture you standing in the crowd (of one), swaying to the music, holding your Bic lighter, hoping for an encore.

River said...

What?? You watch Big brother? and Survivor? Oi!

Hillbilly Mom said...

Well, not NOW, because I can't get that channel! I have to check for updates online. I like my reality TV.