I shudder to inflict this upon your tender psyches, but remember when The Pony was sent upstairs to get my favorite sweatshirt, Old Baby Blue, and encountered a naked Farmer H walking across the living room, holding Old Baby Blue over his private area?
Yeah. Well. The Pony will never be the same again, either. But I had a traumatic experience of my own on Monday, when I prepared for my daily shower. No. You can unclench your rumpus. Farmer H's private area isn't involved...directly.
I turn on the shower water to warm up, and go to the sink to brush my teeth. My toothbrush lies across a wooden toothbrush holder mounted on the wall on the left side of the sink. It has four holes in it, but my toothbrush sits all the way down in them. I don't want the wet brush part of my toothbrush against wood 23 hours and 55 minutes a day. It would be different if the shape of the toothbrush meant that the plastic part kept the brush area from falling down against the wood.
Anyhoo... The Pony keeps his toothbrush in his own bathroom. Farmer H prefers his lying on top of the metal shower door frame. So mine is all by itself on that wood holder. I just lay it across the big hole in the middle that might be for a cup. The brush end is free, hanging over the edge, touching nothing.
After brushing my teeth, I rinsed out my toothbrush. Shook out the excess water into the sink. And set it back across the wooden holder. Except I didn't. That toothbrush slipped as I was laying it down! It hit the edge of the wooden holder, and
FLIPPED OUT OVER THE EDGE OF THE VANITY, SPIRALING END OVER END THROUGH THE TWO-FOOT SPACE BETWEEN THE VANITY AND BIG TRIANGLE TUB!
It reminded me of that flare [you can see it in the first 20 seconds of this 3:52 clip] Brendan Fraser threw at the end of Journey to the Center of the Earth, trying to hit a vein of magnesium in the rock wall, and cause an explosion to blast them out to the surface of the Earth.
Only my toothbrush did not end up being sterilized by a fiery explosion. My toothbrush
LANDED IN A PILE OF FARMER H's DIRTY TIGHTY-WHITIES AND SOCKS!
I am sure you realize that my horror did not involve the socks. I gasped! I'm surprised I didn't faint from hyperventilation. I grabbed my toothbrush with finger and thumb, and swished it under the hot water stream for what seemed longer than necessary, then again not long enough.
I'm pretty sure I should just burn it. There are other toothbrushes in the drawer. But I'll still have to touch that one to dispose of it.
I notified The Pony by text, during his nightly big triangle tub soak.
"Forgot to tell you, the most horrific thing happened to me before my shower."
"Oh?"
"My toothbrush flipped off the holder and landed in Dad's dirty underwear on that hamper lid! My fault. Butterfingers, not paranormal."
"Even the ghosts aren't that cruel."
There are many shudder-worthy things I encounter in our bathroom. (We only have one, you know.) I tried to avoid imagining it--what it looked like--but could not.
ReplyDeleteI'll have to bleach out my mind's eye later tonight...
I wouldn't have bothered to clean that toothbrush, just tossed it straight in the bin, scrubbed my hands then got out a new one. and probably replaced that wooden holder with something better that doesn't hold water, plastic or metal perhaps. My toothbrush just stands up in a plastic cup with the tube of toothpaste.
ReplyDeleteWhy is Hick's dirty laundry on the floor? March him in there and make him put the things in the hamper. Tell him I told you to.
Sioux,
ReplyDeleteConsider this my gift, like a fine oil portrait of Farmer H (without Old Baby Blue), to your mind's eye.
***
River,
I was in shock, I think! I tried to grab my toothbrush before the 5-second rule. Which I don't think is in effect if the "floor" consists of a pile of soiled tighty-whities and socks.
The dirty laundry is TECHNICALLY not on the floor. He has a plastic hamper, cylindrical, with a "woven" pattern that lets air circulate freely (too freely for my liking!), with a cap kind of lid. He usually has his CLEAN laundry still in the hamper, sitting in the bedroom awaiting folding. So he lets the lid sit upside down in that little alcove between vanity and tub, and drops his T-W and socks on the lid. It will take a lot of marching, because first we'll have to go to the hamper of clean clothes, await the folding and drawering, and continue our march to the lid.