Had My First Clip On A Friday Night. I Don't Reckon That I Did It Right.

Friday night, Farmer H went to take a shower. He planned on taking his pain pill afterwards, and bed. I was at the kitchen table innernetting. I said I'd check on him later. I'd already taken in a bottle of water to have on the nightstand.

"HM! I need your help!"

Well. That sent a shiver up my spine.

"I'll be right there! I'm coming!"

"You don't have to hurry." 

Farmer H was standing at the entrance to the kitchen, holding his tube. He's usually holding his plastic bag, but this time he had it in one hand, and his catheter tube in the other. He headed for the bedroom, and I followed. He eased himself onto the bed.

"This tube came loose! I cain't get it back on. I cain't see below my stomach. Can you clip it back?"

"I don't know what I'm doing. There's THREE tubes! None of them look like they'll fit in that clip."

"Well, one of them was in there. It held my catheter in place. Now it just dangles down and pulls on me! It hurts. We've gotta get it clipped back in."

"I can't figure it out. Do you know which one was in the clip? Do you have instructions? With a diagram?"

"No. They said it would never come out. But it did!"

"I'm trying to fit each of them in the clip, but it has a pointy thing sticking up. What's THAT for? Was it to block an opening in one of the tubes?"

"I don't know. Try to fit it on there."

"I don't know if that's a good idea. You could get an infection."

"We have to do something. Just try it."

[Pictures may show you more of Farmer H than you want to see, but I guarantee it's just his belly, hairy upper thigh, and thumb. You won't see the business end of his catheter, nor the other end, either.]

Here's what I was looking at:

This plastic gadget they said would never come open. It's on a swivel, so the catheter doesn't tug on Farmer H as his leg moves. But there's a pointy thing sticking up that keeps the tubes from fitting in there and then snapping shut.

Here are the three tubes:

The clear one is the catheter. The clear part was too big to fit in the clip. Farther along, I was pretty sure we shouldn't clip in the softer part, as that would cut off the flow through the tubing. The arms of that "tubey cactus" were obviously to be used for inserting stuff into Farmer H. But even they wouldn't fit into the clip to hold the whole apparatus in place.

Farmer H reached down and snapped that plastic gadget shut.

"See? That's how it closes."

"Why did you do that? What if I can't get it open again? I don't know what to do! Here. I'll get my phone, and take a picture so you can see."

Farmer H looked. And was still mystified. I fiddled with the plastic gadget, and by reading upside down and backwards on that sticky thing, I got the clip opened.

"I can try farther up. Try clamping that catheter tube down by the arms of the cactus. It might fit on one side of that pointy thing. THERE! It fit, and I snapped it shut. But I don't know if that's right!!!"

"Now tape it shut, HM! So it can't snap open again!"

"I can't do that! It's supposed to swivel. I can't tape it down. And that sticky patch is coming loose at the bottom. The whole thing might come off! I'm getting some tape, and I'll put it around the edges of that patch. At least that will stay on."

"That clip might come open!"

"I think you need to call the doctor. Or go up there tomorrow and ask if it's on right. You have FIVE MORE DAYS with this!"

"Maybe I'll do that. I can drive up to the ER and ask."

"You'll wait forever. But at least they can tell you what's going on with it. And maybe put on a new patch with a new clip."

"They might just put a new catheter in."

"NO! Don't let anyone do THAT! The urologist wanted the catheter to stay in to stop the bleeding! It's still bleeding every time you move around. A new one would start the whole thing all over again! Maybe you could just go to urgent care. Somebody should know how a catheter clips onto one of these things."

"I'll go to the ER up there like he told me. It looks okay right now, as long as the clip doesn't come open again."

Well. Farmer H did NOT go to the ER. He said everything was working okay, so he just came home from his SUS2.5 on Saturday without consulting anyone. What we needed was the advice of Blog Buddy Kathy! I'm pretty sure she knows her way around a catheter.

Farmer H's plumbing seems to be working okay with this arrangement, no matter how right or how wrong we have it hooked up.

[As for my title, apologies to Ed Sheeran, whom I'm sure reads my supersecret blog. What else could he possibly have to do? I don't want to pay any royalties for stealing a line from "Castle on the Hill." Surely Ed won't object to his song being mangled for a catheter catastrophe!]