The Insanity Of A Farmer H Description

You may recall that Farmer H does not describe things like any other human on earth. Oh, no. He has his own way of explaining, and if you don't get it, YOU CAIN'T UNDERSTAND NOTHIN'!

Wednesday evening, The Pony got home around 7:00. Only a 10.5-hour day! I warmed up his leftover pasta that I had frozen last time we used the expired pasta, and heated two slices of frozen garlic toast from Save A Lot. Otherwise, The Pony says he'll make something after his 2-HOUR NIGHTLY SOAK IN THE BIG TRIANGLE TUB IN THE MASTER BATHROOM. Then he falls asleep, or is too tired to cook. So he gets up hungry. Or eats a snack of soft garlic cheese with crackers at 3:00 a.m., and is nauseated on his 6:00 a.m. route. Like on Monday.

Anyhoo... The Pony was sitting at the marred coffee table, just waiting to drop some saucy pasta on my carpet, I'm sure. I was on the short couch, and Farmer H in his recliner. They were discussing Pony House closet. The main closet that will be in the master bathroom. Farmer H plans for it to be a walk-in closet, but with an accordion door. I think it should be a regular long closet, and not waste the room to step into it. Farmer H thought I meant to LITERALLY not step into it. The part about NOT leaving a 2-3 foot corridor in the middle of the closet was lost on him.

"HM! You'll HAVE to walk in the closet! Nobody has 4-foot-long arms! You can't stand outside the closet and reach the clothes!"

"I don't mean THAT. Instead of a short rack on one side, and shelves on the other, you could have a long rack across the whole closet. You could still have shelves or cubbies at one end. Just don't hang clothes all the way down the rod. At the other end, you could have a lower rack, too. So you could double the hanging room at one end."

"No. You're not getting it!"

"Mom. He knows what he's doing."

"I just think that would be wasting space, to leave an open area to walk in."

"HM. Look. Since you can't ever understand anything..."

Farmer H held up an envelope. A regular business-size envelope. He ran his finger along the bottom edge.

"Here. This envelope is the closet. You're here. At the back of the closet--"

"Wait! Why am I at the BACK OF THE CLOSET? Can't you show me like I'm standing in the bathroom, getting ready to reach into the closet? Nobody is going to be standing against the back wall of the closet, looking out!"

"OH MY LORD! Here, then!"

Farmer H actually took that envelope, and FLIPPED IT 180 DEGREES. He ran his finger along the bottom of the envelope again. Which was actually the flap part now, since he'd flipped it over.

 

"NOW you're at the FRONT of the closet..."

 

The Pony cut eyes at me. So much for being loyal to his dad.

"SERIOUSLY? Did you just do that? Did you FLIP the envelope over to say I'm at the front of the closet??? Why not just say, 'Okay, you're at the front of the closet looking in.' It's not like the envelope is the actual closet!"

 

Farmer H droned on as if any normal person would flip over an envelope to pretend I was on the other side. We know they would not.

Farmer H Is One Of Those People Who Give Something And Then Take It Back

If you're a Seinfeld aficionado, you'll understand the title. Let's just say that episode involved a certain life-size wooden statue found at a cigar store, and political correctness concerning Jerry's new girlfriend.

Anyhoo... it's relevant here because once upon a time, Farmer H gave me a new heater for my dark basement lair. You might recall that my underdesk heater went on the fritz, then came back to life, then finally bit the dust. I've been freezing for a while now. It's not quite as bad during the summer months. Even though I DID used to run it because the air conditioning was too cold down here.

Anyhoo... the new heater Farmer H gave me wasn't new at all. I think he found it in the stuff from the original 18 storage units that he bought. It's a little beige radiator-looking heater. Like in my 2nd grade classroom. A RADIATOR! You don't wanna touch that baby when it's running! 

This little radiator is about 2 feet tall. It has 6 "folds" that radiate the heat. It's electric. I'm not sure it is fully working. Oh, it DOES take the chill off. I am at this very moment without my orange sock cap! My fingers have enough feeling to type. Sure, my thighs still feel like corpse thighs when I'm sitting on the throne in the NASCAR bathroom next to my lair. But it's definitely an improvement over NO heater.

This little radiator would be more effective if it had a fan or blower. I think it does have one, but it doesn't work. There are two dials. One clicks into notches that saw LOW, MEDIUM, HIGH. I hear nothing when I change from one setting to another. The other dial turns smoothly. It has a little circular stripe that starts out thin, and gets thicker on the other end. So I'm thinking that's the amount of heat you're getting.

Anyhoo... this little radiator radiates like a charm. If I walk past and hold my hand over the top, I can feel the heat coming off of it. I have to set it in the middle of my lair walkway. It's supposed to be 2 or 3 feet away from objects. Right now one side is only about 18 inches away from my newer (unused) rolly chair. But nothing is close enough to burst into flames. Nothing is in contact.

The plug-in cord of this little radiator gets hot. Farmer H says they will do that. The thick extension cord I have it plugged into gets hot on about the last four inches of the cord. I monitor it closely. It's within arm's reach. I always unplug this little radiator when I leave my lair. The only exception being trips to the NASCAR bathroom next door.

Farmer H said this weekend that he's planning to take this little radiator over to Pony House, so he can have heat while he works. I'm not thrilled about that...

Sweet Treats For The Unpetite

Sunday, I discovered that Farmer H had brought home a PIE from the auction Saturday night. It was down in the bottom of FRIG II, in the top of the two crisper drawers. Huh. Funny how he didn't mention it. Yes, of course I asked.

"Oh. I was gonna tell you. Look! I bought you some treats. A whole BAG of them!"

Farmer H walked to the table, and held up a Devil's Playground bag, full of clear bags of a cereal/candy mix of the type we call Puppy Chow. Which still didn't explain the pie. Yes, of course I steered the conversation back.

"It's not really a pie. It says it's a turtle cheesecake. With caramel and pecans. But when I ate some, it didn't really taste like cheesecake to me."

I tried a piece on Sunday night. Not a fan. It has a dark cookie crumble crust, like ground Oreo. Kind of a smushy tasteless middle. An occasional pecan. And some liquidy caramel drizzle. Not bad, but not much flavor. I won't be having any more. 

 

However... I tried some of the Puppy Chow stuff on Monday. My mom used to make Puppy Chow. It consists of Crispix cereal, which is like Chex in a more round, perhaps pentagon shape, coated with a combo of melted chocolate and peanut butter, then shaken with powdered sugar. The auction version is a little different. 

 

All but one (of the 9 remaining, since I found an empty one in the wastebasket) bags is the Puppy Chow. One is labeled as Haystacks. I've had them before. I think they are sesame noodles coated with melted butterscotch chips. I left them for Farmer H. Here's a closeup of my Puppy Chow:

 

I posed the label off the bag in the ramekin with a portion. Apparently, THIS Puppy Chow has a special pedigree. It's White Chocolate Pom Chow. There is Rice Chex, white chocolate chips, and M&Ms. There's some peanut butter blobs, too. Maybe mixed with powdered sugar. Very tasty. Farmer H got the candy and pie for the grand sum of ONE DOLLAR! He entered the table drawing, the price of a ticket being $1, and won it, choosing these treats as his prize.

Thanks, Farmer H. Even though you tried to hide your secret pie.

Once They're Sanitized, They Can Slip Into Something More Comfortable

Hand sanitizer it not the only "treat" I bought The Pony at Country Mart. I also got him a pair of gloves for work. I know they won't be useful for the hand he uses to type things into his scanner. Most likely his right hand, as he's not a crazy lefty like Genius. But he can use these gloves when the weather is chilly, on days he delivers packages.

 

Temperatures have been dipping below freezing overnight here at the Mansion this past week. The Pony does NOT park under the carport, even though Farmer H cleared space for him by moving the Gator. He says he allows time to scrape his windshield. So he could use the gloves for that, too.

 

Aren't they cool? The background color and shadow of my phone does not do them justice. They're that bright HIGHLIGHTER YELLOW color. Not bad for grocery store gloves! The best part is: they were only $1.99! You can't beat that with a stick!

I actually bought The Pony a pair last week, but what I thought was size L was actually size XL. The Pony said the fingertips were a little bit long, and he'd prefer a simple size L. For $1.99, I picked up a pair the next time I went. PLUS a pair for Farmer H, who had seen the XLs, and said he wouldn't mind having some for himself. You know, for $1.99. They both like their new gloves!

 

Here's a closeup of the "honeycomb" grip, and the mesh back. Farmer H will be using his gloves to work on Pony House. He's working without a furnace, you know. Having trouble getting a call back from the heating & cooling guy, who's a former student of mine, and a distant relative of Farmer H.

If the display still has gloves left in the proper size, I might pick up a couple more pair!

The Piper Is Paid, And The Infection Is Partially Slayed

Sweet Gummi Mary! I feel like a dentist sometimes! It's like pulling teeth to get one simple task accomplished by The Pony! Not sure what would happen without me being the gale force wind beneath his wings.

The Pony worked 11 hours on Friday. I was pleasantly surprised to learn, upon his arrival back at the Mansion at 8:00, that he HAD received the email link from the USPS to repay his salary overpayment.

"Oh, are you going to pay it tonight?"

"Probably not. I think I'll wait until Monday, when the shop steward should be back at work."

"Um. I don't think so. Did you read the email? Is there a time limit? A lot of links like that are only good for a couple of hours. Like when you get a code to reset a password."

"I haven't looked at it that close, because I was working. I'll read it after I get out of the tub."

"I think you need to pay it on Saturday. There's no need to wait. You already told your shop steward that you're paying it by debit, and she agreed. So just get it done. If your case gets reversed, you'll have to fight to get your back pay anyway. So this will just be one more week added in. At least it will be done, and they can't accuse you of scamming."

I didn't talk to The Pony again until Saturday (day off because he'll be working Veteran's Day on his planned day off) at 1:00.

"Did you pay your money with the link?"

"Not yet."

"What are you waiting for?"

"It doesn't have a time limit. And besides, I haven't been up very long."

"You need to pay it before you get in the tub tonight."

"I will."

About 5:30, as I was chatting with Farmer H before he left for the auction. here came The Pony on his way to his nightly bath in the big triangle tub in the master bathroom.

"I figured I'd just pay it now. My debit card is out here. I'm pretty sure I'll need the numbers off of it."

He had the screen open. He started pecking away. Mumbling numbers. Said it was DONE! And that he had a confirmation email. He took a picture of the screen with his phone. I told him to save the email, too. And said not to be surprised if he got another such notice, since he thought he had been paid for 3 weeks.

The Pony looked back at his bank account activity, and deduced that we were both wrong. He had been paid 2 weeks. So there might be another notice coming. Meh. If it does, it does. Mrs. HM will be on the case!

In other news, I am on my fourth full day of taking my Doxycycline antibiotic. Only Saturday morning, my teeth felt almost the right size again. The shooting ear pain has been gone almost a full day. The only issue now is dizziness, and a shooting vertical pain over my left eye. Maybe a sinus is trying to get attention. My right ear is still a little painful, as is my lower jaw. I didn't take any pain medicine for 24 hours. Just my usual nightly aspirin on Friday night with supper. Then again Saturday night with supper. However... I might have stopped too soon. I think I'll take an ibuprofen around midnight. It might help a bit with the inflammation. 

Still six days left of the antibiotics. You can bet I'm going to finish every single pill.

Some Hoof Sanitizer For The Pony

Every time I go to Country Mart, I bring home a little surprise. It's usually something that catches my eye, which I had no intention of buying when I entered. They might have wonky packaging in their deli, and expired foods on their shelves, but Country Mart has a clever marketer in their midst.

I was on the household cleaning supplies aisle. I'd picked up a 9-pack of toilet paper, because you never know when hoarding might start again. And a 3-pack of Puffs With Lotion, because I was down to one box. I really wanted a roll of paper towels, but that clever marketer must have exclaimed: "Paper towels don't belong on the household cleaning aisle! Paper towels belong with the paper plates and plastic forks." While looking and looking with slim hope that I'd just overlooked the paper towels, I spied THIS:

 

Mini bottles of hand sanitizer! Something you never know you need until you see it. The orange fragrance version in my purse is getting low. I've had it a couple years. Maybe more, because I know I used it when I shopped at the Devil's Playground where I haven't been since The Pony graduated and moved home, in May 2020. My casino purse bottle, with a cinnamon roll fragrance, is still over half full.

Anyhoo... the price on this 2-pack was $1.00. That is amazing! Remember how the prices got jacked up, back when you could hardly find hand sanitizer because the hoarders bought it to jack up the price? Only $1.00 for TWO bottles! I'm pretty sure it must be the kind that's been found to be poisonous! Surely you don't think Country Mart would take poison off their shelves, when they can command 50 cents per small bottle for it!

Heh, heh! I'm sure I'll be all right! It's LUCKY Hand Sanitizer! Maybe I should switch it out with the cinnamon roll version, to carry in my GAMBLING PURSE!

I asked The Pony if he could use a small bottle. For his hooves, heh, heh! The Pony said he could.

"Mine boiled off from riding in the LLV (Long Life Vehicle) when it was so hot."

"Well, it's not a brand name that you'll recognize. It might possibly be poisonous. So don't lick your fingers after using it!"

"I don't plan to."

Farmer H will just have to be unsanitary...

Forecast: Bright And Sunny, Chance Of Leg-Pee

Sweet Gummi Mary! I wish I'd read the forecast for Thursday. I blame this oversight on my head pain from the double ear infection. I just was not thinking clearly. 

The Pony had the day off. I was still in my OPC (Old People Chair), having slept in fits and starts, when I heard his shower running at 9:30 a.m. I took my medicine, and went up to bed. At noon when I arose from my beauty sort-of sleep, The Pony was in the kitchen making pasta for his lunch. I had him bring me a banana to the table. No use over-exerting myself.

"Did you send the email to get a link to pay your post office money back?"

"Yes, Mother. Before I had a shower."

"Any response? Do you have the link?"

"Not yet."

"Did you check?"

"Yes, around 11:00."

"What about now?"

"It's NOT an automated response. Somebody has to read it."

I went about my morning routine. The Pony ate and rinsed out his dishes, then went back to his room. About 2:30, I asked again through his door if he had a response.

"Not yet."

"Okay. I'm getting in the shower, then going to town."

When I got back from town at 4:15, having NOT gone to the main post office, because I had didn't feel like driving very far, The Pony came out to the kitchen.

"Did you get a link yet?"

"No! But I DID get a SPAM email saying it's from Louis DeJoy, the Postmaster General! It's like a Nigerian money scam. It was in my spam folder. LOOK!"

I glanced at it, kind of dizzy, noting that it was, indeed a scam. 

"You STILL haven't heard anything? Did you send all the right information?"

"Yes, Mother. I sent what it asked for. My name and employee number and the amount to pay back."

"What did you put in the subject line?"

[I forget exactly what The Pony told me, but it was the right info to catch attention]

THEN I SAW IT! On the sidebar. The SENT email. With a time of 2:34.

"PONY! Why does this email say it was sent at 2:34? You told me you did it this morning!"

"Um. I THOUGHT I did it this morning? I know I had it ready. I thought I hit SEND. Sometimes my laptop won't send it if I don't have the right things open..."

"Oh, come on! You didn't send it until I left for town!"

"Nooooo... You left for town later than you think. Around 3:00."

"Then you didn't send it until I got in the shower!"

Shrug.

"I can't believe you let me keep worrying and asking if you heard back, when you hadn't even sent the email yet!!! Why couldn't you just say, 'I actually was just getting ready to send it.' Or 'I haven't sent it yet.' JUST SAY IT!"

"You're making this a bigger deal than it needs to be."

"You have 15 days to make the payment! You got the notice on Monday the 1st. You haven't got a link to pay yet. Tomorrow will be five days gone out of your 15!"

"No. Only four. I GOT it on Monday. So Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. Four. You don't count the day you get it."

"You SHOULD have done it when you were off on Tuesday. But you wanted to talk to your shop steward first. What if you don't get a link by Friday? Then you need to get a check in the mail, and HOPE that darn post office can deliver it by 15 days!" You know it won't go out until Monday morning. And there's the Veteran's Day holiday in there..."

"Mom. It's not a big deal."

I beg to differ. Don't pee on my leg and tell me that it's raining. I've seen Judge Judy.