A New Shaming Bracelet, Now With More Shaming

Genius was in town yesterday, the only time he could fit us in for Christmas. It's rough being a working man, not a college student or a teacher with a month or two weeks off for the holidays. I suppose he knows how Farmer H used to feel when we were all partying it up without him.

Remember back on May 24 when my Shaming Bracelet (Garmin Fit-Bit-Thingy) blew a gasket? When one of the two prongs broke off the fastener?

Yeah. I'd had it almost six months. Heh, heh! It probably had a six-month warranty! Not that I'm shaming Garmin. I was rough on that Shaming Bracelet. But I wore it faithfully, even with one prong. Well. Now Genius has bestowed a NEW Shaming Bracelet upon me!

Ain't he purty? He has a color option, and I chose green. It's my favorite. That screen shows my mileage for the day as 0.58. But not really. I had 0.71 on my old Shaming Bracelet before Genius disabled it. So technically, I should have credit for 1.29 miles at this point. My daily goal, though, is, I think, 1.5 miles.

Thing is, when Genius put in my goal on this new one, he set it as 7500 steps!!! Maybe that's his own. But mine should have been around 4000. So now, I'm getting EXTRA SHAMING! I have no hope of meeting my goal.

I sent Genius a text bemoaning my extra shaming, and he said not to worry too much about it, because when I'm only achieving 20% of my goal, the Shaming Bracelet will adjust itself to lower expectations. Still. I won't get credit for my casino walking when we take The Pony partway back to college.

That's a shame.

Apparently, We Are Not The Only Ones Who Miss The Pony

As mentioned yesterday, we are splitting up the 9-hour drive to get The Pony back to college by staying overnight halfway. Yes, I am helicoptering. Or, as The Pony puts it, Mother-Henning. Still, he fell asleep and totaled his car on the drive home that first year for Thanksgiving. So anything I can do to make his journey safer, I will!

Conveniently, the halfway point is a hotbed of casino action! And with casinos come comps, like free rooms! Having just been there for CasinoPalooza 3, Farmer H and I are anticipating renewed offers of such freebies, once our player's card records are updated for future mailings. We have been getting offers of free rooms for one of these casinos all year. In fact, Sis and the Ex-Mayor each had one, which they were using before the end of the year. With our trip coming in January, I've been looking for our latest comp offers in the mail.

Friday, I was happy to see one peeking out the gaping mouth of EmBee. I carried it back to T-Hoe, and was shocked to see that it was addressed not to me, not to Farmer H, but to THE PONY. In fact, it started out with, "Pony, we've missed you!" And inside, he had TWO offers for a free room! Let the record show that The Pony doesn't use his player's card, and only goes to that casino once a year, at CasinoPalooza time. Once I returned home, I told him.

"Hey! Pony! The casino HAS MISSED YOU! We were just there less than two weeks ago, and they are already MISSING YOU!"

"To be fair, that was probably printed and ready to mail before we were even there this time."

"Maybe. But the fact is, you have a free room! So if Dad and I don't get an offer, at least we can stay for free in YOUR ROOM!"

"Meh."

Thing is, I'm pretty sure Farmer H and I will also have that same free room offer, even if we don't get our mailers in time. I'll just call to reserve The Pony's room, and ask about ours, with our player's card numbers. Funny thing, how The Pony is 20 years old, and according to Genius, you have to be 21 to rent a hotel room, or a rental car, because during his time as head of the Solar Car team, Genius was the only one who was old enough to do those two things! Maybe it's different in Oklahoma, where the gambling age is 18 for slots, and 16 for bingo!

All I know for sure is that the casino has been missing The Pony!

Even Steven Sticks It To Mrs. HM Yet Again

Mrs. Hillbilly Mom plans, Even Steven laughs.

I should realize by now that nothing every falls into place as planned. The Pony has been home a good long time this year for the holidays, but he's chomping at the bit to return to his college apartment. He's not sugar-coating the reason why: he wants to get back and download the computer games he bought at up-to-80% discount with his Christmas money.

That's what a college kid should be able to do, right? Enjoy himself between semesters, before the daily grind starts again. The Mansion internet allotment cannot take such a hit for his gaming purposes. He even tried to use McDonald's wifi, but it was too slow. There's also the admission that one of his friends will be returning early as well.

The Pony had wished to be back by Thursday. We tried to dissuade him, to leave on Friday or Saturday, and make a mini CasinoPalooza with my sister the ex-mayor's wife. He agreed, but Sis was not available on those dates. So... we agreed to drive back on Wednesday, spend the night halfway, and The Pony could set out on his own Thursday morning, and get back to his apartment by noon.

Sounds so simple, right? But no. I needed to order some checks, because my supply is running out. I knew I didn't want them arriving while we're gone, even though they come in unmarked packaging. I specifically checked the boxes that led me to believe that the checks would arrive the following Monday. Well after we returned from our trip to see The Pony halfway back to college.

Oh, Even Steven! You're a sly one! Last night, I got a notification that my check order had shipped. Huh. That was pretty sudden, since they won't be arriving for another 10 days. Oh, wait! NOW they are supposed to get here on... you guessed it, the very day we are leaving to take The Pony halfway back to college and spend the night! How is that even possible?

So... I went into the shipping info, to try and set a new delivery date and time (at an ADDITIONAL FEE, mind you, to get it here LATER)... and there's no record that I have a package. How is THAT even possible, when they just notified me that my package had shipped, and I followed the link to track my package???

Why do I have a feeling this won't end well?

Sometimes, A Breakfast Buffet Is The Wise Choice

On the last day of CasinoPalooza 3, a Monday morning, the Hillbilly family plus Friend convened at the hotel restaurant for the breakfast buffet. It's pretty reasonable for an all-you-can-eat buffet in a casino, at about $10. Little did we know that Farmer H was going to turn traitor and ORDER OFF THE MENU!

We knew The Pony might pull such a stunt for the second day in a row. He liked the chocolate chip pancakes, and got a stack of 3 the first morning, then ordered 2 this time, seeing as how they were HUGE. Farmer H, though decided on the Senior Breakfast. We've had it before, when we didn't want to consume mass quantities of breakfast food, saving room for a nice dinner.

Farmer H wanted 2 eggs over easy, which you could get cooked to order at the buffet, and a sausage patty (also available at the buffet), and a piece of white bread toast. He also ordered hot tea, and an orange juice. So he didn't really save any money with his $4.99 Senior Breakfast (not that money was an issue, we were on a GAMBLING trip, for cryin' out loud!), since the tea was $2.25, and the orange juice $2.95. I guess that was just Farmer H's way of making what he thought was a wise choice (not that I've ever known him to do such a thing) and not get bogged down with too much food so early in the day.

Anyhoo...it turned out to be not-so-wise.

Genius, Friend, and I had the breakfast buffet. Here's my plate:

Yes, I could have limited myself to only one hash brown, and only one sausage link, and left off the muffin-top cookie. But it was CasinoPalooza 3, by cracky! Mrs. HM has to kick up her heels some time. Anyhoo...it could have been much worse. You don't know how much I envied Genius and Friend for their biscuits and gravy. It's Not-Heaven not to have the metabolism of a 24-year-old!

I show you my plate, not to laud myself on restraining my piggish tendencies (somewhat), but to point out that the breakfast buffet was actually the wisest choice that day!

Genius, Friend and I were completely finished, and Farmer H and The Pony did not have their food yet. In fact, the waitress came back and asked The Pony again how many pancakes he wanted! They hadn't even started cooking!

That waitress. We didn't have straws for our water and The Pony's Sprite until we asked when she checked on the pancake order. She also didn't bring Friend the requested hot sauce in a timely manner. Thank the Gummi Mary, a bottle was just sitting on an unused table, free for the taking. Genius said the coffee tasted burnt.

The waitress apologized for each infraction. "Bear with me! It's the first time they gave me a table. It's only my fourth day!"

After she was out of earshot, I added, "And it might be your last..."

Anyhoo...we waited for Farmer H and The Pony to finally get their food, and eat it. I'm pretty sure Farmer H gave her a decent tip on the credit card. It helps to be an attractive young lass when waiting on a table full of men plus Mrs. HM.

Get Your Handbaskets Loaded

On the day after Christmas, I stopped by Country Mart for a few items. SWEET GUMMI MARY! I suggest you get your handbaskets loaded, and I mean with supplies from somewhere other than Country Mart!

I don't always trust Country Mart. I've bought bad cheese there before. Not necessarily BAD cheese, but cheese with an expired date. It was for my grandma's Christmas basket many years ago. Thank the Gummi Mary, I caught it before gift-giving time, and took it back. I'm pretty sure the gal at the service desk called someone from the deli department up front to put it back on the shelf. I've also found expired mayonnaise there, and just shoved it farther back on the shelf and got a good one. I don't think these things happen entirely by accident at Country Mart.

Anyhoo...one of the items I was shopping for on December 26th was lettuce. Preferable romaine, but I'd take iceberg if necessary. Just something to make myself a side salad at supper. Well! I left that store without any lettuce.

Perhaps you heard about the romaine recall again. While we were in Norman, Oklahoma visiting The Pony for Thanksgiving, it happened. One moment the waitress took our order for Caesar salads, and the next moment she was back at the table, apologizing for no Caesars, due to a romaine recall. Since then, I'm pretty sure the recall was lifted. Because The Pony, Farmer H, and Friend all had Caesar salads at that steakhouse over CasinoPalooza 3 on December 15th. AND, I've bought bagged romaine at The Devil's Playground since then.

That's what I was looking for in Country Mart. However...there was nary a bagged lettuce to be found. Unless you count the shredded lettuce, like for tacos. It looked mushy in the bag, so I definitely didn't want that, even though at times I like my salad made with shredded lettuce. There were bags of spinach leaves and baby spinach leaves, but I'm not real fond of them, even though I had them in my salad on CasinoPalooza 3. It's just too much like eating LEAVES!

Here's where I sensed the coming Apopadopalyspe (trademark Farmer H). The store had a sign printed in large font, like maybe by an old person who doesn't know much about technology, that said due to the romaine recall, prices of lettuce had skyrocketed, so please bear with country mart, during the inconvenience, since they had done everything they could to obtain shipments of lettuce and keep prices down.

Huh. That said, the only lettuce in the produce department was heads of iceberg, with a DATE OF DECEMBER 21 on the plastic wrap! Yes, it looked kind of brown and wilty. NO WAY was I going to buy lettuce dated DECEMBER 21 on DECMBER 26! No siree, Bob! That's highway robbery.

Oh, and their corn on the cob was all dark and shrinky! Like it was actually feed corn for livestock, rather than people-corn! I didn't even check the date on that.

There oughta be a law! I'm shocked that the county health department hasn't been in there posting notices and releasing information to the local paper.

I guess they're tied up warning Santas that they'd been holding babies with whooping cough.

Like A Burr Under His Saddle

The Pony, when in his home paddock of the Mansion, is about as energetic as The Old Gray Mare. And we all know SHE ain't what she used to be. I try not to be a nag. I figure The Pony will get around to something when he's good and ready. He's just come off of finals week, you know. And had to get up at 5:00 a couple mornings, to study and walk to campus ahead of his apartment shuttle. Then he was whisked right into CasinoPalooza 3, unable to loll about the bed into the wee hours of the afternoon. So I figure he deserves some down time.

Let the record show that The Pony packed dirty clothes. He's been wearing what might be considered "laundry day" clothes. Not exactly up to my standards for being seen in public, but he has no problems with it. I guess he was down to some of his last clean gladrags on Friday. In fact, I sort of liked his shirt, a lime-green t-shirt, kind of pastel, with the name of a college organization on it.

Poor Pony. He's always had a hole in his chin. I warmed up his leftover rigatoni for lunch. Next thing I knew, The Pony was asking me how much laundry detergent I use. It wasn't a survey, of course. Nor research for a between-semester thesis. The Pony uses Tide Pods (he assured me that he didn't try eating them) for his laundry at college. Here, I use regular powdered Tide.

The sudden laundry fire under The Pony's haunches was lit by an errant rigatoni. He dropped one on his pastel lime-green college organization t-shirt. Right on the middle of the belly. Quite obvious. Can you believe he turned down my offer to open up a mini bottle of Diet Coke to start dissolving the stain? He DID! It's not like someone was going to see it. I swear it works. I couldn't just pull up a straw partially full of my magical elixir, because I'd already put my cherry limeade flavoring in it.

I explained how much Tide to use, and how to wet the stain with cold water, and rub a little paste of Tide into it and let sit for five minutes before washing. It works as good as SHOUT, just like Diet Coke works as good as a Tide Pen. I cautioned The Pony not to put that shirt in the dryer before I'd taken a look at it. Don't want to expose it to heat and set the stain!

Let the record show that The Pony dutifully brought the washed shirt down to my dark basement lair, where under the light is showed no remains of the stain.

If you want to spur The Pony into laundry action...just feed him some rigatoni.

The Feast Of Even Steven

Our Christmas dinner this year is going to be grilled by Farmer H on Gassy G. It was his idea. Of course, he's just grilling pork steaks for us, and a sirloin for The Pony. I'll be handling the roasted carrots/potatoes/onions under bacon, the stuffing (yeah, we're not stuffing anything, it's just Stove Top, requested by The Pony), the Sister Schubert's rolls (technically, corporate Sister Schubert is handling that), and the Oreo cake.

Yes, it's a limited menu. All that we need. All that we want. The more festive Christmas dinner will be on December 30th, when Genius can join us. I was going to make Farmer H his sugar-free chocolate pudding with sugar-free Cool Whip, but he has a pie. A blackberry cobbler, specifically, made by a lady who appreciated Santa's visit with her grandchildren. No need to make Farmer H the sugar-free dessert when he alone will be consuming an entire blackberry cobbler teeming with sugar.

I stopped by my sister the ex-mayor's wife's house on Christmas Eve afternoon, to take the prizes for the evening of games she had planned. The ex-mayor was taking a ham out of the oven. It smelled spectacular! They offered me some, but I declined. I also turned down a peanut butter cookie topped with a Hershey's kiss, that fell on the floor. Not that I'm above floor cookies, mind you, but to eat one would not have been a wise choice. I was saving up for the evening meal.

As I left, Ex-Mayor gave me a baggie filled with the ham ends.
"Here. Your dogs will like this."

I had a couple stops left to make. Each time, upon returning to T-Hoe, the smell of the ham ends tempted me to make a bad choice. Who would know, really, if I ate the ham ends, rather than giving them to the dogs? The dogs would never know what they missed. Even if they smelled it on my breath, I don't think they would be tattling.

Did I eat the ham ends? Of course not! There would be Even Steven to pay! Juno and Jack enjoyed them tremendously. Not Copper Jack. He got none. He got an old hush puppy from Captain D's left from Tuesday. He turned up his nose at it!

Beggars can't be choosers, you know. But they can at least appreciate what they get. I truly appreciated Sis offering me that floor cookie, and Ex-Mayor giving me the ham ends (for the dogs!), and Farmer H volunteering to grill Christmas dinner (part of it).