Making Pain Out Of Nothing At All

Old People Problems! Mrs. HM's body had betrayed her once again!

I left home Friday with two perfectly functioning shoulders, and returned with ONE! No, I didn't misplace a shoulder and leave it in town. I had both my shoulders. But only one was functioning. I cry shenanigans! I didn't DO ANYTHING to hurt my shoulder while in town. I didn't do anything to hurt it before I left, nor after I got back. But it wasn't working right!

Oh, I could move it in the same way I did before. But it caused incredible pain! Which has worsened in the four hours since I've been home. It's terrible! I use my shoulder a lot. A lot more than I ever imagined. That pain is a good reminder.

The pain is in the muscle, not the joint itself. It's in the front of the right shoulder, about four inches across the chest from my armpit. If I lift my arm straight up pointing to the sky, the front doesn't hurt much, but the pain goes to the back, to my shoulder blade. It hurts a lot if I use my right hand to push up from a chair, by holding onto the table. It hurts when I walk. It hurts even when I use my LEFT hand to hold onto a wall or counter to steady myself. That pain jumps right to my right shoulder/chest.

I do not know of one instant when I injured myself. I think it was a combination of three actions over the past 24 hours.

Thursday, when I came home from town, I carried several bags of groceries up the porch steps. Usually, I set the bags on the metal chair on the side porch, climb the steps, unlock the door, and come back for them. But this time, I didn't want to try and thread those plastic bags over my arm again. I had my purse, and a couple heavy bags that included 8 bananas, two bags of slaw mix, a giant box of Little Debbie Cosmic Brownies, a box of microwave popcorn, a can of corned beef, and a pack of fudge mint graham cracker cookies for Farmer H. Not heavy for a normal person, but heavy for old Mrs. HM all on one arm. Which I had to keep bent lest the bags slide off, and flapped like a chicken wing as I limped up the four steps.

Thursday evening, I descended to my dark basement lair to try the new printer cartridge to print the tax returns (it worked!). I think I held one step too far onto the board that runs along the carpet edge where it bends down into that rectangular stair hole from the living room. Which might have strained my right arm a bit while it was over my head.

Friday, I parked in a hole I didn't realize. Not an actual hole, but over a depression in the blacktop parking lot of Save A Lot. So when I went to hoist myself up onto T-Hoe's running board to climb inside, it was harder than usual. I needed more force on my right arm where I grabbed the plastic trim that runs from the dashboard up along the windshield. I think that was the last straw. Three strikes, and my shoulder/chest was out!

I have taken my nightly aspirin. It has done not much of anything for the pain. Which isn't too bad until I move the wrong way. Or try to stand up or walk or sit down. I asked The Pony to bring the fallen tube of BenGay from the spooky master bathroom. It expired in 2019, but it's worth a try.

At least my injury doesn't interfere with rumpus-wiping...

The Shasta Saga Continues...

Farmer H had proclaimed he would get my Shasta Diet Cola on Thursday. I made sure to tell him that Save A Lot opens at 8:00. That's when he goes to work on Pony House. But Farmer H told me:

"I might get it on my way home."

Indeed. For the first time in months, Farmer H came back to bed after his 6:30 wake-up and bathroom break. Of all the times to waste time! When my Shasta Diet Cola was awaiting a ride to the Mansion!

When I got ready to leave for town later in the afternoon, I called Farmer H to see if he'd gotten my Shasta Diet Cola yet. He had not.

 

"I'm going to stop by there on my way home, as soon as I finish caulking The Pony's shower."

So I didn't offer to go by and get it myself. Farmer H had it covered. Instead, I went in Country Mart to get bananas. They're better than the Save A Lot bananas.

Farmer H got home around 4:00. He carried in a 12 pack of Shasta Diet Cola, and set it on the floor at the end of the kitchen counter.

"Oh, good! I finally have my Shasta! Did you only bring in one?"

"What do you mean? I only BOUGHT one."

"WHAT? I told you to get two! I've told you that all along. How do you think I ended up with TWO 12 packs of Root Beer?"

"I don't remember you telling me to get two."

"You don't remember a lot of things."

"It's a good thing I looked at the soda when I got it out to the truck. It was 

DIET DR. PEPPER."

"You mean Diet Dr. Pop? That's the Shasta name for it."

"Yeah. That's what it was. So I had to go back in."

"You had to return it? And get the Diet Cola?"

"No. I kept it. I'll take it over to the house to drink it. But I went back in to get the Diet Cola. It was all mixed up. The cases of the different kinds were all together. I had to make sure to get the Diet Cola. It was up on the top shelf. They had Orange mixed in with it."

"THAT'S how I got the Root Beer by mistake! I was reaching up to the top shelf, and had to move some around because it was too tight in the cardboard. I bet they had Root Beer mixed in behind the Diet Cola in the same box, and that's how I got it."

"That's possible. It was all mixed together."

THEN the unthinkable happened. Farmer H wanted a Wild Turkey, and the only soda there to mix it with was my precious SHASTA DIET COLA! One of my 12 cans wasted on Farmer H!

Friday, I am going back to Save A Lot to get TWO boxes of Shasta Diet Cola. I will be scrutinizing the box before I go to the checkout.

The Elusive Shasta

When I was recovering from my Unfortunate HospitVALzation, I lost my tast for Diet Coke. The fountain 44 oz and otherwise. I was mixing Farmer H's Wild Turkey with Shasta Diet Cola. I had bought a 12 pack of it just before I got sick, for that very purpose. When it all didn't fit into his red Solo cup, I took a sip out of the can. IT IS DELICIOUS!

I have been craving Shasta Diet Cola. The original 12 pack is long gone. I bought some Best Choice Diet Cola when I was in Country Mart on one of my first trips to town after the sickness. I figured it would be about the same. IT IS NOT! There are two cans left, from the 24 I bought. So I've been on a quest for Shasta Diet Cola. I want about half a can with supper.

Of course I could not remember where I got it. I mistakenly thought Country Mart. But all I saw there last week was Best Choice. I didn't get any. 

On Wednesday, I went to Save A Lot. Shasta was on my list. I went up the aisle and found it. Of course it was hard to get into my cart. It's in big square boxes of 12, instead of the long rectangular boxes of 12 like most sodas. AND it was on the top shelf. Two boxes to a cardboard flat. Hard to get loose, up over my head. I had to move one flat over to get a grip, so I could poke out the flat part that leaves you a little handle. But I did it! I got two boxes.

I carried one box in the Mansion. After putting away my groceries, I went to get a can to put in FRIG II to chill for supper.

IT WAS SHASTA ROOT BEER!

I bought the wrong kind! To be fair, all the boxes have the same design. White, with a slight color variation in the pattern. And Root Beer must look amazingly similar to Diet Cola! I guess when I moved that top shelf flat around, I got into the Root Beer that was next to the Diet Cola.

I told Farmer H. He was planning a trip to the Devil's Playground anyway. I called and said to look for the Shasta Diet Cola. 

"Okay. In case they don't, you say Country Mart has it?"

"No. Save A Lot has it."

"Okay. I'm writing it down."

I got a text later.

"Country Mart is faxing out Shasta and going to best choice thats why you didn't find it or thats what the girl stocking shelves told me"

"I told you it's at SAVE A LOT! You never listen. You even said you wrote it down."

"I wrote down SHASTA."

Anyhoo... Farmer H was no more successful than I in procuring my new cheap elixir. So it's kind of hard to complain. But you know I will...

A GOOD Example Of Customer Service

Tuesday, I bought gas for T-Hoe, and some lottery tickets at the Sis-Town Casey's. I had a friendly cashier, who rang up my purchases just right. Quick and efficient. I forked over my money, thanked her, wished her a nice day as well, and headed back to T-Hoe to pump my $20 of gas that would fill 1/4 of his tank.

 

I was in the middle of the parking lot, halfway to T-Hoe, when I heard:

 

"MA'AM? MA'AM"

 

I turned around. Am I a MA'AM? I suppose so. It was my cashier, running after me.

 

"I'm so sorry! I forgot to hand you your PowerBall ticket!"

 

"Oh! I forgot I bought it! I only buy them when the Jackpot is high. Thank you so much for bringing it to me!"

Now THAT is customer service! She made a little mistake, and ran after me to make it right.

Wouldn't it be funny if that ticket wins something? Heh, heh. I never win anything on PowerBall. Not even $2. But the Jackpot for Wednesday night is $202 million. 

 

Can't win if you don't buy a ticket! Or if you leave it on the edge of the cash register...

A Picture You Don't Want To See

The Pony continues to take pictures along his route. I am deliberately not showing you the one we will be discussing today. In fact, I didn't even ask The Pony to send it to me. In fact, The Pony prefaced the reveal with the disclaimer, "I don't think you want to look at this pictures, but remember when I talked about..."

 

Now is your chance to look away. To click the BACK arrow. To put your cursor over the X, and close this tab before it's too late! I am about to move forward with the tale.

 

Here goes...

 

"Remember a couple weeks ago, when I was telling Dad about a yard I see when I do the Backroads route? The yard that apparently has a septic tank problem. It has a pipe coming up out of the ground, and other stuff comes out too. I told Dad that there's even TOILET PAPER scattered across the ground sometimes. Well... here's what I saw a couple days ago when I did that route again."

 

"WAIT! I don't want to see it! Just tell me, I guess."

 

"It was CORN!"

 

"Oh, yuck! I'm glad I didn't look!"

 

"Yeah. It was pretty bad."

 

"Yet you took a picture of it!!! I guess it's like they say about beer: you don't really BUY IT, you just RENT IT. And like Mr. S used to say at the lunch table every time we had corn: 'You don't really EAT CORN, you just RECYCLE IT.'"

 

"Yeah. I guess so."

 

There. Aren't you sorry you read to the end? 

 

But aren't you happy I didn't show the picture?

The Street With A Thirst For Carnage

On Saturday, I was over in Sis-Town to mail my first letter to Genius since I returned home from my Unfortunate HospitVALzation. I haven't been down to use New Delly in my dark basement lair. I was down there to print a copy of our tax return a few days ago, but the giant industrial printer Genius gave us, from a deal he got through the university when he was in college, ran out of ink in the yellow cartridge. That means it won't print! Not even on grayscale, with plenty of ink remaining in the blue, black, and magenta cartridges.

Anyhoo... I had handwritten a letter, and of course enclosed some scratchers. I also went to get a bit of gas for T-Hoe at the Sis-Town Casey's. I took the back way towards home. In involves the street where The Pony broke his ankle two months into his CCA (City Carrier Assistant) career with the USPS. On the right side of the street, in the block where the houses and the sidewalks end.

Anyhoo... I was tooling along in T-Hoe, noting the scene of The Pony's accident, listening to 70s classics on the radio. There's a soccer park along that street, on the left. I was going up a slight hill, approaching a sharp curve to the right. A woman and three little boys had just come around the curve. They were on the left, the soccer fields side. No interest to me. They were well out of my way. The boys were all the same size. Maybe 4 years old. The one in the lead had a little scooter. The kind that looks like a skateboard with a handle. He was pushing it along beside him, not riding it.

Something told me to KEEP AN EYE ON THOSE KIDS. Nothing out loud. Just a hunch. BE WARY. I can't explain it. I've had that kind of feeling before, late at night on the highway, where I always made a right turn onto a side road. I'd get over on the shoulder so as not to slow down traffic as I approached my turn. That one night, something told me not to do that. And when I got close enough to turn, I saw a car parked on the shoulder just before my turn-off. I would have slammed into the back of it by the time my lights illuminated it, and I realized it was there.

Anyhoo... I was only going about 20 miles per hour down this street, because I'd been looking at where The Pony broke his ankle. I kept my eye on those boys. My nerves were humming.

WHOOPSIE! 

 

The boy lost his hold on the scooter! The scooter rolled along, picking up speed, and veered into my lane! It was headed straight for T-Hoe! I put on the brakes. Came to a complete stop, and waited for the impact. A little scooter wouldn't hurt T-Hoe.

The little boy started running after the scooter! The lady hollered at him to STOP, panic on her face as she chased after him. The boy turned and ran back to his side of the road, but the lady kept running and caught the scooter before it hit T-Hoe. She pushed it back to the boys, who were standing still on the side of the road, the scooter boy crying. The lady pushed the scooter back, and briefly scolded the crier for running into the road. She held onto the scooter. They continued down the hill. I moved T-Hoe forward again. I smiled and waved at the lady.

You can never be too careful around little kids near a street.

It's Almost As If Someone Is Trying To Send A Message

Yet AGAIN, I awakened in the early morning hours to see that on the TV screen was a symbol I hold dear: The LADYBUG!

 

Friday night, I had been watching Man v. Food when I fell asleep shortly after 1:00 a.m. But when I woke up, the show had changed to The Big Bake. I think it was an old episode, since I was watching on the Cooking Channel, which shows reruns of most cooking shows that start on the Food Network.

 

Anyhoo... I grabbed my phone and tried to get a picture of the giant cake, which was a girl in a raincoat with a LADYBUG umbrella, and small ladybugs on the ground, which were cupcakes for the judges to eat.

That's the best picture I could get of the whole giant cake.

 

It was the umbrella that first caught my eye.

 

Then I saw those cute, cute ladybug cupcakes.

 

The judges got a taste, but I don't remember the flavors. They loved it, though. 

 

Don't mind our old VCR, and the bases of the boys' bowling trophies on top of the TV stand!

 

There's the actual cake that they had to slice to also serve the judges. I don't remember what they said about it. About all I remember is that the ladybug team didn't win.

Surely the TV programming has run out of ladybug cakes to show me...