What Evil Lurks In The Cold, Cold Heart Of HM? The OnStar Knows

I am a bit discombobulated after receiving an e-mail from OnStar.

I know OnStar is there to help me when I run off the road and I'm hanging upside down by T-Hoe's seatbelt after swerving to avoid a deer. Speaking of deer, we saw four on the way to town this morning. Three bucks and a doe. An odd family, that one. A reverse harem. Anyhoo...OnStar can unlock my vehicle if I can find a number to call them and if I have my phone in my hand when I lock myself out of my car. I can purchase hands-free calling minutes and talk by pushing a button on the dash if I want to be perceived as a loony by the drivers of passing cars who see me all alone, talking. OnStar can call me to chat if they have an issue. I wonder if they try to collect that way when people don't renew their OnStar subscription. I doubt it. They probably just take it automatically from the credit card. That's why I refuse to pay my OnStar fee with a credit card. It can be done by check, but OnStar frowns upon it, and makes it difficult by forcing one to pay for a whole year, not month by month. Now where was I...

We're not here to discuss the relative merits of OnStar, nor my stellar bill-paying record. Nope. We're here to inform the masses that OnStar is now in the stalking business. It's true! Of course, the e-mail acts like OnStar is doing me a favor. Giving me added peace of mind when my loved ones are behind the wheel. Here's what I can do:

*View my vehicle's location online by logging on to the Family Link site
*Get automatic location alerts by setting up e-mail notifications
*Schedule text message alerts to be sent to my mobile device.

For a fee of $3.99 per month, of course. Or $47.88 per year. OnStar is not all that altruistic.

So...it seems to me that whether I pay for this Stalker Service or not, OnStar still has those capabilities. And my full legal name from their billing records. Wherever I go, OnStar knows I'm there.

Creepy.

Not that I have anything to hide.