OH NO! This Has Gone HORRIBLY Wrong!!! (Part 1)

On my way to pick up The Pony on Monday, for Pepper's collar training, I was quite dismayed to see Pepper running along behind T-Hoe. He usually goes halfway up the driveway with me, running in the grass where I can see him. That has only been going on for about two weeks. I honk the horn, or put down the window and say "PEPPER! NO!" Then Pepper stops.

This time, Pepper continued. No amount of stopping or NO-ing had an affect. In fact, Pepper gave me a look like, "What are you going to do about it?" Something I didn't want to see, but normal for an animal to try and figure out limits. I told The Pony this tale, and said, "I know this is wrong, but a part of me will not be upset for Pepper to get a little shock. He was being so INSOLENT! He needs to learn the consequences."

Indeed, the Halo 5 Collar could not have arrived at a better time. Farmer H said that a few days ago, he was over in the BARn field, and he saw Pepper chase a UPS truck along the gravel road. Farmer H hollered at him, and when he came back, Farmer H held him by the collar, and "whipped his butt." Just with a hand, of course, a couple swats on the hip.

"He didn't like that at all! He tried to run away, and pulled too hard against the collar, and started coughing and choking.

"He doesn't know what he did wrong! Because got his whoopin' when he CAME BACK. He probably doesn't associate it with chasing the truck."

 "It's a good thing The Pony's getting the new collar ready, because we can't have him chasing cars."

AND when Farmer H and HOS left here on Sunday evening, after dropping off some stuff at the Freight Container Garage, Pepper chased them down the road, almost to the mailboxes. That's a mile!

"He wouldn't go back when we hollered at him. Usually he won't go no farther than the neighbor at the top of the hill. We finally got out and threw rocks at him, and he started back."

Obviously, this was the right time to get Pepper trained, since his roaming behavior was escalating. The Pony watched the training videos. Showed Farmer H right here in the kitchen. They went out with the collar and a baggie of cut-up hot dogs for treats. They were gone about 45 minutes, walking Pepper around the front yard/field and adjacent 10 acres. Showing the boundaries along the front and sides. Pepper got the warning sound when close. Then a small shock. Then the Level 6 (out of 15) shock when he kept going and wouldn't turn back.

"He twitched when it hit him. Let out a yelp. Then laid down and pawed at the collar with his front paws. He didn't like that much. He definitely felt it."

That shocking episode happened when they let Pepper off the leash, and came back for the lawnmower. Farmer H rode it along the BARn field, to see if Pepper would chase. He wasn't chasing, but ran across the road to the hill neighbor's field. That's when he got zapped, and came back.

None of us expected Pepper to be completely trained by this single session. He would have to learn some on his own, while unsupervised. And Farmer H could work with him some more in the evenings. He and The Pony said they thought Pepper was associating the hot dog treat with getting shocked, because toward the end, he wouldn't eat them.

Around 4:50, Farmer H left in SilverRedO to take The Pony home. They were curious if Pepper would try to chase them. I went on about my business. At 5:00, I was in the bathroom, and heard the kitchen door open. That couldn't be good! They should have been in town by then.

It was worse than I expected...

The Training Shall Commence!

The Pony has the Halo 5 Collar ready for Pepper. Farmer H plans to start training on Monday evening. Sunday night, The Pony sent a text:

"OOF! That collar packs a punch. A 6 on the 1-15 scale makes my hand twitch, and an 8 did it down to my elbow. Right now I'm setting it to a loud beep (so we can tell when it goes off). They have a silent dog whistle setting that might work, too.

It'll go BEEP, to a 3 (minor shock), to a 6 as the "out of bounds" one. I'm not sure I'm comfortable going higher than a 6 on a dog Pepper's size."

Also, The Pony sent Farmer H an aerial picture of the zone. It's a view of our acreage and house and BARn and Freight Container Garage. We couldn't see for sure where the creek runs in the back, because of the trees in the satellite view. The Pony thinks the boundary is set about a half-acre across the creek. We just own a little strip of land across the creek, but it's all woods, nothing on it from the neighbors back there. 

Farmer H swears that he has the leash.

"It's on the pet carrier sitting out on the sidewalk where I park my truck."

"You think?"

"That's where I left it after the vet for the operation."

"Out in the weather? Couldn't you hang it on a nail in the garage?"

"It's fine, HM."

"If it's still there! You know how Pepper likes to chew on things..."

"Well, it's there if he ain't drug it off."

I guess I need to check and see if the leash is there, before I pick up The Pony on Monday. We're stopping by the Devil's Playground for a better charging cord for the collar. Might as well pick up another leash while we're there.

Oh, NO! Another Final Notice!

Is there really any money in this scam? How do the Final Notice senders make a buck? Their envelope might fool some people into thinking it's an official notice.

So they open it in a panic. Or out of curiosity, like I did. Since we have no loans to be finally notified about, I do not feel the urge to call about this urgent matter regarding our property.

The letter itself might lead people to think they are in danger of losing their property, rather than just on the hook for repairs. I even had to ask Farmer H: "What in the Not-Heaven is a Home Warranty?" He said it's like a policy for repairs, in case something goes wrong. I could imagine this for a vehicle. I am not familiar with such a thing for homes. I guess that's because we didn't get a loan to buy a house.

I've cropped the first paragraph, because it listed our specific address.

I suppose this no-name company (oh, wait, there's an actual "business" name in the tiny print of the last sentence) can make money from people calling, then fast-talking them into buying "coverage" for their appliances. 

It doesn't seem like an efficient scam to me.

The Healing Has Begun

Friday evening, I took the gauze pad bandage off my hole-y forearm. Not because I thought the wound was ready to let out, but because my arm was itching terribly. Not the healing wound, but the area along the top border where the tape held the bandage. I did NOT want a repeat of the bandaid itch-itis! I thought this tape would be fine. And so far, it was only one of the four sides that was itching.

I was careful not to stretch the skin and re-open the wound. I cut along the gauze on three sides, then pulled it back, and watched to make sure the tape removal did not stretch the hole area. What I discovered was that simply peeling off the tape left mini holes in my papery thin old lady skin!

Still, the bandage was off. The wound could breathe.

It didn't look too bad. Still an oozy place that hadn't covered over. It had not stuck to the gauze, which was basically dry, with only a tiny trace of blood on the underside.

I was careful not to bump the arm, or let any clothing get caught on it. Left it open overnight. Postponed my shower on Saturday morning, due to not wanting to disturb that wound or get it wet. It looked pretty good to me on Saturday afternoon.

Starting to close up. The area around it looks like it has taken a beating, but that's just a little bruising, most of which was there before, from grocery bags. Is it just me, or does the healing hole look like grape jelly?

Anyhoo... I left it uncovered for town. I don't like subjecting people to such a gory sight, but they have no business scrutinizing my body anyway!

Preparing For Pepper's Basic Training

I haven't talked to The Pony yet to see how it's going, setting up the Halo 5 Collar to keep Pepper GPS-ically on our property. I told Farmer H that I was worried about getting the right coordinates for the 10 acres next to the BARn field. It has no address. Just the street name. Farmer H says it will show up on the satellite view. That the landmarks will be visible, like where our little cedar forest ends, and where he stops mowing. The back border is basically the creek, so hopefully it won't be blocked by leafy trees.

We will have to find the leashes that Farmer H keeps proclaiming that he had. I know I bought a new one when I got Pepper's regular collar. I don't know where Farmer H put it. He declared that he already had a leash for taking Pepper to the vet for his operation. 

I swear, Farmer H loses leashes like the boys used to lose school scissors and rulers. Every year, they would bring their stuff home on the last day of elementary school, but then it would be gone when time to start again in the fall. I told Genius that he must have a stash of them under the floorboards of his bedroom. Like "The Telltale Heart." Which he actually used later during his high school years. Not the missing scissors and ruler, but the theme of "The Telltale Heart," for his PEEPS diorama that was an assignment for English class.

Anyhoo... The Pony and I need to give Farmer H a stern talking-to about training Pepper. None of his verbose lectures. Just short commands. No elaboration. No shaming. It's really hard for Farmer H to control his overactive mouth.

Farmer H is busy on the weekend, with his SUS2.5, and making two trips to the city to get cheap rich people cabinets from a remodel. Monday would be the likely day to start training, but it's supposed to rain Monday and Tuesday right now.

We need to get this show on the road. I hope Pepper has been staying home at night. I hear him barking out front. Wouldn't it be rich if I caught the neighbor dogs over here making OUR dog bark? I doubt that it's them. More likely a possum or armadillo.

I'm Starting To Think A Bribe Would Have Been More Efficient

We have been looking for a fenceless system to keep our dog Pepper at home. He really doesn't travel far or often. But since the across-the-road neighbor complained that Pepper comes over at night and makes his penned dogs bark (as if they never bark otherwise), we are trying to contain Pepper on our property. Which is 20 contiguous acres. That's plenty of room for a dog to be a dog.

Genius said he still has contacts at his previous company (who sold his division to another company) who can get the 40% employee discount on their products. Unfortunately, they don't have a fenceless system. Only three kinds of collars for tracking and training hunting dogs. 

I looked at a variety of products. One was over $1200! And still, it had complaints like it would sometimes shock the dog if it went under a carport roof. Nope! Not our Pepper. The Pony had also looked at a lot of products. The one we kept coming back to was the Halo 5 Collar.

It is not cheap! I think it was $575, but on sale for $75 off. And it has a subscription fee, for $9.99 a month, but we got the next higher level, which I think was $14.99 a month. Of course I also got a protection plan, because it's a DOG COLLAR, by cracky! And dogs lose collars, or they get chewed on by another dog. So this can get a replacement for way cheaper than a new one, or upgrade if a newer version is released. Anyhoo... by the time all these charges added up, we're in for about $700-$800.

I told Farmer H: "We'd probably have been just as well off to take $1000 cash across the road, and say, 'This is for the annoyance of having Pepper come to your house. Maybe this will make it a little easier to deal with.' I bet they would take it, and never say another word. But we'll give this collar a try, and hope it works."

"Yeah. They might have took it. We're already up to $500 for the vet and surgery. But I'm not tying up my dog. I kind of like little Pepper. It's not hurting us. We can afford it."

The Halo 5 Collar works on GPS coordinates. The main thingy is stored in the collar itself. So even if the wi-fi goes down, it will still work. It's designed for areas 3/4 of an acre or bigger. It's endorsed by the Dog Whisperer, Cesar Milan. Supposedly, with proper training, and the warning features, the dog might never even get a shock.

I told Farmer H: "I'm betting that Pepper will feel a shock!"

"Yeah. Me too. But he's been minding me pretty well now. And he comes when I call him."

"He doesn't bother the groceries on the chair. All I have to do is say, 'Pepper! NO!' and he walks away from the chair."

"Yeah. He's not stupid. He's growing up, and his operation helped."

The collar was delivered on Thursday. I'm taking it to The Pony, to see if he can get the coordinates set up while using faster internet in town. It will probably be Monday before Farmer H and The Pony can start training Pepper.

I've Been Burned (Gouged) By The (Fake) Fire(place)

Today I take a break from plagiarizing Ed Sheeran lyrics, and move on to Tom Petty for my title. It's a line from "Insider." [at 1:40 in this 5:26 YouTube duet with Stevie Nicks]

If you are the squeamish sort, you might not want to continue. I've put the gory pictures in reverse order, so as not to traumatize people with the thumbnail. I can't be settling personal injury lawsuits from the fainters, because I might be dealing with lawsuits from the music theft!

Anyhoo... a terrible tragedy befell me on Tuesday morning. I was getting up from my OPC (Old People Chair) to pull up the shorts that go with my leg pumps. In lifting my left arm, I hit the corner of the fake electric fireplace that's on the wall next to the OPC. A normal person could take a beatin' and keep on reachin', but I have thin, papery old lady skin, as The Pony says.

The corner of the fireplace ripped a triangle-shaped piece of skin loose. I knew it was going to bleed like an open fire hydrant. Good thing I have that cardboard box of supplies on the table next to the OPC, because no way could I hurry out of the carpeted living room with those heavy canvas shorts around my ankles, and seven assorted hoses strewn in my path. I could at least grab a piece of paper towel from my emergency stash.

There I stood, pressing the wound, pondering my next move. I sat down, kept my arm flat, and grabbed the box with my right hand. Of course I had everything in there but the kitchen sink, and bandaids. I had some non-stick flat gauze squares, though. And scissors. And tape. So I cut a gauze square in half, and tore off two strips of clear tape. I managed a makeshift bandage. It held up pretty well.

The injury happened around 10:15. As I readied myself for town at 2:30, I noticed that blood had started to seep through the gauze. It wasn't wet. There's a barrier. So I went on to town, rather than take time to re-bandage. 

Here's what it was like when I got home:

A bit misleading to pose it over my cutting board, but I was making Farmer H's supper at the time of the photos and the changing of the bandage. It's about to get gory. This is your warning to step away!

I took the bandage off by the wastebasket. Taking off the two tape pieces pulled my fragile skin. Blood started flowing again, even though this was now 4:00, and six hours after the injury. Lucky for me the paper towel holder was right there, so I got it blotted over and over, as I went to the living room to show Farmer H. Who of course had a large bandaid on HIS left arm, in the same place! Said he knocked it into a stack of 2x4s at Lowe's. But mine was more dramatic, I declared!

You can see the triangle of gouged skin. I know it won't be growing back. But I can't trim it off right now. Only press it back down with a new bandage. The pinkness around it is from the wiped-off blood, not inflammation. I'll stick with my bandages and clear tape, because I don't want to use one of Farmer H's big bandaids and find out I'm allergic to the adhesive.

I plan to leave my current bandage on a day or two, unless it seeps through too much. To allow the wound to start healing, and not bleed every time the skin is stretched taking off the tape. For showering, I plan to cut the top and bottom off a sandwich baggie, and slip that over my bandage. The tape to hold it on should be far enough away from the wound so that taking it off won't stretch the injured area.

Oh, and don't worry about Farmer H's supper. It was just corn dogs. They were in the oven when I unbandaged and got everything cleaned up again. I didn't have to touch his food, just take the pan out of the oven when they were done. Cutting board got washed with the dishes.