Farmer H Feeds Some Pig To Speckled Pepper

Sweet Gummi Mary! I don't know what Farmer H was thinking! Yesterday was Glazed Ham for lunch at the Senior Center. I suppose they gave extra to Farmer H. He IS their pet, you know. And he didn't buy an extra dinner to bring home.

When I got back from town, there was a styrofoam container lying open on the side porch. It wasn't chewed up or anything. Then Jack came around from the front porch, looking quite portly. I recall Farmer H saying he was dragging a deer leg around the front porch, so I attributed his girth to snacking on spoiled wildlife appendages.

Anyhoo... the truth came to light later in the evening. I was concerned about Pepper having enough food. He'd been kind of wild that afternoon, trying to get in the laundry room door. His food pan was empty. I thought maybe he was hungry, and knows his food comes out that door.

"He has plenty of food. I fed him already. And earlier, he had some ham I brought home. Jack had two pieces, and Pepper had one."

"You gave Pepper some HAM? I don't know if that's good for a puppy. He just learned how to eat solid food."

"He was fine. He really liked it."

Flash forward to this morning at 6:00 a.m. I was sitting on the short couch, with Pepper snuggled next to me, chewing on his blue towel while I petted him. Pepper grew restless. He stood up. But instead of looking over the side of the couch, or across at Farmer H... he stood looking at the back of the couch, and started HEAVING!

"Oh, no. Something is wrong with Pepper. He looks like he might throw up!"

"He's fine." Said Farmer H, watching Pepper's little body convulse and shake as he opened his mouth. Farmer H jumped up and grabbed Pepper with both hands and ran to the laundry room. "Here, let's go back outside!"

I heard the door open and close. It took a few minutes for Farmer H to return.

"Is Pepper okay? Did he get sick?"

"No. He didn't get sick. I was picking up the stuffing from that toy. Don't get him any more stuffed toys. It's all over the place." Said the man who had left a paper plate of moist food in Pepper's enclosure, which has been chewed to bits, with pieces in front of the laundry room door.

"It was a pet toy. I didn't think it would be that easy for a pup to destroy it!"

So not only did Pepper have a slice of ham, he might have eaten parts of a stuffed pig!

Pepper DID enjoy biting that pig. But I never thought he'd rip it apart.

No wonder the little guy's tummy was upset! I will make sure to get the next toy made of hard plastic or rubber. Pepper does not need to be full of stuffing. And Farmer H needs to quit giving Pepper people food until he's a little older.

The Pickling Of Mrs. HM

I found a new snack on the shelves of 10Box last Saturday. Of course I bought a bag to try. I offered to share with The Pony, who was not at all adventurous, took a single bite, and declared it a no. Too bad, so sad! That meant more for ME!

It's a new snack made by Pringles. That's why I was at that aisle anyway, getting Sour Cream and Onion Pringles for The Pony's snack while helping me install TurboTax on my new two-Christmases-ago laptop. These are called MINGLES. I suppose because it's two flavors in one. These are Dill Pickle and Ranch.

They are shaped differently, but the same consistency of those Vlasic Pickle Balls that I had a while back. The same consistency of Planter's Cheese Balls. Very airy.

I like the Mingles because a serving is 37 pieces (as seen above) for 150 calories. They go well with a Shasta Zero Sugar Cola. In fact, because of their bow-tie shape, I bite them in half. So that's like having 74 pieces, heh, heh! 

I have a gripe about false advertising again! The back says there are "about 6" servings per bag. After meticulously counting them out for the past five days, I discovered that this bag only had five servings, and nine pieces left. That's 5 and 1/4 servings. Liars!

Anyhoo... the Mingles also come in Cheddar Sour Cream flavor, and White Cheddar and Ranch. I was in 10Box again, and got myself another Dill Pickle and Ranch, along with the Cheddar Sour Cream, and two bags of the White Cheddar and Ranch. The Pony is getting one of those, since the White Cheddar and Ranch sounded appetizing.

While checking out, the checker said, "Oh. YOU are the one buying these!" As if I am the only person depleting their stash! It had been 5 days! I was just getting more to have on hand.

"Yes. I've only had the pickle version, and it's a little too much Ranch and not enough Pickle. But they're pretty good. I figured I'd try the other flavors, too."

"Yeah, they're a little heavy on the Ranch. [So obviously, SHE had tried them, too!] You know, we used to have those Pickle Balls..."

"I know! I really liked them. I came back for more, but they were all gone!"

"Anything in a bin will disappear. It's just a one-time thing."

"That's why I'm stocking up on these! So I have some on hand if they're discontinued."

I have to finish my Pickle version before I open another bag. I'm leaning towards the Cheddar and Sour Cream.

I Crowed Because I Won $75, And Then I Met A Woman Who...

Monday had temps in the 40s, but the wind was gusting to 39 mph, and I didn't like the thought of the windchill. Have I mentioned that I'm always cold? And that I hate wind?

Anyhoo... I decided to stay home, and called Farmer H to ask if he'd bring me some scratchers. Specifically, some $5 crosswords, and some $3 crosswords. He did good! 

I won $6 and $12 on the little crosswords, and my last big crossword won $75!

I was really happy, because lately I haven't been getting many winners, and if they are, it's only the ticket value, or maybe double. I can't really complain, because my casino luck was good. 

Anyhoo... there's a checker at 10Box who always asks me if I've been doing any good with the scratchers. So I was happy on Tuesday to inform her: 

"I won $75 on a $5 crossword yesterday!"

"That's great. I won $1000."

"WHAT??? Which kind of ticket?"

"That newest $20 ticket. The 40th anniversary ticket. Out of the right machine."

"Congratulations! I'll be sure not to buy that ticket here, heh, heh!"

I was really happy for her. I don't play that $20 ticket, but The Pony does every now and then. This gal doesn't play the crosswords. So our wins can coexist without jealousy.

So sad that I had to rely on FARMER H to get a decent winner...

Sweet Snoozing Pepper

The Pony was here on Sunday to download my TurboTax on the new computer he got me a couple Christmases ago. It has Windows 11, which I've been avoiding. HIPPIE runs Windows10, which is no longer an option to use for this year's TurboTax. I swear, they're in cahoots with Microsoft!

Anyhoo... we brought Pepper in the house to be near us while we were computing and visiting. Pepper is not allowed the run of the Mansion. No siree, Bob! The Mansion is not puppy-proof. Pepper escaped one morning while Farmer H was putting him back on the porch. He had neglected to close the laundry room door. Pepper was roaming the kitchen, looking at himself in the oven door reflection. At least he didn't get to the basement steps. I would not have been able to get up fast enough to stop him.

Anyhoo... we had Pepper in the big box Farmer H used when bringing him home in SilverRedO. Pepper is getting almost too big to be contained by the box. He has learned that jumping against the side will tip it over. Also, he finds it particularly tasty.

We wrassled around a bit to wear Pepper out. Played tug-o-war with his blue towel. The Pony used Pepper's pink squeaky pig to distract him from tipping over the box. After about an hour of such play, Pepper grew drowsy. He was like a toddler fighting off a nap.

Just before his eyes closed for the nap. Looks like Pink Squeaky Pig was also tired out, lying face down with his ears drooping. Pepper slept on and off for an hour. He'd raise his head or sit up when one of us moved. Followed the sounds of us leaving the kitchen for the bathroom. He'd try to rally and play-bite if petted.

The Pony would hum a lullaby for Pepper. This was a magical sleep aid! He'd go right back to snoozing. Once he woke, refreshed, we played for about another hour. We had just put Pepper back into his porch pen when Farmer H came home.

Not that he would have cared. Farmer H seems to be allowing Pepper many privileges not afforded to my little Jack.

Such Deceptive Advertising

Sunday was spent with The Pony, downloading TurboTax on my new laptop, and just hanging out. We ate frozen Chinese dinners for lunch. I didn't really want to cook by the time Farmer H came home from his SUS2.5, so I'd told him in advance he was getting a frozen Hungry Man dinner. I asked what kind he wanted. He said Salisbury Steak, or Meat Loaf.

The selection in Country Mart did not include a Salisbury Steak. But it DID have a Grilled Beef Patty, which looked better than the Meat Loaf. They had the same side dishes. So I took the Grilled Beef Patty dinner, because that was the first kind Farmer H mentioned. 

I took out the box to read the directions. It could be microwaved or put in the oven. I figured that it was easier to put it in the oven while Farmer H was driving The Pony home. It would be done right as he returned.

It looked like just what Farmer H wanted. Hamburgers in gravy, with mashed potatoes, and mixed vegetables. He had even seen the box, and according to The Pony, who showed it to him, he said, "Yum."

Well. Little did he know what was inside. I almost felt sorry for him!

Where's the BEEF? Those are the tiniest patties I have ever seen! They are the size of breakfast sausage patties! Nowhere near the depiction on the package! I don't think the brand Hungry Man is supposed to mean the man will still be HUNGRY after eating it! 

At least there was a plentiful amount of the mixed vegetables. And mashed potatoes. Farmer H said the patties were pretty thick. So there's that. He also said it tasted good. 

I did not ask if he would choose this meal again.

The Universe Smites The Pony

Alas, poor Pony! The Universe has leveled a severe blow. It happened on Thursday, our casino day. I checked my phone around 5:30 a.m., waiting for Farmer H to come out at his regular time and bring Pepper in to play. 

Huh. There was an email. From The Pony! That was unusual.

"Well. As of now, my phone appears to be completely dead. I'm not sure if it'll even ring, but right now it doesn't even open. I'll try to be there on time."

At 6:00, I called The Pony. I had intended to do so, as a wakeup call. The Pony answered, surprised that the phone rang. Still. It was NOT miraculously fixed.

Yeah. That's not normal. While I DO like the color, heh, heh, I wouldn't want that to be MY phone screen. You can't get into anything. Can't send or receive texts. Can't call out. Can't set alarms. Thankfully, it will ring and let The Pony answer.

We still have The Pony's phone on our account, for the unlimited internet. The Pony pays us every month. This phone is still not paid for from when it was bought last year. It's a monthly payment, not an outright purchase. Luckily, Farmer H and The Pony have a protection plan. They are hard on phones.

Anyhoo... The Pony was planning to take the phone to the T-Mobile store over in Bill-Paying Town, to see where to take it for fixing. But upon searching about it on the laptop, discovered that now they usually give a replacement phone (refurbished) for $99, rather than fixing them on site. Last time Hick and The Pony had to take the broken phone to a St. Louis facility for fixing.

Anyhoo... the plan was for The Pony to file the claim online for the damage [it fell in the sink a couple weeks ago but was fine until now] and the replacement. Except that the account needed a one-step verification to get in (which had been set that way by The Pony) consisting of a code number sent by text. Which The Pony can't receive on the broken phone! It's set specific to the phone number. So doing it on mine or Farmer H's wouldn't work. No wonder The Pony had a migraine on Friday.

But wait! On Saturday morning at 5:33, I got a text. From The Pony!!! 

"Holy sh!t I woke up after an alarm went off and the screen worked just long enough to connect it to my computer so I can get the texts and everything. Literally the second I got it linked the screen glitched out again. It already stopped working again but I can get one time passwords and everything from it now on my computer. My heart is pounding from the rush to set that up."

Anyhoo... The Pony got the claim filed. Paid the deductible and the tax. It was approved automatically, and now The Pony has a shipping number to track it with UPS. The "new" phone is expected on Monday or Tuesday.

It seems like The Universe had a change of heart.

More Not Listening, And Incriminating Embellishment

On Friday, I picked up a few items at the store, and got home just before Farmer H arrived. Meaning I had to carry in the frozen stuff by myself. I was expecting him to get there at the same time, from our phone conversation. Turns out he forgot to pick up his medicine, and had to go back to the pharmacy. 

Anyhoo... I was standing around the kitchen, waiting on him, to see how soon he wanted supper. He takes Pepper outside for a while when he gets home. I either want to have some time with my scratchers, or get his supper over with first so I don't have to stop.

"Do you want a drink first, or just supper?"

"I'm taking the little dog out."

"That's not the question. I was going to get it ready before I change clothes. Do you want a drink first, or just supper?"

"Supper is fine. I can just microwave it when I'm ready. I have to go to the bathroom!"

Off he went, to the master bathroom. I waited. And waited. Until finally Farmer H returned to the kitchen.

"So do you want a drink first, or just supper?"

"I told you, I'm taking out the little dog!"

"I know that! That's not the question! You always take Pepper out when you get home. I'm trying to find out when I should put your sausages in the oven. If you want it when you come in, or if you're having a drink first and I can scratch some tickets."

"I'm taking out the dog!"

"THAT'S NOT THE QUESTION! Look at me! Do you want supper or a drink?"

"A drink! I'll have a drink!"

"You just said supper before you ran to the bathroom! I'm trying to figure out how much time I have before starting it!"

"I want a drink. And supper! I can have a drink with supper!"

"Fine! I'll put it in the oven before I change, and I'll pour the drink for you to add soda."

Why should a simple question be so hard? You notice that it's to his benefit to answer. I'm doing something for HIM. I only want to know how to budget my time. I put his sausages in the oven at 250, figuring he'd be outside for a while with Pepper and Jack. I poured his Wild Turkey and added some ice, with it sitting on the cutting block so he could add the soda.

I went to get my other clothes, and change in the boys' bathroom. I was still in there when I heard Farmer H return. That was quick. I heard the pop of the soda can opening. I figured he was getting his drink and going to sit in the recliner until supper was ready. I came out of the bathroom to see nobody in the recliner.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting my buns."

"Your food isn't warm yet! It's on a low temperature. You were only out there 10 minutes!"

"Well, Pepper seemed like he enjoyed it, and was ready to come in."

"Your buns will get stale."

"They're fine. I imagine the sausages are warm enough. I can smell them."

Farmer H was closing up the package of buns. Dipping his hand into a big bag of Ruffles potato chips.

"Did you even wash your hands? I don't think so. And you just carried the dog back in."

"I washed them!"

"When?"

"Just now. When I came back. In my bathroom."

"You did not! No way did you walk all the way into the bathroom to wash your hands. And there's no paper towel here from you washing them at the sink."

"Whatever..."

Yeah. No way. I did not hear Farmer H walking to the other bathroom. I just heard the kitchen door, and the laundry room door. Then the soda opening. And came out and caught him with the buns. I might have believed him if he said he washed them at the kitchen sink, and dried his hands on his pants. But he didn't plan ahead with a logical lie.

That's how to catch a liar. Too much embellishment upon interrogation.