Farmer H Marches (And Lies) To His Own Drum

Wednesday evening, we watched Big Brother as usual. It was 90 minutes this time, though usually an hour. Farmer H was in his recliner, wearing only tighty-whities after a soak in the big jetted triangle tub in the master bathroom. I was in my Mansion-wear, reclined in my OPC (Old People Chair).

We had just gotten to the end of the veto competition. After commercial, the winner would be revealed, and we'd see if the veto was used. There was about 20 minutes of show left.

To my surprise, Farmer H had gotten up for a bathroom visit, during the last competitor of the veto competition. Then lay down on the long couch. The surprise was his cocooning.

Yeah. He's in there. His head is on the left, on top of his pile of clean laundry that's only been there two days so far. His feet are to the right, hanging off the end. Farmer H was moaning that he was cold.

"Huh. Some people might just put on clothes, rather than sit around shivering in their underwear."

"I don't need no clothes. I'm going to bed."

"NOW? We'll see who won after the commercial."

"You can tell me tomorrow."

So after less than five minutes on the couch, Farmer H got up and went to bed. That seems like a lot of effort for me, to grab the afghan and unfold it and wrap up in it and shimmy into an acceptable position on the couch. He could have grabbed it and covered up in his recliner and finished the show. Or just gone to bed instead of coming back out after his bathroom trip.

There's no explaining the behavior of Farmer H.

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The afghan was a gift from one of my uncle's friends when my family visited him in Alaska way back in the 70s. The blanket on the back of the couch was made by my niece, Niecy, just for fun. 

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A Plan Not To My Liking

Remember how we were all set to get an electronic fence to keep our newest dog Pepper home at night? Or any time of day, really, but the complaint was about the night. Anyhoo... Farmer H spent $424.32 on that fencing system. I thought we were all set. The Pony was coming out Monday, and they'd get it going.

Nope. 

Farmer H changed his mind! He took that fencing system back on Sunday! Returned it, and got a credit of $404.27 back on the debit card. He said he didn't think that a radius of 150 feet was enough space. And then told me his new plan.

"I'm gonna board up the back porch. Like when Pepper was a pup. [That part of the porch is STILL boarded up, except around the water bowl!] I'll put a gate over by the BBQ grill. We'll keep the dogs on the porch at night. Then in the morning, I'll open the gate and let them out. Because he only complained about the night, and the barking from his dogs."

"NO! I don't like that! I don't want the porch boarded up. You've already ruined the porch with all those dang wagon wheels. And all the junk you have sitting around. I couldn't walk around the porch if I wanted to. I don't want to mess with a gate. And Pepper can get his paws and arms up on the rail. I'm afraid he might try to jump over, and get hurt going off the back porch."

"HM. You wouldn't have to do anything with the gate. I would open it in the morning, and close it at night. Pepper ain't gonna jump off the porch. And them wagon wheels look good! Everybody says so."

"No. I don't like it. They'll have to hold their poop and pee, or you'll have to clean it up. And they can still get over to annoy the neighbors in the day."

"They ain't complained about the day."

"She said they eat her cat food that she leaves out."

"She SAID. But any animal can come eat cat food. We had that possum coming up on the porch. And that dead armadillo out by the carport."

"I don't like the porch idea. Why can't we just get a fencing system? You bought it, then took it back!"

"If you can find one that gives them more space, fine."

"The Pony looked one up. It's only a little more, but there's a $10 a month subscription fee. That's nothing. We won't even notice it."

"If it works..."

"I'll let The Pony describe it on Monday when we grill."

To be continued...

Speaking (Or Writing) Of The Spy-ers...

I was not surprised last week when we got a particular piece of junk mail. It was a cardboard ad for a seminar. We get such things often, usually for Farmer H, concerning hearing aids. He never goes, but somehow those dirty, dirty spy-ers must have heard me yelling daily at him, often ending with: "You need to get hearing aids!"

This ad was not for hearing aids.

Heh, heh! It's for a PEE seminar! I got a chuckle out of that. Especially with it coming during the time The Pony was getting an ad for talking about spinny chairs. I didn't know if this ad was generated by me writing about Farmer H's pee issues from his "prostate roto-rootering" surgery, or from our phones listening in on when Farmer H was talking about his pee issues after the surgery.

Anyhoo... here I was, chuckling over this pee seminar ad, getting ready to send a picture to The Pony and expose another dirty, dirty spy-er. Then I looked at the address, to see if it actually had Farmer H's name, or just said Resident, and could have been a mass mailing.

Imagine my surprise when I saw that it was addressed to ME!

I don't know what that's all about! I guess it could have been from my writing, or from my phone listening in. Which reminds me, I don't think I've shared this with The Pony yet.

Those Dirty Spy-ers!

On our way home from picking up my long-awaited prescription on Thursday, The Pony and I were talking about old school days.

"I really liked having practice for Academic Team at the middle school. We had those spinny chairs. It was fun."

Of course, because why would The Pony want to concentrate on practicing spouting knowlege when there was a chance to spin round and round on a chair in the computer lab?

This was around 3:15, near the end of Errand Day. Later that evening, The Pony sent me a text.

"Remember how I mentioned the spinny chairs from middle school Academic Team in the car? Just got an ad for them."

I think the blame for this electronic eavesdropping goes to The Pony's phone. Mine would have sent ME the ad. And the OnStar feature in T-Hoe would also send it to me, not The Pony.

Dirty, dirty spy-ers! I will never invite Alexa or Siri or Dot into my Mansion!

My New Best Friend

This is my new best friend. This little LED flashlight that is emblazoned with the name and phone number of our credit union. I don't even know where I got it. Other than from the credit union, of course! Maybe it was a door prize, or maybe Farmer H got it as a souvenir from the yearly dinner that he attends. All I know is that it rests in the little basket of odds and ends on the kitchen table, my makeshift office. 

When the power went off at 5:25 Saturday evening, I still had daylight through the kitchen windows, though subdued by the storm that caused the outage. I knew I had a little flashlight in that basket. I rooted through the pens and winning $2 and $3 ShowMe Cash draw tickets that I save for The Pony. There it was! A lifesaver for when darkness fell.

Oh, it was VERY dark. No moon because of the clouds. No light after 8:30, except the two solar lights on the porch rail. To navigate the Mansion, I needed this little flashlight. He worked like a champ. Bright enough to see. Small enough to drop into my shirt pocket when sitting in the dark, awaiting my next sortie to the bathroom.

Years ago, I ordered a bunch of little LED flashlights like this, in assorted colors, for the guys' stocking stuffers. I'm going to order some more for ME. To leave in each room. They're really handy when the power goes off, and they don't take up room like a big flashlight. They don't smell up the air like a cheap candle. And they don't run down your phone battery.

I Would Rather Pepper Just Get Peppered

There's trouble in paradise! Farmer H got a text from our across-the-road neighbor on Wednesday evening. He said, "Your new dog is coming over at night and making my dogs bark. Could you do something about it?"

This upset Farmer H. Coming from neighbors he thought were our friends. We've been invited to football viewing parties and cookouts over the years. They commented on how nice Farmer H keeps our lawn. But now, Farmer H was insulted. That's how he acted, but I think he was more hurt.

"Huh. It's not like Pepper is doing anything. I guess he forgets how their dogs killed our 37 chickens. And how their horses got out and trampled through our yard and garden until they could come catch them."

"Yeah. The chickens were a bad deal. They only killed a couple a day. So there was time to do something to stop it before all of them were dead. But they didn't. Their horses wasn't really their fault. They just got out. And don't forget, Jack used to run under their fence and chase their horses. But we DID get the shock collar and break him of that. I don't think they're being jerks. They're just telling you that Pepper is a problem for them. I know that strange dog comes in our yard at night and makes Pepper and Jack bark. I wouldn't be so sure it's Pepper causing their dogs to bark. But maybe they have a camera, and it IS Pepper."

"Well, I'm not going to tie up my dog. That's why I live in the country. He's not gonna be in a pen, or in the house."

"If you got a shock collar, you'd have to stay up and catch Pepper starting over there at night. That would be almost impossible. And I think we have too much land to use the invisible fence kind of thing."

"I'm going to look them up."

"I wouldn't mind spending up to $500 for something like that if it would work. We're not paupers. I'm just not sure we can find something that works."

Farmer H spent all evening on his phone, looking at different systems, from Walmart and Petco. One of them said you could program it by satellite. Draw in your boundaries. They could be irregular. The other said it worked in a 150-foot radius. That's the one Farmer H bought, though he really preferred the satellite version. The prices were comparable, but The Veteran said he uses the 150-foot one from Petco, and it works for his dogs. It cost $424.32.

Farmer H plans to get it set up on Monday, while The Pony is here for a cookout, to help measure the boundaries. I hate to do this to Pepper. To restrict him and SHOCK him. But he can't be bothering other people. Jack learned really fast not to run into the horse field, thanks to Mr. Shocky.

I'd really rather the neighbors just use a BB gun to pepper Pepper with little pellets as discouragement. But that would be putting the responsibility on them, and that's not right.

I Guess I'll Survive (Part 5)

The Ol' Universe was rolling on the floor, clutching its universe-y innards, hee-hawing at the continuing shenanigans with Mrs. HM's medication.

Just when I was celebrating the successful procurement of my vital drug, in fact on the phone with The Pony arranging to drive over to Bill-Paying Town and pick it up that very afternoon... I got a call from the pharmacy.

"Hello? Is this Mrs. HM? I'm calling from YOUR CLINIC Family Care Pharmacy. Your NP asked me to give you a call about your medicine. It looks like your insurance won't cover this brand name drug. The cost will be $168. He wanted to make sure you knew that, to see if you still want it."

"Yes! I've been getting a 30-day supply, and it cost me $66.31. So I imagine this is for a 90-day supply. I normally wouldn't want that much, in case he might have to change it back to the 50mg. But with this, I could take two and it would be the same thing. So I'm fine with the $168. It's not a problem to get the 90. Especially since I have to drive 25 miles to get it. I'll be there this afternoon to pick it up."

"Oh. Well. We don't have it HERE. We'll have to get it. But we should have it tomorrow (Thursday) by noon."

"That will be fine! I'll be there to get it."

"We will call when it's ready. It will be a St. Louis phone number, just so you know. From our automated system."

"That's good to know. I'll be waiting for it."

So close, but yet so far! The Universe was dangling that beta blocker in front of me like a carrot on a stick. But at least I was six days closer to getting it.

THURSDAY

I started my morning routine early. It takes me three hours to do my unwrapping of legs, exercises, shower, leg pumps, and re-wrap. I wanted to have time for breakfast, and innernetting, and some laundry, and dish-washing. Then leave at 1:30 to pick up The Pony at 2:00, and go get my precious, long-awaited prescription. I had my ear on the phone, waiting for that pharmacy call to say it was ready.

I waited. A lot. Started to doubt The Universe once again. That merry prankster!

At 11:46, my phone rang. It was a St. Louis number. I answered, and it was the recording that my prescription was ready for pickup. YAAAAYYYYYYYY!

The Pony and I started our Errand Day with this pickup over in Bill-Paying Town. The pharmacy has a drive-thru window. Not the kind I prefer, that slides open and lets you talk face-to-face as they hand you the prescription. But one of those slide-out metal drawers that are a bit low for T-Hoe, with the worker hermetically sealed behind thick unbreakable glass.

The gal was very nice. She asked if I was sure I wanted the brand name. YES! She told me that there was only one bottle left at their supplier. And since they didn't have anybody else getting this drug from their pharmacy, they gave me the whole thing. Which was 100 tablets instead of 90. The cost would be $181.95. Was that okay? YES!

I tossed my debit card down into the drawer, and she sent out an electronic signing thingy for my signature with a fingertip. Then I sent it back, and got my precious DRUGS!

The gal said that when I'm almost out, to notify them so they can have a few days to get my refill. You can bet I will be doing that. I sure hope there's not a shortage at that time, or I might have to go through this all over again!