Saturday, July 12, 2014

Mrs. Hillbilly Mom Has What It Takes To Host A Live Reality Show

It is no secret that Mrs. Hillbilly Mom is a fan of reality shows. Her summer pleasure is Big Brother. And it's on THREE nights a week! One of the best parts of Big Brother is the announcer, Julie Chen. She's only on one night a week, but it's the LIVE show. Julie Chen is a bit...um...how you say...robotic. In fact, her nickname among live-feedsters and bloggers is "The Chenbot." She is not made for live TV. Every now and then, she malfunctions.

Take Thursday night, for instance. At the end of the live show, after eviction votes have been cast, and the departing houseguest's interview held in front of the studio audience, we get down to the business of crowning a new Head of Household. This year, there are dual Heads of Household. Sometimes the competition is brainy, like a quiz show, and other times they are physical, like walking on a log as a lumberjack might do, and other times they are a crapshoot. A game of chance. Anybody can win, with no particular skill.

The problem with competitions on a live show is that time is of the essence. Oh, and swear words have to be bleeped quickly. The Chenbot's problem with live shows is that she sometimes strays a bit from her script. The gist is there, but the specific message is lost. Kind of like near beer.

Thursday, the houseguests were all lined up, awaiting their one and only turn to hit a polo ball with a polo mallet. I don't know why they called it a polo competition. No horses were in the backyard of the Big Brother house. It was more like a croquet match. Or miniature golf. Because each houseguest had his own colored wooden ball, which he sat down at the starting area, then hit with a wooden mallet. There were a few obstacles in the way that the wooden balls could hit, then they all rolled downhill and landed in slots with random numbers. The highest two numbers landed on were the new Heads of Household.

So...on Thursday night, as time was running out, with many houseguests still left to take their turn, The Chenbot voiced over the view of the competition, "Everyone, I need you to have your balls in hand and ready to go when you get called."

YES! Julie Chen told the Big Brother contestants, on live TV, to HAVE THEIR BALLS IN HAND!

That means 6.2 MILLION viewers heard Julie Chen tell the houseguests to HAVE THEIR BALLS IN HAND! Yeah. I'm thirteen like that.

Now I don't feel so bad that ten people in a small-town Little Caesar's heard me tell The Pony, while taking care of his arcade game winnings, "Do you know how hard it was for me to pick that up and carry it while I was busy holding your balls?"

Julie Chen and Mrs. Hillbilly Mom. Two peas in a pod. Emmy material.

2 comments:

Sioux said...

Perhaps you should create your own Hillbilly version of Big Brother. I wonder what it would be like...

Hillbilly Mom said...

Sioux,
Oh, dear. That would not be a pretty sight. No high-def for this show.

This is entirely too much fodder to put into a comment. Coming Soon! Hillbilly Big Brother.