Wednesday, December 13, 2017

This Is Why We Can't Spare Live Things

Once upon a midnight dreary, in my lair, caffeined and feary
Hoping not to hear the noises that I'd heard so many times before,
While I net-surfed, Christmas shopping, suddenly I felt a plopping
As of something gently dropping, dropping to my foot upon the floor.
"'Tis just knee-ice juice," I muttered, "dripping to my foot upon the floor--
Only water, nothing more."

Ah, distinctly I remember how it was this mid-December
And my not-so-very limber aching foot upon the floor.
Suddenly I noticed scuttling, down below my desk was something
Scrambling off my black sock, black thing--black thing? NO! I must implore--
Do not let this be a run-in with the insect I abhor!
I'll be shaken to the core!

Oh, the cricket, fresh from leaping, still is creeping, STILL is creeping
Somewhere in my basement lair, six hairy legs upon my floor.
Better than when he was clinging (had I known I'd been hand-wringing)
To my knee, so nightmare-bringing, knowledge I a cricket wore!
Will I let him go the next time saving clean up of the gore?
Says Ms HM, "Nevermore."

__________________________________________________________________

Yeah. That freakin' cricket that I let go the other day was ON MY KNEE, unbeknownst to me, until it dropped onto the top of my foot. I thought it was just water dripping out of my baggie of knee ice that I had folded into my sweatpants leg. Yet when I glanced down and reached to see if there was a leak, I saw that darn cricket hop off the top of my foot and run across the floor and under the cabinet.

I HATE CRICKETS!

Darn this one for being silent. There's probably a whole colony of mutant crickets that don't chirp, living in my dark basement lair, which shall remain lighted indefinitely. Nothing wrong with their legs that make them unable to get around quickly. They don't hop like a normal cricket, or rub those legs together for noise. It's been at least two months since I HEARD a cricket in here.

Somethin' ain't right, people. You can quoth me on that.

2 comments:

River said...

You'll have to google and find out if all crickets chirp or just the males or just the females. I really have no idea. I just know that a cricket inside is supposed to be lucky for the home owner. I say if he stays away from your knees, let him be. Foolish advice, I know, since you hate the poor little buggers.

Hillbilly Mom said...

River,
Aha! Female crickets do NOT chirp! I'm not even going to look up how many babies they make.

Funny that I can't get away from that cricket! Last night, I moved a box of Puffs With Lotion, and there she was under it. Today, I went out into the main part of the basement, to talk to Farmer H, who was WRAPPING PRESENTS on the pool table, and when I came back, that cricket was walking around under my desk, right where I put my feet.

I still don't like crickets, but I didn't squash it. Yet...

Funnier that I've had a bit good luck lately.