Saturday, December 14, 2019

Out Of The Lying Plan, Into My Ire

When I left for town Thursday, Farmer H was lurking under the carport, putting in or taking out a folded-up aluminum ladder from SilverRedO's rear. A man was with him! So I had two lurkers lurking while I backed T-Hoe out of the garage. I was just able to squeeze by that poking-out ladder to make my turn onto the driveway. We won't even talk about what those two were up to...

Anyhow, when I arrived home, I had a box to carry in. That is not up for discussion today, either. I didn't have anything else besides my 44 oz Diet Coke, purse, and the mail. But the box was awkward, and heavy for me. I tried to call Farmer H. I saw SilverRedO under the carport. So I figured he might be in the house. I'd not noticed if the Gator was there. What do you think I have, some kind of photographic memory?

The phone rang and rang and rang some more. Then it went to voice mail. Huh. Maybe Farmer H was over in the BARn, where he doesn't get reception. Sigh. I carried that box to the side porch, and set it on the metal chair, while Juno and Jack leapt about. I kept my mouth shut! No nose-tasting for me this time! Jack got his paws on my shoulders, but a shirt will wash. He seemed to be dry, anyway.

I tossed them a handful of cat kibble (apiece), got my stuff from the car, and headed for the kitchen door, with promises of a really good treat. Grease bread, and chicken wing bones! The minute I stepped through the portal, I sensed that Farmer H was inside. No, I don't have a special sensor that goes off. I saw that the TV was on GUNSMOKE. I'd left it on cable news.

"You'd better NOT EVEN be in here!"

"Huh? Why? What do you mean?"

"I just tried to call you. I have a heavy box that I was hoping you'd carry."

"I didn't get no call. Here. No missed call."

"Never mind, then. I see you're not getting up. So I'll go back out and finish carrying in that heavy box..."

No sound of movement or apology from Farmer H. But you knew that, didn't you? Having that special sensor that can predict Farmer H's behavior.

He could have at least come up with an outrageous excuse, so I could have had the pleasure of picking it apart.


River said...

Did you dump that heavy box on a piece of furniture that would impede his vision of Gunsmoke? Or on top of the TV so the signal gets scrambled and he can't see Gunsmoke?

Hillbilly Mom said...

No, I didn't know what was inside. Genius responded to the picture I sent, and said to open it. So it would have been safe to drop in on Farmer H's head. Of course, he already has a titanium plate in his neck. So I might be biting off my nose to spite my face. Or disabling my casino chauffeur for petty revenge...

That box was heavy. I did NOT want to carry it any farther than the kitchen counter. It's on my next post on my not-so-secret blog. Farmer H has seen all the Gunsmokes anyway. He always tells me what's about to happen. AS IF I care, when I'm only sitting down to rest my rickety knees, not watch his shows.

Sioux Roslawski said...

There is just no end to the things men can AVOID doing.

Hillbilly Mom said...

I think they're born with that skill. And the ability to spend more time making excuses than the task would take.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I usually wait for an audience then guilt him into doing things. When that doesn't work, I can always get Kevin to do it.

Hillbilly Mom said...

You are so lucky to have a Kevin! When I mention such shenanigans in front of an audience, Farmer H DENIES everything! With that little I'm off my rocker.