I think my credit card
company is gaslighting me. There's no reason for that, other than to
drag me kicking and screaming and karate-chopping and hairpulling and
donkey-punching into the modern age. This bad news is for them:
A LONG AS A CHECK ACTS AS A MONEY SUBSTITUTE FOR EVENTUAL LEGAL TENDER, YOU'LL GET NO AUTOMATIC PAYMENT FROM MRS. HILLBILLY MOM.
Oh,
they're itchin' to get their tentacles into my bank account. I'm sure
of it! Always trying to get me to convert to paperless statements. Pay
by phone or online. Nope. Accounts get hacked every day. You don't need
any of my extra information stored in your tempting database. I think
they're mad because we pay the balance in full every month. No profit
off of our interest. No annual fee like they used to try and charge us.
Anyhoo... here's what they're doing now.
The
part of the statement that gets returned with the check has the amount
of the bill, and the amount of the minimum payment, in a gray box in the
upper right corner. THOSE NUMBERS WERE BLURRY! No, it was not my eyes.
That's what they'd like me to THINK! That my eyes are going bad, and I'd
better get some other payment method set up while I can still see well
enough to do so!
It's not like the bill got wet. That
sometimes happens, and the envelope and contents get all puckery. This
was just blurry printing. Like they'd used a DOT MATRIX printer for that
part! The address was still sharp. As well as the instructions. All
other writing on the statement, in assorted sizes, was sharp and clear.
I
guess I showed THEM! I waited a whole day after I received the
statement to write out their check. Heh, heh! One less day of profit
they can make off the interest they'll draw from my money deposited in
their account before the due date.
7 comments:
I'm guessing it wasn't too blurry for you to make out the numbers since you still wrote out the cheque.
Have you thought about taking all your money and stuffing it under the mattress where it will be safe from hackers? You could even hide some in an unused teapot on a high shelf like they do in movies.
Why don't you send a copy of the Chicks' song (formerly the Dixie Chicks) "Gaslighter"? That'll show them even more!
Too bad you can't go in person and pay them in nickels (or pennies). A writer (Augusten Burroughs) once paid his maid in pennies. I think se was stealing from him or doing something he was angry about. She was NOT happy with the bags of pennies.
River,
It took much squinting and turning it at different angles, but I made out the numbers. 6 and 8 look similar when unfocused.
Under the mattress??? Are you kidding? That's the first place they'd look! The second place would be in the freezer of FRIG II. We don't have a teapot. I prefer keeping my fortune in a sock buried in the back yard!
***
Sioux,
I don't know that song! I know Goodbye Earl. And Long Time Gone. And the stolen-from-Stevie-Nicks Landslide. But now that they're called the CHICKS, I'm offended that such a name is disrespectful to women...
Heh, heh. I guess Washington made sure there would be no objections, after renaming their team "The Washington Football Team." The CHICKS could have become "The Female Singers." At least they didn't steal someone else's name, like Lady Antebellum suing Lady A.
Augusten's maid probably told him to stop running with scissors.
It's a brand new song. A bitter, angry song about one of their ex-husbands. I am not sure of the record is even out yet.
Yeah, "Good-Bye Earl" is one of my favorites. Poisoned black-eyed peas and a tarp'll do... if the chipper malfunctions...
Sioux,
How dare you expect me to have heard NEW music, Madam! I might as well buy an electric car, put on Google glasses, and link my bank account to the information superhighway!
you might want to bury that fortune in something a little tougher than a sock. I love Goodbye Earl.
River,
Some of Farmer H's socks can be pretty tough! I might have seen one walk on its own!
Goodbye Earl is a classic.
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