Farmer H, The Keymaster

Let's face it. Mrs. HM will never have anything to call her own. She may have it in her possession, and THINK it belongs to her, but in reality, everything in her world is the property of Farmer H. At least in HIS mind.

I was minding my own beeswax at the kitchen table on Tuesday afternoon, scratching on my last crossword (turned out to be a loser), when Farmer H exploded through the kitchen door. I don't know why he does that. He can't just enter like a human being, but somehow yanks on the turny doorknob and pulls the door open with reverse-hurricane force. As I insolently informed him as he crossed the threshold: "Everything goes to Not-Heaven the minute you arrive!"

"I don't know why you say that."

"You about gave me a heart attack. I don't hear a thing, then the door explodes open."

"Huh. Do you know where your truck key is?"

"Probably."

"I need it."

"Well. I'll give up on finishing my LAST ticket, and look for the key."

"I don't need it right this second. I'm taking my medicine to the bathroom."

Farmer H was back in about 23 seconds. I had my key for SilverRedO on my regular key ring. It looks just like T-Hoe's key. They're both Chevys, you know. A long key with a black plastic cap.

"Here it is, with all my keys."

"Mine ain't workin' right. It goes in, and it turns, but it catches. I want to see if it's the key, or the ignition."

When Farmer H came back a few minutes later (my last crossword ticket was still not finished), he was fiddling with my key ring.

"You switched out your bad key for my good key, didn't you!"

"Not yet..."

"Make sure you put it in the exact same place on the ring. That's how I can tell which house key is the right one, since they look exactly the same. I don't want my hands full of groceries you didn't carry, trying to fiddle with the keys."

"There. I put it right back."

"So now I have a truck key that doesn't work."

"It works, HM. Just not every time. I'll take your key and get one made. So we'll have two good keys."

Sure. Maybe he could take T-Hoe to get an oil change, too. But I've been waiting six months at least for that. 

It's not that I ever plan to use my key for SilverRedO. Back when I was working, and had the boys here, we sometimes had an emergency that needed another vehicle. Like when the power went out, and we couldn't get the garage door open because both boys were too small to reach the pull cord that was over the top of our large SUV at the time. So we had to drive the truck at the time, my dad's old GMC that we bought from him, which was loaded with a pool filter and hoses. My (little) Pony rode in the middle, with hoses around his shoulders like a plow horse in a collar.

Anyhoo... if I need an extra vehicle these days, Farmer H will likely be in SilverRedO, and I'll have A-Cad at my disposal. A key on a separate ring.

It's just the idea that all of my "possessions" are fleeting. They belong to Farmer H.