I've Been Burned (Gouged) By The (Fake) Fire(place)

Today I take a break from plagiarizing Ed Sheeran lyrics, and move on to Tom Petty for my title. It's a line from "Insider." [at 1:40 in this 5:26 YouTube duet with Stevie Nicks]

If you are the squeamish sort, you might not want to continue. I've put the gory pictures in reverse order, so as not to traumatize people with the thumbnail. I can't be settling personal injury lawsuits from the fainters, because I might be dealing with lawsuits from the music theft!

Anyhoo... a terrible tragedy befell me on Tuesday morning. I was getting up from my OPC (Old People Chair) to pull up the shorts that go with my leg pumps. In lifting my left arm, I hit the corner of the fake electric fireplace that's on the wall next to the OPC. A normal person could take a beatin' and keep on reachin', but I have thin, papery old lady skin, as The Pony says.

The corner of the fireplace ripped a triangle-shaped piece of skin loose. I knew it was going to bleed like an open fire hydrant. Good thing I have that cardboard box of supplies on the table next to the OPC, because no way could I hurry out of the carpeted living room with those heavy canvas shorts around my ankles, and seven assorted hoses strewn in my path. I could at least grab a piece of paper towel from my emergency stash.

There I stood, pressing the wound, pondering my next move. I sat down, kept my arm flat, and grabbed the box with my right hand. Of course I had everything in there but the kitchen sink, and bandaids. I had some non-stick flat gauze squares, though. And scissors. And tape. So I cut a gauze square in half, and tore off two strips of clear tape. I managed a makeshift bandage. It held up pretty well.

The injury happened around 10:15. As I readied myself for town at 2:30, I noticed that blood had started to seep through the gauze. It wasn't wet. There's a barrier. So I went on to town, rather than take time to re-bandage. 

Here's what it was like when I got home:

A bit misleading to pose it over my cutting board, but I was making Farmer H's supper at the time of the photos and the changing of the bandage. It's about to get gory. This is your warning to step away!

I took the bandage off by the wastebasket. Taking off the two tape pieces pulled my fragile skin. Blood started flowing again, even though this was now 4:00, and six hours after the injury. Lucky for me the paper towel holder was right there, so I got it blotted over and over, as I went to the living room to show Farmer H. Who of course had a large bandaid on HIS left arm, in the same place! Said he knocked it into a stack of 2x4s at Lowe's. But mine was more dramatic, I declared!

You can see the triangle of gouged skin. I know it won't be growing back. But I can't trim it off right now. Only press it back down with a new bandage. The pinkness around it is from the wiped-off blood, not inflammation. I'll stick with my bandages and clear tape, because I don't want to use one of Farmer H's big bandaids and find out I'm allergic to the adhesive.

I plan to leave my current bandage on a day or two, unless it seeps through too much. To allow the wound to start healing, and not bleed every time the skin is stretched taking off the tape. For showering, I plan to cut the top and bottom off a sandwich baggie, and slip that over my bandage. The tape to hold it on should be far enough away from the wound so that taking it off won't stretch the injured area.

Oh, and don't worry about Farmer H's supper. It was just corn dogs. They were in the oven when I unbandaged and got everything cleaned up again. I didn't have to touch his food, just take the pan out of the oven when they were done. Cutting board got washed with the dishes.