Hillmomba Takes A Pounding

We expected rain on Sunday. Farmer H would have gladly grilled some of our leftover frozen sausage patties. But I told him I saw rain was forecast. So we put the grilling off for a few days, in favor of meat loaf. We don't regularly watch the local news and weather. If Farmer H has some work planned on the outside of a flip house, he checks his phone in the morning for the forecast. So we had no idea that actual STORMS were headed our way.

I was sitting at the kitchen table with HIPPIE around noon. The sun was shining. I even took a picture of Farmer H's newest addition to the back porch. Scarcely had I sat down from doing so than the skies darkened. The wind picked up. And HAIL STARTED POUNDING ON THE MANSION!

This was a bit scary. The trees were whipping around, and the sky got dark as dusk. I did NOT want to open the kitchen door when I saw that the hail was coming down at a 45-degree angle. That hail was the size of hazelnuts. 

There it is, on the back porch outside the kitchen door. Sorry for the view through the window shades, but I was not opening that door.

When I looked out the other window at POOLIO, the water was churning like a bubbling hot tub! So much hail.

That's an even worse view, but you can see hail on the porch rail, and lining the edge of POOLIO. It apparently did not hurt the frogs who currently reside in that location, peeping and peeping all the live-long night.

When I left for town around 4:45, later than usual, having waited for the storms to pass, I saw remnants of the hail, even though the temperature was 75 degrees.

The road to town was covered with twigs and bits of pine needles. The trees took a beating from that hail. It smelled wonderful, though, the scent of pine. 

The skies were darkening again. I only made two stops for my scratchers. No grocery shopping. It was starting to sprinkle before I returned to the Mansion. Our power went off FIVE TIMES between 5:30 and 6:00. Thankfully, it kept coming back on, though making us reset the microwave clock, and wait for the DISH satellite to reload its info so the TV could play. The electricity had only gone off once during the noontime storm, and came right back.

Farmer H said that probably a tree limb got blown onto a wire in the first round, and then when the wind started up again, it kept shutting off the power, but whatever system the electric company has as backup (I don't always listen to Farmer H's details) allowed the power to come right back on.

We will have to check our metal roof for damages. Not a good thing, since Farmer H just switched our homeowner's insurance to a new company a month or two ago. If we have a claim, they might raise our rates to the same as our insurance company of 35 years. I was against this change to begin with. I hope it doesn't bite us on the rumpus.

A Tentative Plan For Pupsie's Very Special Operation

Pupsie is barely any tamer than when Scarlett first stole her. Pupsie WILL come close to me, and will sniff the back of my hand, and allow my finger to tickle her jowl. That's it. Well. She will snatch a half-slice of bread from my hand. Not a dainty eater, that Pupsie. She shies away from Farmer H, but will also snatch bread from his hand as well.

Pupsie is probably five or six months old now. She needs her very special operation. The problem is CATCHING Pupsie to get her to the vet. Of course you need an appointment for that. Farmer H stopped by the newest vet this week. The office is only five miles from here, just past Mick the Mechanic's shop, on the road going to the bowling alley.

"I went in and told her the problem we have catching Pupsie. I asked if she had some kind of medicine I could buy, to give Pupsie so she wouldn't be nervous. Like a tranquilizer. The vet said she had some, but didn't think it would work well enough. Said it might just make her a little drowsy. I said I could probably catch Pupsie with a fishing net and get her there in a pet carrier."

"Well, that's not good! She'll be scared to death. She'll probably bite, trying to get away."

"Yeah. And tear up my fishing net! Anyway, I made an appointment for May 8th. I have to get Pupsie there by 7:45. Maybe by then she'll let me pet her. I thought about getting some good meaty treats."

"Between now and then, you need to spend 15-30 minutes a day sitting out on the porch with Pupsie and Jack. Have the carrier there. You can't just bring it out on the day you want to catch her. She'll be suspicious. So you sit out there on that chair on the side porch, petting Jack. Pupsie will hang around. I'll get some hot dogs and cut them up. Every now and then, you feed a piece to Jack. Pupsie will come over snooping around. Don't try to feed her out of your hand! Drop it real close to you. Have that carrier with the door open, where you can slam it shut on the day you need to catch her. Toss a piece of hot dog in there. Even if Jack goes to get it, Pupsie will be greedy, and try it herself when she sees nothing happens to Jack. Does she have to not eat before her operation? Maybe you can toss a hot dog in there on that morning, and slam the door when she's inside. That's all I know to suggest."

"It might work. We'll see how it goes. I might go back to the vet and ask for that medicine to try."

"It's not like you can catch Pupsie the night before and keep her in the carrier. She'll be too scared, and she'll have to pee and poop in the carrier. Too bad you can't take Jack along to the appointment. That might calm her down. She gets frantic if he's out in the back yard when I come home and it's time for treats. She wants Jack up on the porch with her. She runs out to get him."

"I could try that."

"You'd probably need Old Buddy to help you. Jack is not good at walking on a leash. I don't think you could handle both of them, with Pupsie in a carrier. And Jack might pick a fight with other dogs there. Make sure you tell the vet people that Pupsie will probably be scared and bite. So they can put a muzzle on her."

"We'll make something work. Maybe not the first time..."

How do you solve a problem like our Pupsie?

The Pony Is Back!

Around 2:00 on Friday, I got a text from Farmer H:

"Pony wants to meet so he can use my phone to get one ordered so be late coming home"

That was good news. Around 4:30, when I was in town, I got a text from our phone service provider:

"You have successfully linked this phone number to your [phone company] ID. If unauthorized, call xxx-xxx-xxxx. This phone number on your billing account was linked to your ID. If this charge was unauthorized, call or log in to adjust your line permissions."

Well. I would think that with our three phone numbers being on this same account, we would all have permission to use it. I know that I've added Farmer H and The Pony to this account before. I don't know what that gave them permission to do. Get a SIM card, I suppose.

Anyhoo... 45 minutes later, I got another text that me or my authorized user had entered into a finanancing agreement that may impact my monthly bill. And to call if it was not authorized. That's the thing. There are better bargains if you pay monthly rather than buy the phone outright. I don't like that. We have always preferred to get it over with, and not drag it out. Genius used to order our phones, and "jailbreak" them, and get them set up.

Anyhoo... five minutes later, I got another text that a SIM for The Pony's number had been updated. That was curious, but I knew they were dealing with the phone, so didn't worry.

Turns out The Pony had ordered the new phone using Farmer H's. Farmer H drove The Pony over to Bill-Paying Town to get the phone from the phone store. The Pony needed a new SIM to get his to transfer all his data. Usually we have that done in the store, but The Pony said he could do it at home, setting the two phones side by side. It took about 90 minutes, so I'm glad Farmer H didn't have to wait in the store for the staff to do it.

ANYHOO... The Pony has a new phone! We had a 15-minute chat Friday evening. Such a relief that we are now back in the communication loop! As with his last phone, The Pony will pay us monthly for his portion of the bill. All is well in Hillmomba once more.

The Universe Deals Sharply With Mrs. HM

What in the Not-Heaven? Mrs. HM is a pretty good egg. If you were to take a peek at her permanent record, you would see that she has never been a ne'er-do-well. In fact, she's been a mostly-do-well. She gives to charity. Holds her tongue. Is polite even to people who don't deserve it. She may not give the shirt off her back to somebody (no one wants to see THAT), but she has been known to give a dollar here and there to 10:00 a.m. alcoholics, and afternoon vapers. Short of refusing to be bullied by that soda-buying grouch into giving up her rightful place in line at the Gas Station Chicken Store, Mrs. HM's behavior recently has been exemplary. For her altruistic efforts, The Universe rewarded Mrs. HM by

SLICING OPEN HER RIGHT INDEX FINGER ON MONDAY NIGHT!

All I wanted was some microwave popcorn. Blast-O-Butter. It's delicious. Takes 2.5 minutes to pop. A nice treat after a week of working on taxes, and paying seven electric bills, and figuring out The Pony's share of flip house expenses. Not to mention making supper for Farmer H, and washing dishes by hand.

I put the bag of popcorn (seeds) into the microwave. Set the timer. Stood and watched, because what else can you do for 2.5 minutes besides lay out Farmer H's vitamin for the next morning? I watched the timer count down. Heard the popping slow. Opened the microwave door, and opened the bag to pour into my bowl. Mrs. HM is not an animal! She does not eat the popcorn right out of the buttery bag.

But no! That bag wouldn't open! I held it by the opposite corners as usual. They wouldn't pull! I tried the other two opposite corners. Nope. I needed to do something fast, before that popcorn burned in the hot bag. I saw a little crack along the top seam. I put my right finger in that slit to widen it. I knew to be careful, because hot steam (as opposed to cold steam, heh, heh) was coming out.

OUCH!

I thought I had burned my finger on the steam. I tried harder, and made a little (bigger) opening. Then the corners worked when I pulled them apart. I poured my popcorn into the bowl. My finger was really smarting. I looked. There was a CUT across my fingertip. Perpendicular to the nail. Blood seeped out. I grabbed a Puffs With Lotion off the counter to staunch the flow.

Do you know how painful it is to eat popcorn with an open cut on your finger? I hope you never find out. The Universe rubbed salt in Mrs. HM's wound! Actually, I rubbed salt into my own wound. But I really wanted that popcorn. I didn't so much want to wash dishes the next morning, or run my damaged finger through my shampooed hair, but I did. Still hurt. As does typing on HIPPIE's keyboard. None of which give me as much pleasure as that buttery popcorn.

The Saga Continues On Finding The Pony

The Pony was last heard from Monday evening, on Facebook, by Farmer H. He was going to come out on Wednesday morning at 9:00 to use my phone to order a new phone. That's because it had to be done through a text that would be sent when placing the order. A text. Which The Pony's phone cannot currently send or receive.

I got off the short couch earlier than usual. Didn't get my regular snoozing done when Farmer H left the Mansion at 6:15. I washed the dishes and turned on HIPPIE and waited. And waited. I thought maybe The Pony was running late. Had overslept, maybe. Or stopped for gas. At 9:46 I called Farmer H.

"The Pony still hasn't arrived. I guess he's okay."

Thinking, you know, that maybe Farmer H could hop in SilverRedO and drive less than two miles from Bargain House to Pony House, just to see if The Pony's car was still in the driveway. Maybe knock if it was, in case he was still asleep. I know The Pony really wants to get this phone issue solved, and Wednesday is his day off to do that.

"I'm sure he's okay." Said Farmer H. 

Back to waiting. At 10:18, I had to take a bathroom break from all that waiting! On the way, I heard my phone get something. I figured it was just a junk email, which I'd been getting all morning, along with two scammy calls I didn't answer. When I returned to the kitchen, I checked my phone. 

There was an email from The Pony, saying that he'd sent Farmer H a message that hadn't been read. And that he remembered his phone could still email, and it would go to my phone. The Pony had a migraine, and didn't feel like driving out to the Mansion. 

That was a relief, to know what was going on. Except that the email was sent at 9:48, and didn't get to my phone until 10:18. I called Farmer H, and told him that apparently The Pony had sent him a message that he hadn't bothered to check. Farmer H said he didn't hear it come in. But was relieved to know why The Pony was missing.

At 10:32 I got a text from Farmer H, saying his message just came through.

"Our phones are crap! But at least they're better than The Pony's!" 

To which Farmer H agreed. 

The Pony Once Was Found, But Now He's Lost

Imagine my relief on Monday evening, when I was getting Farmer H's supper ready, and my phone rang. It was The Pony! I could hear someone talking in the background.

"I came to the phone store to see if they could fix my SIM card. First the guy tried taking it out and putting it back in, like I did. He tried all the same stuff as me. Then he finally gave up and put in a new SIM card. He said to make a call and try it, and I wanted to call you!"

"Wow! Good to know that I'm your one phone call, heh, heh! I guess I'd bail you out. So it works now. If you need to go, I understand."

"No. The guy heard me talking to you, and gave me a thumbs up, saying 'It works! You're good.' So now I'm in the car."

"Are you going to have supper while you're over there?"

"Probably. Where should I go? I can't decide. Steak N Shake? CiCi's Pizza? That Chinese buffet I like?"

"I can't decide for you. If it was me, it would be Chinese. But you order that a lot. You really like Steak N Shake. But at CiCi's, you can have pizza and pasta and salad and dessert."

"Yeah. I've had Steak N Shake the most recently. So I guess I'll toss a coin for the other two. I can send you pictures of what I have."

"Okay. That sounds good. I'm so relieved that you got your phone fixed!"

Oh, how lovely was that scenario. Until...

Farmer H got a message on his phone about 15 minutes later. 

"It's Pony. His phone ain't working again. He has to get a new one, but to order one, he has to do it through a link they send in a text. He said he'll have to use one of our phones, and walk us through it."

"I don't know why! He's on the account. He should be able to do it himself, on his own phone."

"He cain't do that! His phone won't get texts! He can look it up and pick out a phone, but he can't order without having a phone to get texts. I cain't believe that store don't have phones in stock."

"Maybe they don't have the kind of phone Pony wants. He's had this one about four years now. They're not going to stock a phone that old."

"Pony says he'll come out Wednesday morning and use your phone to order one it that's okay with you."

"Okay. I'm always here." 

So now we're still waiting for The Pony to return to the land of communication. He can message on Facebook, but can't call or text. Good thing cell phones weren't used to put men on the moon...

Missing The Pony

All day Sunday, I kept meaning to send The Pony info on the sale of the QuickFlip House, to have for filing taxes. The Pony also got a check at closing last year, and needs his half of the amount we spent on renovations to include against the profit. I never did get around to it.

Farmer H came home from his SUS2, and said

"I tried to call The Pony, but the line was busy. Every Sunday on my way home, I call and talk. But I couldn't get through."

"Line busy? Does that happen with a cell phone? I can't imagine The Pony talking to anybody. It wasn't me. He doesn't like to talk on the phone. Even to order things. He does it online. And goes by the doctor's office, rather than calling. His generation is like that."

"Huh. This is The Pony now. He messaged me. Said he's not ignoring me, but that his phone has been acting weird today. It won't make or get calls. And it won't get texts. It keeps saying "NO SIM CARD." I guess he sent me this on his computer. He says he'll keep trying to fix it, but he might have to wait until Wednesday and take it to the phone store down in Bill-Paying Town."

Well. At least I knew that I probably couldn't call The Pony on Monday morning at 6:00. 

I tried. Went straight to voice mail. I told Farmer H.

"How did you get a busy signal? Mine just went straight to voice mail."

"Oh. Yeah. That's what mine did when I tried to call."

Poor Pony. He uses his phone all day during work. At least he has the work scanner to communicate with the office, I suppose. I don't know the details. He sent Farmer H another message around 6:10, saying that if he was still home, to tell me not to worry, that he was up and getting ready for work.

I don't like being out of touch with The Pony.