The Pen Is Dribbling Out Its Life Force (and don't let Darrell Hammond as Sean Connery choose this category in Jeopardy)

The most terrible fate befell Mrs. Hillbilly Mom on Friday!

There she was, correcting papers, when her red Pilot Precise V5 Rolling Ball Extra Fine Stick Pen ran out of red ink. RAN OUT! There was not a drop showing in that little window! Mrs. Hillbilly Mom had graded her pen to death! Farewell, old friend. You served me well.

I go through about one of those red Pilot Precise V5 Rolling Ball Extra Fine Stick Pens every year-and-a-half. Thing is, you can't buy just the red one. No sirree, Bob! The Pilot Pen corporation holds us hostage. Only teachers need that red Pilot Precise V5 Rolling Ball Extra Fine Stick Pen. The Pilot Pen corporation makes us buy a whole 4-pack or 5-pack to get that red one. Seriously. Who needs a green and a blue Pilot Precise V5 Rolling Ball Extra Fine Stick Pen? Okay. I admit that I like the green one, and use it when I write by hand. And for taking notes at faculty meetings. Green is my favorite color, you know. But right now, I have a spare blue and black one at home, and a spare blue and black one in my pencil tray in the top desk drawer at school, and a blue and black and green one in the bottom right school desk drawer, still in the pack from which I removed the red one. Sure, you can find a 2-pack of red Pilot Precise V5 Rolling Ball Extra Fine Stick Pens. FOR $77 ON THE INTERNET! No thank you.

But that's not the worst part. The calamity was further exacerbated when Mrs. Hillbilly Mom said to herself, "Huh. It's time for a new red Pilot Precise V5 Rolling Ball Extra Fine Stick Pen," and reached for her red gel pen (which also came in a 4-pack of red, green, blue, and purple). Yep. That's right. after making the first number of the grade, that red gel pen quit writin' too!

No amount of scribbling or shaking those writing implements within an inch of their now nonexistent lives made them write. So Mrs. HM picked her green Pilot Precise V5 Rolling Ball Extra Fine Stick Pen out of the drawer, and resumed grading.

Few things are as discombobulating to a teacher near the end of her career as change! I didn't WANT to grade my papers in green! It looked wrong. Threw off my senses. I vowed to use that green pen for the next six weeks and three days. No use buying four Pilot Precise V5 Rolling Ball Extra Fine Stick Pens and four something-or-other gel pens to get red ones for the next six weeks and three days.

Sweet Gummi Mary! What are the odds of both of those pens running out a the same time? On the same paper?

During our foray to The Devil's Playground yesterday, I put Pilot Precise V5 Rolling Ball Extra Fine Stick Pens on The Pony's list. And also some kind of red gel pen.

Mrs. Hillbilly Mom shall finish out her career like a professional, by cracky!