Now Mrs. Hillbilly Mom Is A Pusher

You'll never believe what Farmer H has accused me of now!

Last night when I went to bed, I was dismayed to see that Farmer H had all the covers on his side of the bed again. It was like that time he returned from one of his overseas spy missions. I mentioned it on my not-so-secret blog:

I walked from the master bathroom toward the end of the bed, to go around to my side away from the door. In the dim light, I saw the wedding quilt my grandma made for us draped from the Hick burrito all the way to the carpet. Draped like a fine Paso Fino mane. Magnificent in it's drapage. Which meant that my side of the bed, in all its short-sheeted glory, was also as bare as Old Mother Hubbard's quilt cupboard. Let the record show that when you lie on your side, the cover should come down over your body, not end along an imaginary line from shoulder to hip to ankle. Forget about my heart growing cold while Hick was away. My body grows cold now that he's back.

I climbed into bed last night, resigned to shiver. This morning, I stayed abed for a while, having commandeered almost my fair share of quilt and blanket when Farmer H's body left some slack while he showered and snuck out of the Mansion to go to town for breakfast. I was so snug, I didn't want to get up. I heard him return. I made no bones about jumping up and pretending I had not slept in.

"I'm just laying here being warm. Except for my left foot. It's still cold, with that draft coming in, because you had all the covers. They were draped all the way to the floor."

"I did NOT have all the covers, HM."

"Saying so doesn't make it so. You can see right there if you look!"

"All I had was enough to cover myself. You had just as much as me. Unless maybe you're talking about the feet. I can't help it that you shove them over. Every night I straighten them so it's even. Then you do something when you come to bed."

"Huh. I have to turn the covers back to get into bed! And you're saying that I'M the one who makes them drape over your side to the floor? How can I even DO that? I'm not a wizard! You're saying I PUSH a quilt and blanket from my side to yours, so then they drape to the floor."

"HM. Don't be silly."

ME silly? How does his mind even work? I stayed in bed a while longer. When I got up, I saw that while Farmer H had been standing bedside talking to me, he had lifted that part of the quilt up and folded it back over the mattress, so it just looked messed up, rather than hanging to touch the floor.