Farmer H Outsmarts Himself In An Argument With Dumb HM

For many years, we've been on a cash budget. Cash makes you realize that you're spending. We rely on one credit card for airline tickets and hotels and online purchases, and try to limit use of the debit card to weekly groceries and gas on special trips, like to Oklahoma, or the casino. Sweet Gummi Mary! I'd be in a world of hurt if I gave Farmer H free rein with the debit card!

Farmer H's allowance is $140 a week. That's fairly generous. He uses that to buy his gas, and his lunch every day at work, and assorted donuts and 1-liter diet sodas that he sneaks at Casey's, and Goodwill treasures, and small odds and ends at Lowe's for his shacks. If he scams some of that money and stashes it for junk-buying, fine with me. That's what he gets, and he has to make do.

Sunday Farmer H had two roofers come out to fix a small leak in the metal roof. I was under the impression that it was the roofers who actually installed the roof, who have already made one trip back to fix a leak on the back porch part of the roof. After they'd finished repairs and gone, Farmer H informed me that it cost $150.

"Wait. I thought they were fixing it because they forgot to do something. Like on the porch roof."

"HM. They're not going to come back and fix it for free forever. Anyway, that wasn't even the guys who installed it."

"You called someone ELSE?"

"No. I called the roofers who put the roof on. But nobody ever called me back. So I got these other guys that HOS knows. They're roofers."

"How did you pay for that?"

"With MY money!"

"You didn't tell me we'd be paying. So I guess you think I owe you $150."

"You DO!"

"Do you have a receipt?"

"No. Guys like that don't give receipts. They're friends of HOS."

"I don't have that kind of money laying around the house." (heh, heh, what Farmer H doesn't know won't hurt me)

"I figured you'll get it tomorrow when you go to the bank."

"Well, you're taking my Tahoe. So I probably won't go all the way to the bank in the Acadia, because it's awkward to reach the ATM."

"I have to get gas. I haven't gotten it yet."

"I guess you'll find a way."

So...later on Monday afternoon, Farmer H said he'd spent $25 on gas.

"Okay. So when I go to the bank, I'll get you $150 for the roof, and then I'll give you $115 for your weekly money."

"No. I get $140 a week."

"I know that. But you already got your gas with $25. So that leaves $115, and then on Friday, I'll give you $140 for NEXT WEEK's money, and we'll be back on schedule."

"NO, HM! You don't understand. I get $140."

"I'm GIVING YOU the $150 for the roofing money. Then $115 for your weekly money you said you hadn't spent yet, but you won't need $25 of it because you just got gas. Then on Friday, you'll get your regular $140."

"HM! I don't know how you can't understand this! I need $150 that I paid the roofers! Tomorrow. And that will be my money that you would have given me this week."

Oh, dear. What Farmer H is missing here is that I actually WAS confused, and I was going to give him an EXTRA $115. But because he was so belligerent, telling me I was confused (which I was), now he's just getting back the $150 that he gave the roofers. He's actually missing out on a week's allowance unless he comes to his senses and demands the regular allowance on Friday.