Psych!

Way back in junior college, I had an introductory psychology class. I spent a lot of time looking at the small windows along the top of the wall, wondering why anybody would design a building with such useless windows that couldn't be opened and wouldn't let you see anything but sky. Perhaps I was not the most motivated student, though I DID learn a lot that semester, perhaps by osmosis.

Anyhoo... I remember the teacher pointing out that people are self-centered, and that often conflicts arise because people want different things out of an interaction or relationship. That the only thing important to you at the time is "what you are controlling for." It's an odd phrase, but it just means what you are wishing to happen, and consciously or unconsciously trying to make happen. It's not necessarily a bad thing. That's only when people are obsessed with controlling other people.

Yeah. That's kind of boring, right? Makes you want to look out some windows.

Farmer H came home Monday afternoon, unhappy with The Pony.

"I must have been there for an hour mowing The Pony's yard, and he never once came out and offered me a drink of water or a soda."

"Well. The Pony might have thought it was Old Buddy mowing the yard. That's who usually does it. I doubt The Pony even looked out."

"Still. It's really hot. I cain't believe he didn't even check on me."

So Farmer H was controlling for recognition for his lawn mowing, and evidence of caring about his health in the heat, and a quenching of his thirst. The Pony was probably controlling for some ZZZZZs in a nap, or relaxation in the jetted bathtub, or more likely a win in a computer game. They had different expectations. Farmer H was hurt, and The Pony was oblivious.

Just a mini psychology lesson. One more service Mrs. HM provides.

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Here's a bonus that's a little more interesting. My psychology teacher told us the best way to respond to a liar. Just say, "Well, imagine that."

"Former students come up to me all the time. They tell me about their life since they graduated. Some of them stretch the truth a little bit. Like one gal who told me about her little girl. Said she was the smartest thing. That her first words were, 'May I have a cookie, please?' I smiled and said, 'Well, imagine that.' And we both left with a good feeling about the interaction."