Tuesday, December 25, 2012

I Am No Champion, My Friends


The gamesmanship at last night's Christmas Eve shindig did not disappoint. I am sorry to report that I was NOT a winner. I was off my form, what with my sinus/tooth issue flaring up intermittently. Thank the Gummi Mary, we did not have to unwrap a gift encased in 1078 layers of different wrapping paper while wearing oven mitts, with a time limit of fifteen seconds per round. The Pony won that game last year. By using his teeth. I cried shenanigans, as his teeth were not enclosed in oven mitts. The powers that had been did not see fit to disqualify that cheating child.

This year, my sister enlisted us to participate in a rousing game of Who Am I? That's what I call it. She purloined parts from the game Headbands to use for her little contest. We played a variation of this game another year, when Sis slapped signs on our backs and we had to wander through her house, interviewing each other to determine our identities. That was the year I was near to last on discovering that I was a candle. All because my mom steered me wrong by answering YES to the question, "Do children like to play with me." Along with nodding her head vigorously. I cried shenanigans again, but apparently Sis is akin to Tom T. Hall in her affinity for old ladies, children, and not Hillbilly Mom's whine.

Here is last night's cheater:

Oh, yes. HM knows a cheater when she sees one. Especially when one picks up one's phone under the guise of taking pictures, but the phone is pointed out across the table surface, not at people's heads. And when a Gingerbread House asks questions such as, "Do we have one? Am I edible? Is there candy on me?" Yeah, right. Totally random questions to ask each round. After the outcry of cheating, initiated by Ginger's own mother, and rousingly chorused by the other Christmas items, Ginger dumbed down her line of inquiry, and fell on her own serrated knife.

Some of the best moments came from the #1 son, aka Wise Man, who asked, "Am I alive? Do I give gifts? Do I work in a retail store?" And from Chimney, who wanted to know, "Do we have one? Do we have to put it up? Am I made of wax?" And, disturbingly, from Manger, who queried, "Do people burn me?" I finished second behind that darn Manger, who came just ahead of me in the round, by deducing my identity in four questions. I was not alive, not found inside, not possessed by many people, and I touched the ground. VOILA! Easy peasy. I was a Sleigh. Okay, so I had help when a short outburst occurred between The Pony, aka Mistletoe, and Sis. The Pony said a lot of people had me, and Sis remarked, "I don't know of one person who has one these days." I am an opportunist, Give me more that the standard YES or NO to go on, and I will make your rue the day you did not DQ The Pony.

In the left/right game, the continuing saga of the Wright family and their comings and goings, where everybody has a gift bag that is passed left and right during the story...I won this:

It's Hermey the dentist from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. And he's a dog toy that squeaks! I TOLD you that I bought the most awesome prizes this year.

Tomorrow, I start training for the 2013 Games.


Kathy's Klothesline said...

Will Juno be the recipient of your winnings?

One of my kampers stopped in with a gift for me ..... FROG jam. Knowing my love of all things froggy she saw this jam at an Amish store and instantly thought of me. I don't know why, but I immediately thought of toe jam.

Hillbilly Mom said...

I fear that Juno's health might suffer if I gave her that gift. She never met a toy she didn't eat. In fact, just this morning, I saw her in the snow of the front yard, digging up her plastic chicken with only one foot left.

How...um...interesting. Amish jam makes your friend think of you, and Amish jam makes you think of toe jam. I think the Amish should file a complaint somewhere!