Purchaser Non Grata

Mrs. Hillbilly Mom is not a happy camper, my friends. In fact, she is a non-camper, so dismayed is she at this very moment.

I have been online shopping for laser beams. Okay, laser pointers. The Pony is doing a science project on separating light waves with a prism. He said he found the perfect website for ordering laser pointers. I guess that's because it had "lazer" in the name. I spent a good hour going back and forth, trying to find equivalent wattage in four colors. Just when I had my shopping cart full, and set up an account, and made sure it was a secure site, and forked over my credit info...that darn website spurned me! Said my plastic money was no good! DO NOT HONOUR, it told me.

Well. That was an eye-opener. Especially since the website said they would only ship to U.S. addresses. I have a U.S. address! And I have a credit card with zero balance each month. And I have a security code. But no. I cannot buy laser pointers over the internet!

So I did what any spurned spendthrift would do, and called my automated credit card number to check the balance so far, and see if anybody was running up a bill. I called from my landline as usual. Punched in the last four digits. AND IT ASKED ME FOR MAIDEN NAME INFO! It never does that. Just wants my zip code. So I tried to see the letters that go with the numbers on my bad phone in my dark basement lair. Thing is, I can never remember if we got this card in my name or Farmer H's name. Who's my momma to type in a name? After several tries, I was connected to a person.

She was very polite, this person, even though I kept telling her I couldn't hear her because I was on my bad phone. She asked if she could call me back. So I said sure. What's a little phone-ringin' at 10:30 p.m. with a son and husband counting sheep and sawing logs? I related my story of laser near-purchase, and Phonie said that they had stopped payment on my card because it showed possible fraud. "That website is based in China."

Well. Far be it from Mrs. Hillbilly Mom to patronize China in the middle of the night. Phonie asked a few more questions, including the maiden name game. Huh. I got it wrong. Seems like I needed the other mother. So once I spouted that out, and gave that little 3-digit on the back of my card (as if nobody could ever fake that code), Phonie said I could go back and make my purchase. No thank you. That "lazer" site could at least have given me a clue they were foreign. Like the time the #1 son wanted to buy an iPhone on eBay, and the seller promised a "happy sunshine buying experience."

Tomorrow I shall go through all of my shopping pains again. I think I'll stick to Amazon sellers. Maybe they'll take my credit card.