Mrs. Hillbilly Mom Can't Win For Losing

I firmly believe that some of The Devil's Handmaidens are moonlighting. Moonlighting at Save A Lot. In an attempt to cast off their wicked ways. Straighten up and fly right. They mean well. But they are having to deal with the consequences of the former path they chose.

When I tried to check out at Save A Lot earlier this week, I was stymied by the ol' Wrong-Lane Gremlin. You know. The knack I have for always choosing the slowest checker. It's even more of an art in Save A Lot. Because they never have more than two checkers working. I should just declare a moratorium on weighing my options, and make it my policy to always go to the opposite lane of the one I would have logically chosen.

Of course I went to the checker with a customer already nearly done. Just a couple of items left on the conveyor. Not the one behind the lady with the full cart.

The Saving Handmaiden gave the total. "That's $17.90."

"Oh. Just a minute." And she turned and grabbed a Snicker's bar from the display. Actually, she grabbed two, and one fell to the floor. But, to her credit, she put the fallen one on the counter, and put the other one back. The new total was not to her liking.

"Oh. Wait."

And the customer grabbed a Reese's Cup double. Which was still under a $20.00 total. So she fished around for a Hershey's.

"That's $19.80."

"All right."

"But I can't use your voucher for that."

"That's okay. I have cash for them."

In the meantime, another whole customer had gone through the other line. I could imagine problems with the voucher. So I moved out of my sweet-tooth line and into the other one. Of course the customer took her sweet time with a debit card that had a chip. After much bleeping and blooping, kind of like a casino jackpot, the machine accepted her plastic.

I only had a few items, you know. Four bags of Lay's Potato Chips. Some corn on the cob. Peanut butter crackers. And a box of fruit roll-ups for The Pony. My new Saving Handmaiden had them scanned quick as a whistle. I was paying cash. Ready to get out of there. I had more stops to make. I pulled the bills out of my shirt pocket.

"Do you know the price on these Little Debbie Muffins? Are they 2 for $3.00 or 2 for $4.00?" And to think I had been worried about the voucher lady. This new one who had taken my place in that line had a problem, too.

I'll be ding-dang-donged if my Saving Handmaiden didn't turn around. And offer to go look! Rather than tell that other Saving Handmaiden that she should go see for herself. Sweet Gummi Mary! If your customer doesn't know the price, and your register is not programmed, then get your own lazy butt down the aisle to look it up yourself! It's not like my Saving Handmaiden was without a customer! HELLOOOOO! I was standing right there, my money ready. But NO! My Saving Handmaiden LEFT ME holding the cash, and walked all the way down to the Little Debbie promotion, and called back, "They're 2 for $3.00."

Sometimes, I think I am destined to stop shopping and raise my own vittles.

Those Little Debbies will be a challenge.