Wrong Way Harridan

Now that Hillmomba is teeming with Baby Boomers, the streets aren't safe. Nor the parking lot of The Devil's Playground. Not all Baby Boomers are created equal. There's Mrs. Hillbilly Mom...and a bunch of really, really OLD Baby Boomers. Who have nothing better to do that drive around all day.

Lucky for me I have T-Hoe, a sturdy chariot to protect my brittle bones in most crashes. The only issue lately with T-Hoe (okay, forget lately, it's been going on about 4 years now) is that his backup beeper doesn't work. I've always been the nervous sort about backing up a large SUV. All the way back, through the days of our Suburban and Yukons. When I'd drop my kids off at Elementia, I wouldn't pull up to the door and park. I'd just let them out in the drop-off lane. "Here. Hop out. I'm not going to back up and take the chance of running over a short little kid I can't see."

Friday, I waited and waited to back out of my parking spot at The Devil's Playground. I was beside the cart corral, so I had to be extra vigilant about people walking behind me once I thought the coast was clear. Then a dude in jeans came walking down the aisle, headed for the store. A car backed out on the other side of my aisle. Another dude in athletic shorts came walking down. Finally I made it out. I could see a car coming down that same aisle behind me. I was planning to make a left turn, then go up the next aisle to get to a main road. None of that poking along in front of the store, with three stop signs and randomly-spaced people wandering willy-nilly.

I got to the end of the aisle, right in front of the store, and stopped, my left turn signal on. Athletic Shorts Dude had crossed over, and was coming down on my right. The car behind me had caught up, and was waiting for me to turn. I was waiting on a white small SUV that was on the main road in front of the store, coming from my right. Once it was past, I could make my left turn and head out.

WHAT IN THE NOT-HEAVEN!

That small white SUV turned into my aisle! There was not really room for it, because I was directly in the middle. That's because that aisle is one-way. The way I was going. The parking spots were all angled down. On both sides. Nobody going UP the DOWN aisle would be able to park, unless maybe they were driving a tiny circus car, with 33 passengers clowning around in the back seat, who could get out and pick up the tiny car, turn it around to the right angle, then jump back inside while it parked.

At the first instant I realized the small white SUV was turning INTO my aisle, I felt a pang of guilt, because I was taking up the middle. That immediately turned to indignation when I remembered that the small white SUV was going the WRONG WAY.

I even said that to her, through my rolled-up window. Shouted, maybe.

"WRONG WAY! WRONG WAY! WRONG WAY!"

That old lady driving might have been deaf. She had a german shepherd standing between the seats, his front feet on her right leg. I really hope he wasn't a SEEING EYE dog!

Seriously. I think even Athletic Shorts Dude heard me yelling at her. But she kept going. Squeezed that small white SUV up the aisle the wrong way. Her mirror was dangerously close to T-Hoe's mirror. She wasn't stopping.

I switched my blinker to RIGHT. So I could get out of there before she sideswiped me. I didn't see Athletic Shorts Dude in my blind spot until I was halfway out onto the main road in front of the store. I didn't run over his toes or anything. It was his job to look out for ME! After all, he was young and spry, as evidenced by his athletic shorts. I had to look out for the people exiting The Devil's Playground, not caring one whit that I'd already come to a stop at the stop sign, and was moving forward because the coast was clear at that moment.

These people don't understand that the pilot of a large SUV is not constantly watching THEM! They need to look out for themselves. While I'm looking at one in the back, another darts out in front. And vice versa. Sweet Gummi Mary! They might as well lay down under T-Hoe's chassis for a nap, as much as I can see them when they get around on the sides and back of me.

Nobody was crushed, nobody was scraped, nobody was nudged. It was a miracle.

I wonder if that harridan wondered why she had such a hard time parking? And if her dog told her that even a blind person could see that the cars were angled all wrong to be driving that direction.