You people are in for a treat tonight. I am going to let you inside the world of Mrs. Hillbilly Mom, Intellectual Giant.
I am the Siri of my classroom. Students, denied use of their cell phones, call on me for the answers to those burning questions that just can't wait. Here is a smattering of today's queries:
Do you have a pencil?
Can a person be buried alive?
How can a live person get out of a coffin?
Can rats get into a coffin?
What makes people decay if stuff can't get inside the coffin?
Do bones stay in a coffin or do they rot?
Have you ever been to the pet store in Hillmomba?
Would you eat worms?
Will a hermit crab die if it outgrows its shell and you don't buy it a bigger one?
Are you afraid of snakes?
How much is 74 kilograms in pounds?
Can a snake swallow a human?
Why are lemurs only in Madagascar?
Hey, aren't there lemurs in zoos?
What is a wind turbine blade made out of?
How does a wind turbine make electricity?
How much does it cost to run a wind turbine?
Can a cat kill a person?
If I brought a cat to school, and put it in Buddy's car, could I get in trouble?
Can we bring an Ouija board to class?
Can we listen to music?
Do you drink soda?
Can a person live without a pancreas?
What's a pancreas?
Did Kentucky Fried Chicken change their name?
Why are they serving us chili dogs the day after we had chili?
Can a person get in trouble if they put one of those Chile mummies together wrong?
Why don't they just bury the dead like normal?
Can we get that Kim Il Sung mummy to come here, like, to our elementary?
Why is New York against the soda when cookies have way more sugar?
Why is it so cold in here?
Those are just the questions. You really don't want to hear the comments. Like the one about the corpse in the coffin that got a nosebleed during the funeral service.