Thursday, June 6, 2013

I Dared

Booooo! I am the Headless HillMom of Hillmomba. It's not my intention to scare you all needlessly. No, not my intention to scare you all at all. I'm merely warning you that I have no head. Through no fault of my own, of course. It has been bitten off by residents of The Mansion. Unprovoked, in my opinion. What fanned the flames of contempt and set those teeth to gnashing? I dared.

I dared to ask to see the shoes for which my debit card paid $75 yesterday.

I dared to profess that a little brother is not for running up the basement steps, into one's bedroom, to pick up one's cell phone to bring it to one on the short couch in the living room.

I dared to opine that a YouTube song by a comedian was not at all funny.

I dared to ask for a 9-volt battery for the smoke alarm from The Devil's Playground when someone else was making that trip.

I dared to not be on my way home yet, but still in the Dairy Queen parking lot when a call came in on my cell phone.

I dared to honk for one of the food-eaters to come out to the car to carry in the food for which I had no hands available.

I dared to state that the price of the food was not what was quoted to me before ordering.

I dared to ask if the departure time for tomorrow's college trip was early enough.

I dared to ask if the traveling parties would like to stay overnight to prevent weariness.

I dared to ask when a tuition payment must be made.

I dared to ask how much money might be needed to be handed out for traveling half-way across the state and back.

I dared inquire about the whereabouts of the twenty dollars I doled out for bowling last Friday, even though no bowling was done.

I dared to ask if a new dehumidifier is in order if the one we have does not fill up with water after running continuously for three days.

I dared to say, "nothing" when greeted with "What did you do to the printer?" upon one barging into my dark basement lair and flipping on the light.

I dared. All of the above, and more, in a twelve-hour period. I'm surprised I've survived this far into the summer. My crimes against manmanity grow more serious by the day.


Sioux said...

Watch out. They might decide to press charges, and then you'll have to cool your heels in jail while you await your trial.

On second thought, that would be pretty sweet existence...

Hillbilly Mom said...

Which reminds me of the Jane Hamilton book "A Map of the World" made into a Sigourney Weaver movie.

The main character went to jail over allegations of abuse in her job as school nurse, even though we all know it was karma punishing her for letting Julianne Moore's daughter accidentally drown in her pond.

Anyway, Sigourney was happy as a clam in jail, lounging around in her cell to avoid the inevitable beat-down, and asking for stacks of books to keep her entertained.