I have to go give a blood sample tomorrow morning. That means I have about a half hour to founder myself on tasty food and beverage. Normally, I would be dreading this dry spell.
To save my sick days at school, I used to put off these labs until the afternoon. No big deal. All I had to do was skip lunch. The food was not an issue. It was THE FLUIDS! By the end of the day, I felt like a dessicated scrap of beef jerky. Like an old corn husk blowing across the south forty. An onion skin crumbling in the bottom of the net bag.
Last school year, I started using my sick days for what they were intended. Sickness. Medical appointments. So I discovered that it's no big deal to go overnight without food and drink. After all, you're unconscious most of that time. Not traipsing around a classroom losing valuable mouth moisture educating the citizens of the future. OK. The drink withholding still bothered me. Never mind that I don't drink much at night. The thought of not being able to have a drink made me thirstier than Kramer eating pretzels after shooting a Woody Allen movie. And then, last year, a phlebotomist told me a secret that blew the lid off the blood-drawing industry.
"We actually encourage people to drink water, because it gives us good veins to draw from."
Hallelujah! Sing it from the medical center rooftops! You can drink water even when you're having a fasting blood test! Water! Cool, clear, water! Yeah! Sing it like a son of a pioneer! No more of that, "Just a sip to take your medicine in the morning." Nope. Swill it like a Texas Ranger out of a filthy hoofprint.
Excuse me. I'm going to fill up my Bubba cup with ice water.