Monday, July 8, 2013

Hey! Hillbilly Mom! What'd You Give Your Mother Today?

Maybe this can be a new feature. Kind of like Grandpa Jones on Hee Haw: "Hey, Grandpa! What's for supper?" Anybody remember that? Careful. You'll be admitting that you're old. And that you watched Hee Haw. I was but a pup in those days, watching at my grandma and grandpa's house, laying in the floor (that's how we say it here, IN the floor) with a bowl of popcorn with drizzled butter, right next to the mountain goat rug under the round coffee table in front of the corner sectional sofa.

So here's what I gave my mother today: a National Enquirer, a Globe, a hamburger grilled last night on Gassy G, a bun, five homemade bratwursts still in their Save A Lot packaging, a banana (we had extra), and two roastin' ears still in their husks (not from the auction). The hand-off occurred at the city park. Not that I couldn't go all the way to her house. She was getting out anyway.

In return, Mom gave us three boxes of movie candy: Raisinets, Cookie Dough Bites, and Whoppers. That's because we're going to the movies again this week. And I have the movie purse. Let's hope I don't have to haggle over stale popcorn this time. And that nobody pours out a jumbo soda in the row behind us. The Pony wants to see Despicable Me, and then spend the night at his grandma's house.

I sense a good tale will be garnered from that outing.


Sioux said...

If anybody in the theater looks like they're having the DTs and they have an extra large soda, sit right in front of them.

If anybody at the movie house has a retro beehive hairdo, sit right behind them.

If anybody at the theater has a Bluetooth thingy in their ear, sit next to them.

If anyone has an infant on their lap in the movie theater, sit with them on the other side of you.

If you follow these directions, The Pony will enjoy the "complete" movie-going experience and you will have enough material for several posts...


Hillbilly Mom said...

Nothing can be as bad as the time I took 7-year-old #1 to see Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron. Some incident had caused us to be delayed. The theater was PACKED. I saw absolutely no row with two seats together. I told him we would go out the exit, and I would bring him back to a later showing. Nope. He's a hard-headed one.

On the way to the door, we found two seats in the middle of the right-side front row. FRONT ROW. My neck hurt for a week.