Saturday, February 8, 2014

A New Sideline For Mrs. Hillbilly Mom

Sweet Gummi Mary! Now I have a new sideline for my proposed handbasket factory. You know. Because I haven't diversified quite enough just yet.

The #1 son came home this afternoon. It was supposed to be for this afternoon, to develop some film. However...he just left. That's a bit more than an afternoon, I think. He might as well have stayed overnight, but he was itchin' to hit the road. It's only an hour and forty-five minute drive, he says. Besides, he got here a couple hours late because he had to shake down the FedEx hub in his college town for not delivering his package of photography supplies here yesterday, even though the website said it left for delivery at 7:45 a.m. Funny how FedEx uses any little old excuse like ice-packed roads to keep from delivering here, even though UPS has been in and out all week.

Anyhoo...while waiting for #1 and friend to arrive, I got to watching that Appalachian Outlaws show on The History Channel. Seems like West Virginia is the place to be if you want to get on reality TV these days. My blog buddy knancy might want to check into that. So anyway, these county dudes hunt ginseng which brings outrageous prices like $900 a pound. The only catch is that sometimes they murder each other, or get murdered, because folks don't take kindly to others poaching their ginseng, or 'sang as they call it, even though it's on public land.

Farmer H seems to think this is all real. It looks scripted to me. Sure, they may hunt and sell ginseng, even at those prices, but those situations on the show seem scripted. Contrived.

I told Farmer H he needs to get busy and find some ginseng. Funny how he doesn't know what it looks like, but he knows it goes for around $350 a pound in areas around Hillmomba.

I showed him pictures on the Missouri Department of Conservation website. Told him he'd best get to studyin' while he's at work looking up classic cars and beer company memorabilia.

My handbasket factory might make for a good reality show, what with the various and assorted entrepreneurial ideas I've got percolating on the back burner.

6 comments:

Sioux said...

Yes, HM. On your show, you will sit at your desk, dispatching your minions while you simultaneously

* handle problems "in the field" via the phone or text or email or hollering

* drink diet Coke and make arrangements for soup towers to be readied for your go-fers

* hire someone to trim Farmer H's raptor-like toenails...then begin designing a collage, which will be made from the clippings

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I would watch. But you would have to change the name. There is a new show on Reels(z?) Hollywood Hillbillies. From Georgia, just like Honey Boo Boo. West Virginia ain't got nuthin' on Georgia. As my south Georgia cousin was often heard saying, "Shut-up, I ain't studyin' you."

knancy said...

I avoid shows like those. I know first hand how this stuff truly works. Most way-back-in-the woods folk would never let anyone on their property. Trespassin' is just not permitted. Some people do dig for ginseng, but always leave enough to keep the patch growing. In reality, more wacky weed is grown and being harvested than anything else out in the boonies. Of course, there are always those stupid city people from Detroit who want to make meth and sell oxycodone. Wild, Wonderful, Almost Heaven, West Virginia!

Hillbilly Mom said...

Sioux,
Alas, you know me well. Perhaps I can find work for you as a production assistant. Do you have any experience as a goat wrangler? You don't have to look into their eyes. Just keep them away from my remaining lilac twig.

*****
Kathy,
I saw the promos for that, then lost track of it. Isn't that the one where the lady was going to give the car salesman an IUD because she didn't have all the money?

*****
knancy,
They did mention that they were mad at the Georgia boy (sorry Kathy) because he was digging up ALL of the plants, not leaving some to grow. But the main reason was simply because he was from Georgia, and was not entitled to take ginseng from the West Virginia land because HE DID NOT LIVE IN WEST VIRGINIA. Which apparently made them feel entitled to puncture Georgia Boy's tire with a bullet. I hope they don't like peaches.

knancy said...

Sent you an email with a picture of Georgia that showed up on my FB page. I think the South just may be one big state divided by hollers and mountains.

Hillbilly Mom said...

knancy,
Is that the Georgia border? I see it is "open" to either let people in, or let people out. You decide. That fire plug by the gate is a nice touch.

Farmer H would LOVE to sift through this accumulation of treasures. I think I saw some long sticks. Might be tobacco-dryin' sticks, or Yankee-jabbers.

Thanks for informing me. I don't check that email often. Would you believe I've missed several opportunities to claim lottery jackpots in the UK?