Sunday, February 9, 2014

The Inavasion Shows No Sign Of Ending

Huh. More mystery poop in the garage. Farmer H swears it is the product of the cats. I think not. The cats have not pooped in the garage for the past ten years. Gosh! Are our cats that old? They might even be older! But they have not pooped in the garage, ever. Vomit, yes. Many a time. But poop? No.

I think it's a raccoon or a possum. I snapped photographic phone evidence of the latest excrement. I even looked up poop pictures courtesy of my BFF Google. The evidence is inconclusive. I only have two turds. Too bad I didn't get a picture of that last pile. The other samplings were fairly meager, a turd here, a turd there, along the garage wall. By my T-Hoe of course. Once I gurgled out that bleach, that area was clear. Until this morning, when the turds appeared NEXT TO an area I had bleached. But that last pile was surrounded by a lake of urine. Still, not near as smelly as cat output. I think Farmer H is mistaken. Good taste prevents me from subjecting you to the evidence. But let me describe it. I swear it has segments like a big ol' Tootsie Roll. About the diameter of a penny. The previous turds were a bit thicker. Have you had enough?

In keeping with my gorge-rising subject...just exactly WHAT is this crap?

It was on T-Hoe's door, the part that closes into the body proper. It's a mysterious entity in its own self. White. Fibrous. Too creepy. I nabbed a select-a-size and a ziploc, took my photo, then scraped it off and hermetically sealed it. AND WASHED MY HANDS with hot water and lye soap. Not really. Sure, we have hot water. But I'm not hillbilly enough to make lye soap. Who do you think I am, Granny Clampett?

I swear. Hillmomba sure is a nasty place. Even for a science teacher.


Sioux said...

You need to put this kind of stuff in specimen jars and make it part of your students' final.

I am sure your students would find it fascinating...

knancy said...

Looks like a spider casing to me. I can just imagine 1,000s of mini spiders spewing out of it. Do as Sioux says. But, just do it to freak them out! Ha, ha, ha!

Hillbilly Mom said...

I am sure at least one would find it the basis of a lawsuit. You can't go putting that stuff within reach of students these days. Jars, I mean.

Why must the two of you try to get my employment terminated before I am ready to retire?

It DOES look like something I saw under one of my old kitchen chairs that lived in the BARn until Farmer H gave them away to a new guy at his workplace without even consulting me. Farmer H said it was spider-related.

I choose not to imagine the 1000s of mini-spiders, because it reminds me of that time they dropped from the ceiling of my dark basement lair.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

You do a fine job describing the stool sample.

Reminds me of a patient once seen in the ER who couldn't poop. All backed up, he was, behind an impaction that was later described as being as hard as cement. This was back in the day when the gender of the patient was matched by the gender of the one attending the patient when certain areas were under consideration. I was elated the patient was male, as his condition called for a digital exam and removal of the blockage.

The strangest thing about this particular patient is that he was a repeat offender. He was, in fact the only patient I ever saw that needed this service.

Memories ......

Hillbilly Mom said...

I must be thorough in presenting the evidence. Once I get my proposed handbasket factory and all its entrepreneurial trimmings up and running, and reach the age of retirement, perhaps I'll start law school as a hobby.

At least that patient didn't have a cell phone or other inanimate object or small furry animal blocking his rear exit.