Mrs. HM Did NOT Raise A Mini Pony

Sure, we used to have a mini pony that Farmer H traded some goats for. His name was Barry. Already named when we got him. He played well with our remaining goats. But that's not what I'm referring to in the title. I'm talking about THE Pony. Who just received his official USPS uniforms last week.

Sweet Gummi Mary! This could be its own TV sitcom, and run five seasons!

The Pony had a surprise day off from work on Monday. It's the scheduled day off for the route he has a hold on, but they put him on different routes on Mondays. He was expecting the longest of the city routes, since he's done it before. Imagine his glee when he arrived and was told they didn't need him! They have several newer CCAs, and had loaned in (not sure how to word that) a few others from area post offices to help with what they thought would be a heavy day, being a MONDAY after a HOLIDAY after Christmas. 

Anyhoo... The Pony gladly took the time off, not even wanting to work two hours for his guaranteed show-up pay. He made an eye exam and ordered new glasses, since last week he superglued his left lens in for the third time. He also shopped at the Devil's Playground, and went by Pony House to help Farmer H, whose Old Man helper had called in sick with THE VIRUS. Or so he said, even though he said they gave him a shot for it. Which is a treatment I've never heard of.

Anyhoo... in their comings and goings of the day, Farmer H and The Pony determined what the inseam of the postal pants should be, and Farmer H took them by the seamstress.

SWEET GUMMI MARY! Farmer H told me the inseam was 25 1/2 inches!!! What in the flippin' NOT-HEAVEN??? 

"No way! That is NOT the right inseam! The Pony is not a little person! Nobody has a 25 1/2 inch inseam! Even your short legs have a 28 inch inseam!"

"I know. But I measured with a pair of pants he brought me. It was 25 1/2 inches."

"Those must be pants from grade school! Didn't you measure those pants he was wearing today? Those khaki pants?"

"I DID, HM! Over at the house. I measured from the bottom hem up to the crotch, with my metal tape measure."

"Well, I'm sure you didn't get IN the crotch area! You can't just measure up to the front where it looks like the crotch is! There's probably another two inches where the inseam curves in to meet the other inseam."

"I had him hold the tape measure up there."

"Please tell me that seamstress isn't hemming those pants to 25 1/2 inches!"

"She's not. I brought them back. She measured, too, and said, 'Well, that IS 25 1/2 inches, but most adults don't have inseams that short.' So I told her we'd measure again, and I'd be back."

"That's a relief. What pants did you use?"

"Them black ones right there on the couch."

"I want to use the khakis, but he's got them in the bathroom now during his bath. Let me see these pants. I have this paper tape measure from that little sewing kit. Huh. That IS 25 1/2 inches. That can't be right."

When The Pony got out of the bath, he was NOT wearing his robe as usual, but had put his clothes back on! Of all the times to be normal...

"Pony! I need your pants. Go put on your robe, or these black pants, and give me those to measure. I can see those khakis are sagging, so we'll have to add about an inch and a half to account for that. Or you'll be wearing high-water pants that come mid-shin, like some kind of rube."

"I don't want them long. I don't want to walk on the back of them."

"Oh, you won't, at 25 1/2 inches, that's for sure! Go change. How old are these pants?"

"I just got them this summer. When I went to the city, shopping with Niecy."

The Pony came back wearing the black pants. I saw the issue right away. They were those skinny-leg pants that are all the rage these days. Almost like tights, although The Pony called them slacks, and he has actual tights which are tighter.

"That's the problem! These are MADE to be short like that, and show your ankles. Your uniform pants shouldn't fit that way! What about these saggy khakis?"

"I got them at the same time. If I wear a belt, they don't sag. I've lost some weight since I got them."

I measured those khakis. Correctly. Hem to crotch where the two inseams met.

"Huh. That's 26 inches. But they sag. So adding 1 1/2 inches makes it 27 1/2. We're going to tell the seamstress to hem those post office pants at 28 inches."

"Yeah, Pony. They might shrink a little in the wash, too."

"Maybe... I just don't want to walk on the back."

"You won't. If you do, you can get them re-hemmed. But these pants fit higher in the waist, too. So I think it will be fine. At least 28 inches is a somewhat normal inseam for an adult. Stand over there by your dad. Hip to hip. See if your hip bones are in the same place."

The Pony swore his hip bone was an inch lower than Farmer H. I doubt it. Farmer H is about 5'6", and The Pony is 5'7".

It will be interesting to see how these USPS pants turn out....