The One That Got Away, And The One That Didn't

Farmer H almost landed a keeper on Saturday night. He was Facebook shopping, and saw that a lady in downtown Hillmomba had a collection of fishing plugs (yes, they're also called fishing lures) for sale. He sent her a text or Facebook thingy saying he wanted to buy them, but she said another guy had already made a deal with her to buy them for $20.

Farmer H offered her $30, but she said she wouldn't go back on a deal. She did say that if the guy didn't show up by 7:00, she would meet Farmer H at his Storage Unit Store to sell them to him. The Pony and I didn't know all this, because Farmer H was being secretive with his phone. Meaning that he was just tapping away at it, and not playing loud music watching videos that he thinks are funny.

Anyhoo... Farmer H had just finished his supper of two smoked sausages, and Ruffles chips with French Onion dip. He was also down to the dregs of a Wild Turkey, lime, and Diet Shasta drink that I'd made for him. In fact, I'd just used the little Wild Turkey left in the bottle to refill his red Solo cup with another Diet Shasta. We were all chatting, the two of them in the living room, me in the kitchen washing up dishes.

"Oh, I might be leaving here in a minute."

"WHAT? Where are you going?"

"To meet a lady up at my storage unit for some fishing plugs."

"NO! You just had that drink! You're not driving anywhere!"

"Mom's right, Dad. You don't need to be driving."

"I wouldn't drive over to Bill-Paying Town now, but I can drive 10 minutes up to my unit."

"EXACTLY! If you can't do one, you can't do the other. It's DARK! You have no business out there driving!"

"Aww, I just had supper with it. And it's another 45 minutes until 7:00. I'll be fine."

"But I just mixed you a SECOND drink! You never have a second drink, and on the night you DO, you think you're going to drive somewhere!"

"I haven't even touched it! See? Right there. The glass is still full. I'll wait until 7:00 to see what she says. She's calling me either way."

Thank the Gummi Mary, the other guy showed up and bought the fishing plugs! Farmer H would probably have been okay by 7:00, having imbibed on a full stomach, and having 45 minutes to metabolize the alcohol. Plus the exercise of telling us all about his impending deal, and how he was sure he could pass a breathalyzer, but maybe not a roadside test, because he can't balance well with vision in only one eye.

I'm not sure if The Pony and I would have let him leave. Maybe we would have conducted our own test first. The Pony was in no condition to drive him, having swilled some wine with the burritos he made for his own supper. I don't like to be behind the wheel after dark these days, since my dizziness after the ear infection comes and goes.

Anyhoo... those fishing plugs slipped from Farmer H's grasp, but Farmer H did not get away!