Thursday, December 5, 2013

Blind Without A Package

No. That's not the title of my racy new novel about a visually-challenged eunuch. It's the story of my last 12 hours.

Well, it's official. I am out of work. And furthermore, I have no class.

SNOW DAY! Yippee! I got showered and dressed this morning. The Pony had been up a half hour. We were in the middle of our morning routine when the phone rang. Oh, yessss! The landline and cell phone automated calls came before the faculty phone tree call. I think that's because the branch above me lives right across from Newmentia, and is a late riser. Anyhoo...I passed on my info to the branch below me, who has kids in school, so no doubt also got her automated calls first as well.

Yeah, Mabel. Were you watching the news for that sweet scroll to near the end of the list, and squeal with delight when our name came up? C'mon. I know you were! Old habits die hard. I'm sure you did not miss driving to Newmentia, only to be dismissed early, and being chauffeured home by our noble custodians. Nor did you miss hopping on the bus for a ride to school. This much I know for sure.

Of course I had business that needed tending. My new revised bifocals were in. And I had a package to be picked up after noon at the dead-mouse-smelling post office. The sleet arrived early today, my friends. Early. Like old people showing up for dinner at 4:00 for the all-you-can-eat buffet.

I called the normal-smelling post office in the next town. The main hub. Could I pick up my package there before noon? The man took my address and put me on hold. He came back and said that I could. This was at 8:10. The Pony and I showed up at 9:00. NO PACKAGE FOR YOU! That's what a counter lady told The Pony. That it had already left. I said he was being shined. That a man said we could pick it up.

"Uh. Maybe so. But she went to the back room to look. And she even called the person who took it. So I think that theory is wrong."

Hmpf. The route driver brings it back to the hub after it won't fit in the box. Then a truck takes it to the dead-mouse-smelling post office around 10:30 or 11:00 the next day. We used to pass those two trucks all summer when we were out gallivanting on the lake road. Funny how on a sleety day, they left a couple of hours early. Which would make one think that the package would arrive at the deceased-rodent-aroma facility before noon. One would think. But no. It was not there at 10:30. Somewhere in Hillmomba is a big white elephant poker game of packages, run by ne'er-do-well USPS employees.

Oh, but that wasn't the best of the bad news. My newest bifocals were still unusable. I swear I'm on one of those pranking shows. The worker probably makes $100 each time she gives me the wrong prescription and I don't clock her.

The weather was really bad by the time we headed home from our two failed vital missions. At least we took my mom a carton of milk so she could have cornbread with the beans and ham she cooked this morning. I can't believe she was not prepared for this storm.

Oh. Don't hate me because I'm blind without a package. Hate me because I AM OFF WORK AGAIN ON FRIDAY!

7 comments:

Sioux Roslawski said...

Crapola! I am sure I will have to go to work tomorrow.

I am sooooo jealous. Enjoy, for those of us who slave with no chance of a snow day.

Mabel said...

Hay MT it's Mabel. I got the automated call this morning! Emailed Mr. Techie, he said I had not been removed from the H.S. active list, like I'm coming back! No revival for me, I have been de-activated as of 10:32a.m.. Miss you but not the crap😘.

knancy said...

I am so glad you don't own a gun. I didn't go through what you did, but I got to the point where I just wanted it t END. Hope you are home and in your den - happy and relaxed.

Sioux Roslawski said...

Color me "Not Green."

I'm home too. American Authors sang it right. "This is gonna be the best day our life."

knancy said...

There are no words in my life that can describe how funny the name of this post is.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I thought of you this morning as I sat sipping coffee and watching the list of school closings scroll by while I watched the Today show. I pictured you kicking your heels in the air ..... without your bifocals!

Hillbilly Mom said...

Sioux,
Looks like you didn't. Hope you enjoyed that uncalled-for respite, Madam. From the TV news, it looks as if you city folk were off for naught. Unless you count that school bus sideways on the ice. You can't really call it snow unless you get over ten inches like Hillmomba.

*****
Mabel,
They refuse to let you go. I believe you when you say your career at Newmentia is as dead as a doornail. The vault of your vast knowledge is locked up tighter than a classroom cabinet housing rulers and glue sticks!

*****
knancy,
Hmm...thanks for your sympathy if you couldn't wait for my ordeal to end. Join the club if you couldn't wait for my post to end!

*****
Sioux,
I'll refrain from singing at this time. The 44 oz. Diet Coke train has derailed today.

*****
knancy,
I knew somebody would get it!

*****
Kathy,
My Crocs were indeed kickin'.